7 Reasons Why Settling down Can Wait ...

By Ellie

7 Reasons Why Settling down Can Wait ...

This particular post, discussing the reasons why settling down can wait, is inspired by one of my good friends. She has recently announced plans to get engaged - she's 22 and has never even lived with her potential fiancé. I know you can't tell someone how to live their life, and when it comes to matters as delicate as this, even giving them advice can backfire on you - you'll only end up the bad guy. So, because I can't say it to her, I'm going to say it here instead. Obviously, these are my personal reasons for why settling down can wait - everyone's different and maybe it is right for you.

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1

Do Not Settle

This is my biggest and greatest reason for why settling down can wait, and I think it's the main reason why my friend is in such a hurry to do it - do not, do not, do not settle for someone you aren't happy with because you're afraid to be alone. She told me some weeks ago that she and her fiancé had nothing in common, she didn't enjoy the time she spent with him and she liked someone else. Guess what? That someone else got a girlfriend, now she's getting engaged.

2

Live Your Own Life First

When you're young, you can quite reasonably and understandably think about yourself and what you want. You're choosing a career, a place to live, a future. Don't you want a future to be your own, at least for a little while? Marriage comes with a whole lot of compromise, and there's years to do that. Right now, you need to be focusing on what you want - or risk spending the rest of life regretting an opportunity you missed.

3

Resentment

Maybe I'm cynical because of my own personal experiences, and maybe this isn't true. However, in a lot of older couples, the most prevalent emotion I've seen is resentment. Going out, getting drunk, making stupid mistakes - don't you do that when you're young? But what if you miss out on it? Does that mean you never want to do it, or, as your friends are talking about the old times, do you start wishing you'd been a part of that? Then there's one person it'll be very easy to blame (and it’s not yourself).

4

Maturity

I don't know about you, but there is no way that I'm mature enough for a husband and kids. Absolutely not a chance. I can barely look after myself! And okay, that may be a reflection on me, but really, how any people in their early twenties are actually mature enough for all that stuff? I think the genuine answer is very few.

5

Career Woman

Can women have everything? Probably not. I wish the answer to that question was yes, but it just isn't. We're trying to change that, obviously, but for now, if you have a child, particularly in the early stages of your career, there's a good chance it will hinder, or least affect, your progress, perhaps for the rest of your life. It shouldn't - but it does.

Famous Quotes

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

Aristotle
6

Experiences

Think of all the wonderful experiences you can have when you're young - with friends, at university, travelling. Then think of all the wonderful experiences you'll have with a partner, with beautiful children. Now, do you want both sets of experiences, or just one? Because it’s completely up to you - but it might be easier to do the first lot, first.

7

What about the Child?

This is going to be blunt, so prepare yourselves. Unless you come from a very privileged background, chances are, at a young age, you simply will not be able to give a child the emotional and financial support it needs. Think about this little person - will you be able to give them everything you want to give them? Yes, there are a lot of governmental support structures in place to help out - but if you can't afford a child in the first place, then you should wait until you can. End of.

I realise this is a sensitive issue and some people will passionately disagree with me. I don't care - do what's right for you, and I'll do what's right for me. I wish I could tell my friend this, because she's told me she's unhappy, and I think she deserves to be happy every single day. So, what do you think - what stage in your life are you planning on settling down?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

Great article and very solid and mature advice for someone who is not ready to settle. I was one of the few that actually was mature enough to be married, at 17, and I have been married for 25 years. I had one child at the age of 24. She is now 18. Of course I definitely thought I was making the right decision for me, however, in retrospect, I think I was most driven to have independence from my parents. I really wish I would have listened to everybody who told me not to marry young. Although my situation is rare in the age of divorce, I have experienced many of the feelings of missing out and harboring resentment for my spouse at various stages throughout my marriage. I would absolutely advise my daughter to wait!

You do have to live with someone before marriage that's like playing married without actually being married anyway

On another side, i've been with my man for 2 years and we talk about everything. I've never been so happy in my life, and we know that we want to tie the knot in the future. I know it will take a few years, i'm only 22 right now and i know what i want :) we're super happy with each other's company and he gives me time and space for me to hang out with my friends :)

You do not have to live with someone before you marry them. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years now, and we do not live together. Sometimes people's religious beliefs are against that. That doesn't mean they cant make it work. I am getting married next year, to the guy I have been with for the last 3 years. We are young, but our situation is very different then most situations. I never thought I would get married at such a young age, but life doesn't always turn out the way you expect. This is a good article though, and did make good points.

I'm 19 and my husband and I were together for 2 years before we got married. We didn't live together because we are both Christians and that was against what we believe in. I am aching to have a baby and people say that I'm to young or whatever but I don't believe that I am I know how mature I am as a person and I know that I would make a great mum. I went out clubbing a few times and to be honest I didn't particularly enjoy it. It was fine but it's wasn't really a big deal to me. I could not be more happy with my life the way it is. Every one matures differently and other people handle situations better than others. We only have one income and yet we pay our bills and our rent on our own. We are more than capable. I guess it just depends on who you are and how mature you are as a person.

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