Have you been trying to find tips for dating a man with kids but can't find ones that suit your situation? Tips for dating a man with kids that actually work are hard to come by. Kids can complicate things, if you don't know exactly how to insert yourself into their relationship or even how to handle kids at all. So girls, if you are dying to date a guy, but he has a kid and you don't know how to handle it, take a look below!
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1. Be Stable
Being stable is absolutely one of the most important things in the world that you can be with kids. This is one of the most important tips for dating a man with kids. After all, you don't want to be off-the-wall and unstable – kids need someone solid. Remember girls, stability is the key in any relationship that involves kids.
2. Don't Meet the Kids until You Are Serious with Him
You never, ever want to meet the kids unless you are serious with the guy. This tip for dating a man with kids is key, girls! Why would you ever want to disturb the guy's relationship with his kids by meeting them, if you aren't serious? Make sure that things are moving in the right direction before meeting his kids!
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3. Don't Compete
Girls, this is the biggest problems that a lot of women have when they are dating a man with kids: competing for attention. A man with kids is absolutely going to choose the kids over you. This is something that you are going to have to deal with and something that you are going to have to accept.
4. Don't Come on Too Strong
Never, especially with the kids, come on too strong. You don't have to be their BFF right off the bat, girls. Just play it cool and calm, that way they will come to you and draw your personality out of you. Remember, you don't want to instantly believe that you are besties with the man's kids!
5. No Competing with the Mom
Another person that you aren't going to want to compete with is the mom. The mom – or the man's ex – is always going to be in their life, girls, you are going to have to deal with that. They have an unbreakable bond and you never, ever want to try to get in between that. Remember, it can cause a lot of conflict if you try to get between them.
6. Be Respectful
Always make sure that you are respectful not just to the kids, but also to his relationship with his ex and to him. You've got to make sure that you aren't butting in or trying to 'mother' the kids right away. You've got to ease into everything, remember that!
7. Never Mess up a Visitation
When it comes to visitations, you've got to make sure that you never, ever make him miss a visitation. You don't know how their relationship was and if it was messy. When kids are involved, you've got to make sure that visitations are happening and that you aren't interfering.
8. Pace Your Involvement
Finally, always make sure that you are pacing your involvement with the kids! You don't want to immediately assume that you are their second parent. Instead, just make sure that you are pacing exactly how involved you are in the actual parenting.
These are all of my tips for dating a man with kids, have you ever done it? Would you ever be able to date someone with a kid? I don't know if it's right for me, but if I found the right person? Maybe! Who knows!
Comments
leslie: I feel I can relate somewhat to your current issues & concerns, being a woman who dates a man (2 yrs. divorced) & has a 3 yr. old daughter. Several unfortunate concerns have surfaced due to the child in the last few months, & I sincerely hope to find solutions for my relationship, which started out so incredibly wonderful & has lasted a year already. I, too, often feel marginalized or shut out (by no fault of his own), & try to make myself invisible so he doesn't lose time & connection with her. However, I'm realizing our conversations & interactions are less about us, & more about the ex or his daughter's best interests. I also need some insight as to whether I should be concerned or just let it pass (hopefully). He's about to have her for a month, & she's been sleeping in bed w/ him since he got over nights, I worry that might cause problems when we need to sleep in the same bed, & she becomes possessive &/or jealous about my presence. I can definitely see that creating conflict, since I have no children (want 1) & therefore, no one else to shower with affection or receive love from. Regarding your issues, I (as an slightly inexperienced gf) would say that you & he ought to speak calmly & respectfully about it, & hopefully he can inform his ex that you are a great influence & the child may be doing some unnecessary drama/conflict, for attention or some other reason. I think you & I both shouldn't have to shut down or feel unimportant; it's just hard to not receive attention & affection from the man we love. Maybe patience is the answer, & lots & lots of understanding/empathy (which I can also use from him at times). :)
sheila: Im dating a divorced guy with 3kids, twin girls (6) and a boy (8). We love eachother and plan to get married and have our own kids but i get a little worried sometimes if im doing the right thing cos our jobs make us travel alot and when he's with his kids we can hardly communiatr cos they want all his attention.. Dont know what to do.
