Establishing and following Boyfriend-Girlfriend Boundaries ...

Fact. You don’t know what’s going on in the bathroom. Sure, it may be the innocent putting on of lipstick or brushing of beard. However, it may also be the rumbling of uncontrollable number two. And. I don’t want you to see me pee and I definitely don’t want to see you pee. Knock please.

Maybe, I am hiding naked pictures, maybe not? Maybe you have been talking to an old fling you re-upped on Facebook? Maybe not? Maybe, I ain’t doing a damn thing wrong? Maybe I am? Maybe you are? Maybe, I just want some privacy? Maybe, your best friend is texting me? Ok, maybe I am cheating? Maybe you are? There has to be boundaries. You stay off my phone, I stay off yours!

That’s just nasty. I don’t want your morning breath on my toothbrush. You don’t want mine, I hope to God. There is just something about a toothbrush that has somebody’s else’s breath smell on it that is gross and is a relationship deal-breaker. Either obey the boundaries, or start boiling! In very hot water, please.

Post-sex cleanup is off limits. Let’s face it, it’s a nasty job for both sexes. It is also very private and a hands-on ritual that must be done. Everybody has their own technique. It’s often frantic and awkward and very personal. Wait your turn. Know your boundaries. And what-the-yuck! Close the door! Are you a freak or something?

Have you ever had a good meal, so good you were smiling and humming while you ate it? Then the one you are with, took the very last bite, the very last portion or the very last nugget? You want to cuss them out, but you don’t want to seem like you’re being selfish, but you are selfish! It’s the last chicken nugget! What about when they take your last sip of soda or juice? You take back your cup, grab your straw, only to find cubes of ice, with just a watery hint of flavor at the bottom? That loud sipping noise, says it all. The worst part is you ok’d it, trying to be polite. Boundaries! Get your own damn drink! And, nuggets for that matter.

The above were just a few boundaries. Boundaries can make or break any relationship. If you are going to take someone’s last nugget or watch them wash their personal nuggets, beware! You may end up alone.

Truth be told, nobody wants to see the post-sex clean up. And, even if neither party isn’t hiding anything on their phone, there is just something about boundaries. Do you want to know what your man’s dirty laundry/underwear looks like? Boundaries. Do you want him doing your sensitive, lightly soiled laundry? Boundaries. Do you want to see your grandparents making love? Neither do they! It is just understood, no AARP cameras in the bedroom! Yes, boundaries must have teeth, because your grandparents don’t!

I know. Some things don’t need to be said. But, violating these boundaries can be costly. Unchecked, it could be a relationship deal-breaker. In sports, you go out of bounds, you get a penalty. Are you ready to blow the whistle on your boyfriend or girlfriend?

“You want to kiss me after what? You are a freak! 10-yard penalty! Offense!” No, just offensive. You have to know this unspoken rule book they call, boundaries.