10 Misconceptions about Abusive Relationships ...


Regardless of how intelligent and confident we are, some of us still have misconceptions about abusive relationships.

I should know - I was in one through most of college.

There have been plenty of times when I've thought of how things could have been had I never met him or listened to my friends when they tried to tell me how hurtful and fake he really was.2

I thought his behavior toward me was somehow my fault, but now I know that isn't true.

In fact, a lot of things I thought weren't true.

So you won't make the same mistakes I did, here are a few of the more common misconceptions about abusive relationships.

1. People Who Stay in Abusive Relationships Must Be Stupid/weak

One of the biggest misconceptions about abusive relationships is that survivors (I hate the word "victim") seek these relationships out.

Perhaps that would be true if you could tell an abuser early, but this almost never happens.

Think about it: if a guy hit or insulted you on the third date, you'd think he's insane and drop him flat.

Abusive patterns usually emerge after some sort of anchor - emotional attachment, legal ties, having children together, etc.

- has been formed.

This is part of what makes abusive relationships so difficult to leave - they affect so many parts of your life that leaving can literally mean starting over.

My ex and I weren't married and didn't have any children together, but we must not underestimate the power of emotional connections and the sort of manipulation abusers tend to employ.

It's Only Abuse if He's Hitting You
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