We've all heard that long list of old fashioned marriage rules that we must follow for a happy marriage. As it turns out, some of those are long past their expiration date. While those old fashioned marriage rules may work for some, they aren't set in stone and may not be right for you. I've broken quite a few of these myself, and my guy and I are still perfectly happy.
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1. Fighting Leads to Divorce
Divorce comes from having issues you can't resolve, not from fighting. It's healthy to disagree in a relationship. I hate it when I have a tiff with my guy and suddenly people start whispering about divorce. This is one of the absolute silliest old fashioned marriage rules. You're not always going to agree with each other on everything, just argue and work it out. You don't have a problem unless your entire marriage is nothing but knock-out, drag-out fights.
2. Never Sleep Separately
I've seen couples become absolutely miserable because they feel like they're doing something wrong if they sleep separately. Sometimes even the best couples have to sleep in separate beds due to a restless sleeper, snoring or illness. It doesn't mean you don't love each other. It just means you both deserve a good night's rest. Just make sure to spend some quality time together when you're not asleep and you have nothing to worry about.
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3. Only Vacation Together
While you'll probably take most of your vacations together, it's okay to take a few apart as well. Maybe you want to go out for a girls' weekend or he needs some time with the guys. Even as a couple, you still need to take some time for yourself. I don't feel betrayed or lonely if my guy wants to go skiing with his friends because I'd rather head to the beach with the girls. Ideally, try to take separate vacations at the same time, so no one feels left out.
4. Don't Go to Bed Angry
I really hate this one. You can't just magically get over your anger. I'm one of those who likes to take a break and let my mind calm down. I'm not always ready to work it out just because it's bed time. In fact, I usually think more clearly after a good night's sleep. Don't put that much pressure on yourselves. Call it a draw for the night and sleep away your anger.
5. Share All Your Hobbies
I'm in a relationship, but I don't have to be a carbon copy of my guy. I do share some of his hobbies and vice versa. I also have hobbies that are mine alone and so does he. We talk about them with each other and that's how we share them. I don't like video games and he doesn't like playing music. Instead of trying to force it on each to be a perfect couple, we use it as quality time to ourselves and enjoy talking about it later.
6. Keep Things Exciting
How often do you hear people talk about needing to spice up their relationship? Odds are, you're both just comfortable with your daily routines. While you should spend some time together, if you're both happy, then let things be. It's great to try new things sometimes, but you don't have to do it everyday. Routines can be a good thing. They give you time to relax instead of stressing about finding that next, exciting thing to try. Basically, if it isn't broke, don't go nuts trying to fix it.
7. The Honesty Policy
I'm not saying you should make a habit of lying to your spouse, but do you really want them to be completely honest all the time? What if you really love your new hair style, but he thinks it's just “okay”? Odds are, he'll tell you that you look great and leave it at that so he doesn't hurt your feelings. You're happy and he's happy. It's okay to tell a little white lie occasionally or omit details sometimes. Just don't lie about the big things or make it a regular thing.
8. No More Friends of the opposite Sex
I've actually had friends think my guy was cheating on me because they saw him out with another girl. I have several guy friends and he has several girl friends. It's perfectly alright for you both to have friends of the opposite sex. It doesn't mean you're looking for romance elsewhere or that you're not happy in your relationship. If you or your guy are the jealous type, take the time to get to know each other's friends so you'll be comfortable with each other having opposite sex friends.
9. It's over when the Spark Dies
After you've been together for a while, that whole puppy love, every moment is exciting stage goes away. If you still want to be around them and they make you insanely happy, you're truly in love. Remember that relationships start with a spark, but lasting relationships are more like a fire that never goes out. You don't need the spark anymore. You built a fire and now it's all about working together to keep that fire burning.
Odds are, you've heard most of these old marriage rules yourself. Don't let them change your relationship. Do what makes both of you happy and don't be afraid to break the rules. Which old fashioned marriage rules have you broken?
Comments
Karen: I'm very glad that, while we share so many interests we are still different enough that we don't "live in each other's back pocket". While our common interests are many we still are different enough to keep our relationship interesting. I have MS & I hate it when people feel sorry for me, which he is incapable of doing so as he is incapable to empathize with anyone, but he does make me laugh instead of letting me feel sorry for myself. We work & that is all that counts as far as we are concerned.
That_Person: @That_Person, My parents divorced because of lying. And it was a collection of those small lies, where you're just not giving all of the information about what you're thinking. It wasn't cheating or something major. Just the 'innocent' omitting of details to make a better impact, after awhile a married spouse who is attentive notices when you're lying and not. If you want to tell someone you don't like their haircut just say they look amazing, but that you don't prefer it. Rather, instead of lying, you need to stop being a "yes man"/woman just to please everything they do. Lying hurts more than expressing your dislikes. If they ever found out you were lying they'd be hurt, and it would be harder to believe you find them attractive next time you compliment them.
Zinzi: I do agree with the "don't go to bed angry or don't leave the house angry'. Remember you're angry at a situation, actions, sayings etc. Not at him/her as human being, because if it were so you couldn't be together. As humans we have the fortunate right to make mistakes and those mistakes can hurt others. The truth is, everyone is going to hurt us. We just got to find the ones worth suffering for.
Karen: My husband & I have been together for almost 13 years &, while in the first few months I had the first in love reactions (falling in love more & more every time I even thought about him) & he obviously felt in a like manner because he changed his peramitors of looking for a house to buy a house from looking for a house for him & his dog to including my 2 kids & me. In the past 12 years we have discovered that we share a lot of interests but some things not so much. We are both avid old movies seekers & most music tastes, we both enjoy lawn bowling as well as my daughter but my husband is pretty much eating, drinking, & dreaming lawnbowling from mid-April to late September every year & he only gets worse each year as he is taking on more & more responsibilities with the club every year. He has more female friends than he has male friends but I trust him to not cheat on me.
Mamduh: Live it
Jeanette: I totally disagree! My husband has no business out with a female friend. It's not about jealousy, it's about respect and what others might see. So I take your not married. So how can give advice?
Juliek: I just love this article it's so true and realistic
That_Person: I disagree with most of this. And especially 4 and 7. I would say unless you are married stop forming opinions of what works for it and what doesn't. And you shouldn't be telling people to lie and leave animosity in bed. If you "make a truce" then you're not angry, you've agreed to settle it after you've cooled off, that is something entirely different than someone being left feeling hurt to 'possibly' sulk for hours unspoken. For the gender thing, that depends on the relationship, it is or isn't ok based on who you're talking to, and isn't a universal truth. I personally crave that 'clingy' type that limits who I talk to, because I have no problem building trust from those insecure feelings. And I have no need to spend time with other women because I have a woman who will always give me attention. What better friends do I need than my opposite gender life partner and some really close guy pals?
Deatra: I have only heard of the one about not going to bed angry. I think it is good advice. I do think better after I have slept on things but it is not a good practice in marriage. I'm old an that is just experience talking. The honesty one I have not heard of per se however I expect complete honesty in a relationship and I give it, period.
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