Rhiannon: I am on my way to a 3 year relationship with a man who has a boy of about 6 years old. I love love them both incredibly, and I don't think his ex wife was ever a concern for me; I'm secure in my relationship, even though silly things can make me behave insecurely on occasion (I am a woman after all!!) I think it takes a certain amount of patience and empathy to be able to have a good relationship with a man with children... Good luck to anyone out there wanting to go there :)
Ariel: I have been currently dating a guy for almost a year, he has two small children, a one year old and an almost 3 year old daughter with Down syndrome. The mother is young, she is 19 years old and very irresponsible who cheated on him and tries to get in our relationship. How do I deal with a relationship like this, I really love him, but I hate the fact that I have to deal with this.
Tawna: I think these are good tips but I'm having a little trouble with the last one. I'm trying to figure out how to pace my involvement & sometimes it can be hard & confusing. Our back story is more complicated but we've only technically been dating for about 3 months. He thinks I'm amazing with his 4&1/2 yr old daughter & that I understand their relationship & my involvement better than anyone he's dated before but I'm still sort of searching for my place. We're also going to be moving in together at the end of March so I think things are going to be coming to the forefront for me a little sooner than normal.
Isabel: I have been dating a guy with a 5 year old for 2 years now, we have plans to get married this summer, and we live together. I used to have an amazing relationship with his daughter but recently things have gotten complicated, I don't feel as respected as I used to when it comes to being an authority figure, every thing I say has no merit and gets thrown out the window, and I feel as if I am put on the back burner when it is his weekend with her. I get that he sees me more and his time with her is minimal but when I try to make an effort to be part of the group and join in I feel as though I am pushed aside and ignored (outsider looking in) he barely speaks to me when she is here now and the yells at me for not trying hard enough to be a part of her life. Its becoming a strain now that I barely can say 2 words her and when I droits not good enough and she goes back to her mom and tells her that I'm so mean. Causing a bigger strain because I know I did nothing wrong. I love kids I teach at a local dance studio, but this is causing some major resentments that are now affecting me when she is here, I just shut down and become invisible when she is here to try to avoid conflict but that too makes me look bad. I would love some advice from an outside source maybe there is something I'm missing or could try to do? Our relationships perfect when it's just us. But I'm scared if things don't change with his daughter soon that we might have to part ways which I want to avoid at all costs. (Sorry for the rant) I'd love any and all advice!
Catherine: I have been dating a man for just over a year, he has 4 kids, 3 at home and we have been living together for 8 months. I have dated men with children before and have never had too much drama building a relationship and being a positive influence on the kids lives. I see myself as an extension of their parents and just another person that cares about them. There is one major thing that I struggle with though and can empathise with my partners attempts to ease the burden. I struggle that I see a relationship as 2 people, a team, dealing with all the things that come up every day, this is a real struggle with my partner though as he typically will try to fix things and sees many of the things involving the kids as "his burden to deal with" which leaves me feeling that I am not included in some things. It can sometimes be very thankless and you need to be selfless to date someone with kids. We have the kids 50/50 and he is a very active dad and goes to all school events etc when we don't have them too and I become really selfish with our own time together, its almost like I need that time to reconnect with him because the times with the kids is so busy. His ex-wife is the mother of the children and I really just try to look at it respectfully and like that, I never say any thing bad about her and when he says things to me about her I typically just brush it off with "she's probably just having a bad day" but she can be that irrational (as we all can) and inappropriate with some of the conversations she has with the kids, but because of how she reacts or has outbursts when she demands something it happens pretty quickly, normally I am consulted but sometimes I am not and that feels pretty awful at times as well. My partner is a wonderful and patient man and I get how conflicted he can be at times but I can't help but get upset when he isn't as selfish about "our time" as I am. I understand that is because he misses the kids too. It is hard, it is rewarding, make sure you have a good network of positive friends and make sure he is worth it - it's not always easy and can feel pretty lonely at times
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