Sure the relationship did not go on to the “altar” but admittedly, we can learn several lessons from our exes. Some of these lessons we learned the hard way either because we were too hard-headed to get out of the relationship or we were so in-love that we spent every waking hour of our existence thinking how we can seriously move on with the relationship. Here are seven lessons I learned from my ex-boyfriends and why I am thankful for them even when, at some point, my heart was broken:
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1. Don’t Rush
While it is important to plan for the future and be clear about the relationship status, do not get stuck up on thinking about things such as matching T-shirts at your friend’s barbecue party or getting married because your biological clock is ticking. A lesson I learned from my ex: Do not rush. I repeat do not rush. Savor the moment of being boyfriend-girlfriend. Enjoy those moments because some of them won’t last forever.
2. Never Assume
Women’s brains are made of spaghetti noodles; that is, everything is connected so it is easier for us to remember what happened six weeks, four days, and seventeen hours ago. We are that wired. Men? Uhm, I am thinking many cardboard boxes because they compartmentalize everything. That’s the reason why many of them can’t remember anniversaries. So…never assume. Gentle reminders are okay.
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3. Don’t Say ‘anything’ if There’s ‘something’
Your former flame asked: “Is there something wrong?” You replied: “Oh nothing”, when in fact you were dying to ask him why a certain “Stephanie” sent him a text message about meeting on Saturday for lunch (yes, you checked his phone!). If there is a “something”, tell him or it will eat you up and kill the relationship. And the paranoia will make you go gaga about Stephanie’s identity.
4. Nag Occasionally
Sure he can’t remember everything but if he doesn’t remember anything, well that’s the time to nag or in my girl friend’s voice: D-E-M-A-N-D! Occasional nagging is fine especially when done in a gentle, sweet manner. If the sweet girl tactic doesn’t work, try laying the cards on the table once in a while. The operative word is: occasionally. Don’t overdo the nagging.
5. Do Not ALWAYS do Things Together
Because there is more to the world than you and the boyfriend - spend time away from each other. Make him miss you. For all intents and purposes, I advise against going to the gym together. Some things should be done alone or with your friends.
6. Value Your Friends
Do not dump your friends because you have a beau. When things go haywire with Mr. Six-Pack, you’ll run to them for boxes of tissues. They talk sense in to your mushy brain because it is sometimes filled with a lot of nonsense. Meet them regularly and talk to them.
7. Talk about Money
Money is a sensitive issue and many shun discussing it. However, if you are thinking about moving the relationship a level higher (say moving on together or getting married), you really have to discuss financial matters. It is important to know where you stand money-wise. You have the electric bill, groceries, and the mortgage to think of when you live under the same roof.
Any more lessons you learned from your exes?
Comments
Tandy: I've learned to learn the tell tell sings in the first weeks of dating & not to ignore them!!
Kitten: Why wouldnt u go to the gym with your boyfriend just once in a while should b ok .
Aryana: All 7 lesson's were learned with my previous relationship for 4 yrs.
Basmah00: I learned to be yourself not another girl and behave confidently .
Corpsetealady: I learned to never settle for less.
Ilse: I don't agree on #1. I spent almost 6 years with my ex- and I wanted to move to the next step (get married) and I just waste my time. Now, I'm dating a new amazing and wonderful guy, but i don't pretent to spend another 5 years with another man waiting for him to be ready. That's what I learned.
Megan: Don't push your friends to the side for your boyfriend, make time for them too. Because if he leaves you, or you leave him- you'll need them for support.
Snowlion: This article is full of stereotypes portraying women as manipulative neurotics. Please, not everyone's obsessive life goal is to "make it to the altar".
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