7 New Rules for Surviving Modern Long Distance Relationships ...

By Kati

Long distance relationships can suck. Not only are you miles and miles from the person that you want to spend time with, but your parents will probably discourage your relationship, and your friends might not believe that it’ll succeed. After all, the extra distance makes everything so much harder, and it’s so easy to get sad and lonely and dejected about it all. There are things that you can do to make it easier, though. Here are the new rules for keeping 21st century LDR on track – without being told that back in my day, we had to wait for a letter to be delivered by pigeon to stay in touch ;)

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1

Work towards Something

Make sure you both know what you are working towards. Why are you apart? How long will you be apart for? Where will you be in the future? No couple can be in a long distance relationship forever, so you need a clear goal for the future so that you can both stick to it, and use it to boost you up when you feel down. Do a timeline, and mark down meetups and targets. Make sure you’re on the same page and you’ve got the same goals and ideas. That way, even if you’re not in the same timezone, you’re working towards the same future.

2

Be Really Clear

This isn’t a time to pretend to be a cool girlfriend. Set rules on both sides and know what you’re comfortable with. Are you exclusive? Will you go on dates with other people? It might feel like an awkward conversation, but it’s not half as horrid as seeing photos of him on a date with someone else pop into your newsfeed.

3

Do Things Together

Just because you’re not physically together doesn’t mean that you can’t do things together. Watch TV programs together. Recommend books and albums to each other. Create shared experiences. You could even set up Skype and watch a film together. Make the most of your time apart, but learn to spend some of it forging links and new connections, too.

4

Talk Lots

Don’t skimp on the conversation. Make sure you say good morning and good night every day, and keep your significant other updated on what is happening in your life and what you’re up to. You could even share your calendar with them. To keep it more exciting, try sharing audio clips or videos of your day.

5

Be Honest

It will suck, sometimes. You will be scared, sad, lonely, tired, frustrated, jealous. You might feel nothing, or everything. Don’t hide it from your partner. Trying to swallow it up will make you swell, and then it’ll look like you have something to hide. Resist the urge to deal with it by yourself and use it to draw you closer together.

Famous Quotes

One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.

Albert Schweitzer
6

Use the Mail

Okay, so you have instant messengers and Skype and phone calls, so why would you need the post?! Well, sending a surprise handwritten letter or unexpected gift increases the realism, and will bond you and make you feel close. It’s lovely to receive, too. Try sending each other funny presents, or t-shirts, or underwear, or anything.

7

Do You

Don’t isolate yourself because you feel like you should be lonely. Make the most of the extra time that you have to yourself and spend it with friends and family. Get a new hobby, spend time at the gym, go to a pub quiz, join a team. Don’t mope around putting your life on hold. Not only will it keep you going, but it’ll make you more interesting.

Of course, you should cram in as many video calls as you can, and visits are a must – if you start skipping visits then you’re on a road to nowhere. Remember that if it all gets too much, you can bail. Long distance relationships are hard and they don’t work for everyone. There is no harm in saying that they don’t work for you. Would you enter a long distance relationship?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

@ truealways. The fact that your saying the long distance is between america and Europe, why would any man or woman waste time on something so difficult if they have plenty of other girls/boys in the side. Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 2 years and after all the emotional struggle it would seem pointless for the both of us to lie and cheat when it would be so easy to just leave the relationship and be single. It would mean no travelling, saving money and saving yourself a load of lonely nights.

I'm in a LDR and it started off as a whirlwind romance when we met. It's a lot of work as he's in England and I'm in Chicago. We use Whatsap and talk multiple times a day and always make sure to say good morning, goodnight and I love you every day. It's tough being separate from the one you love but if you both want the same things it's makes it a bit easier! Can't wait to see him in a month! It'll be nice dating the actual man for 10 and not my phone!!

In a long distance here as well! I'm from the U.S. And he's from Germany. Been together almost 2 years and I couldn't be happier :) I love getting snail mail and random gifts (as well as sending them!) because it helps us remember just how much we mean for each other and that we are constantly thinking of one another. He's my Schatzi and I can't wait to spend Summer with him and his family. Everything has been more than worth it, I wouldn't change a SINGLE thing if it meant losing him as my partner. Through thick and thin, everything works out. Much luck to all other couples involved in LDR's!

I needed this, with a slightly annoying(not in a bad way) bf who is 5000miles away from me just makes want to scream!

5 years have passed we are currently in our 6th with one more year to go before we move in. During our long distance relationship we also married so he's my husband. It's hard but a little effort from BOTH goes a long way. Good luck to all out there in the same boat ;)

My boyfriend is in the Navy and LDR suck!!! However we try our best and know it's not forever. This last year we have only spent 7months living together and he won't be home until May! Also added to that we emigrated from the UK to Aus so have no immediate family or long term friends!! I just make the effort to go out, make new friends, hiking, camping etc.

It's so nice to read all of these comments and know I'm not alone. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year, he lives in Mexico and I live in Scotland (we met on a cruise.) I went to visit him last month which was amazing! However, ever since I returned to Scotland I've missed him more than ever. It's so difficult because his parents are planning lots of holidays meaning he can't come to visit me this summer, and I might not be able to see him in the Christmas holidays, which means it would be a year or more until we are together again. There have been a lot of tears from both of us but there's one thing that keeps us together: Hope. I know one day we will be together and that's what keeps me going. I love him more than anything and I won't give up just because of distance. Good luck to everyone else out there in a long distance relationship and I hope everything works out for you!

I've been in a few LDRs, they all didn't work out all that well. The current LDR I just ended, was a close call because I never seen this guy's face on webcam besides by photo. He was hiding something, and too many red flags popped up unexpectedly. What didn't work out for me the most was this guy planned a flight trip to my country without keeping me informed, and I felt a bit misinformed. LDRs work for some people, but it's the risk of hooking up with either a good or bad person.

I've been in a long distance relationship for a few months now, thought we've been taking about two years. He lived here in Puerto Rico, but moved to Florida US a few weeks after we met. I wasn't into the LDR, but he was quite persistent abut an "Us", so I gave it a shot. We are quite happy together, and a month ago he came to visit. I only saw him once :/ He plans to come for my birthday, so I'm quite happy for that. LDR is hard, but if you think that person is worth it, so will the wait. I can't visit him this summer, but I'm planning on visiting him on Christmas xD

Great piece! Coming from a long distance relationship, I found most of these things helpful!

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