Here’s the deal, I am going to share with you my own experience and show you the signs you're in a abusive relationship. Sometimes it is the hardest thing to notice when you’re in it, but if you relate to any of the below, I hope you walk away from that asshole. I did, and it was the best decision I have ever made for myself. No one deserves to ever feel less than. It is a scary downward spiral. We always have this feeling that it was good this one time, and he was nice that one moment, but really that isn’t what you should be holding on to. Instead, notice all the terrible things, and realize you are so much more than that!
I know how hard it is to walk away from an abusive relationship, but there are so many outlets for help. Whether it is friends, a therapist, helplines, or family, people care! Just remember that. On the flip side, if you are reading this and do a lot of these behaviors to someone you are in a relationship with, maybe you should re-evaluate some things. This doesn’t just go out to girls, guys are included as well. These are the signs you're in an abusive relationship both sexes should know:
1. He Criticizes You
If you are walking around feeling belittled, and less than, this is a sign you are in an abusive relationship. The person you are with is supposed to build you up, be your biggest support, and if all they are doing is bringing you down or making you feel less than, this is not the person for you. Someone who is constantly negative about you, and what you do, is abusing you. This is something that doesn’t just go away when talked about, it is something that continues to get worse, and sooner or later you begin to believe them. Trust me.
2. He Makes You Feel Unattractive
Another of the classic signs of an abusive relationship. I was with someone who constantly told me how unattractive I was. First off, we are all unique and beautiful in our own ways, but I also know I am just not an unattractive person. There are plenty of other men who hit on me often enough to negate the comments my ex-boyfriend used to make (ex being the keyword here). He would tell me I wasn’t pretty, or I looked weird, or I should try harder to put myself together, or I should dress more girly. Now the compliments I get are that I don’t need make up, and I have a great style, and I am beautiful. He used to tell me these terrible things as a control mechanism to make me feel small and less than him. And the thing is, I would start to believe him. Maybe I wasn’t pretty, maybe no one would ever want me, maybe I did need to lose weight, and on and on. This is such abuse, it’s not even funny. Having someone belittle you in so many ways, especially when it comes to your physical appearance, is such a sick form of destruction. If a guy really felt you were that unattractive, he wouldn’t be with you, but anyone that starts to lower your self esteem has got to go.
3. HE Won’t Touch You
Any person you are with that doesn’t let you touch them, or doesn’t touch you ... it’s just sad. I am not saying you need to be all lovey dovey, touchy feely, but you should be able to caress each other, hold hands, put your hand on his arm when you laugh, and more. Having someone hit your hand away when you try to touch them, or won’t ever kiss you and says it’s gross, doesn’t want to have sex with you, and more ... these ARE NOT NORMAL RELATIONSHIP BEHAVIORS! These are just abusive. Having someone reject you over and over again, yet tell you they love you or like you, just doesn’t add up, and because of that, it's a true mind-fuck. Be with someone who wants to cuddle you, hug you, kiss you, and just blatantly can’t get enough of you (not needy though ladies, that’s also abusive in it’s own way, but we’ll get to that).
4. He Gets Physical
This is 100% the most important sign you are in an abusive relationship. Ladies, this is serious. The minute a man lays his hands on you, you need to walk away. I understand that it is so hard. And for anyone who hasn’t been in this situation, they really don’t understand why people have a hard time walking away, but being in a physically or verbally abusive relationship is an absolute mind manipulation.
5. The Fighting is Excessive
There is definitely a difference between getting into a fight every so often and getting into passive aggressive battles almost all the time, or screaming matches daily. Excessive fighting is a blatant control mechanism when it comes to guys. They use this to make you feel in trouble, feel inferior, and upset you to make themselves feel powerful. Why would you want to be with someone you are constantly fighting with? Everyone has their arguments; it’s normal and healthy, but having someone screaming in your face is not okay, ever, with anyone for that fact. Having someone blow up your phone with 20 million text messages, shaming you, and telling you off, is excessive. That is not normal, mature, or appropriate behavior.
6. Control Issues
There are a lot of people who are controlling, and by all means, I get you all so well. It actually can be a great quality to have. I am one of these people, but being with someone who is controlling in an excessive degree is abusive. Let me give you some examples. Being with someone who tells you where to show up and when, and if you don’t show up there at that time they are breaking up with you or they don’t want to see you at all. Having someone tell you who you can and can not be friends with. Being with someone who tells you how to dress and how to look. Having someone who needs to know all the passwords to your life and able to read your phone at any time. These are all not normal relationship behaviors. These are major control issues that you should not put up with.
I have a girlfriend in a relationship with someone who constantly freaks out when they get in a tiff and threatens to commit suicide in order for her to not break up with him. Sometimes, the abusive part of a relationship isn’t being a heartless asshole. It is also someone who is so insecure they are trying to manipulate you in any way to stay with them. Being with someone who is constantly freaking out over a guy liking your social media photo, or a text on your phone, or a random Snapchat that pops up, are not normal behaviors. Insecurity and jealousy are a very serious problem in relationships, but when they are so deep that the person's tactics are threatening to harm themselves, that is abuse.