10 Secrets for a Happy Relationship ...

Arguments happen in any relationship, and it’s no fun when things come between us and our main squeeze – We want to squeeze them, after all! But you can get back to cozy cuddles faster if you ask yourself this simple question. It’s easy to get caught up in proving your point and forget how hurtful words can be. We’ve all done it. Practice being willing to let go of being right. What does it get you, anyway? Life doesn’t give out trophies to the biggest jerk. Which is what we turn into if we can’t let little things go. And most of it is little things. Accepting this is one of the key secrets of a happy relationship.

Like I said, it’s easy to get caught up, carried away on the tide of emotions when a disagreement turns into a little more. Relationships are hard! And if we want to have a solid one we need to be willing to grow. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one. I know, you’re fabulous. But hear me out. When tempers run high we tend to get defensive, get obsessed with proving we haven’t done anything wrong. A lot of the time we don’t even stop to really wonder if maybe we did do something wrong. You care about this person, right? Give them a little credit and seriously think about what they are saying, because chances are good you might have screwed up. Everyone does (yes, even you!)

You should never wonder what to get your special someone for their birthday, because I promise you they will tell you exactly what they want. Pay attention to things they are interested in while you’re out living your life, then go back later and pick them up a pre-approved surprise. Or they may even pick something up and say, “I would love to have one of these!” Write them down if you need to (I sure do!) Remember what kind of foods and condiments they like. Learn how they like their drinks. Just telling someone you love them is nowhere near as powerful as taking the time to show them their preferences matter to you.

This is especially important as time goes by and life starts to pick up speed. But even if you are on the younger side, it’s always important to set aside time for just the two of you. Date nights are a good start, but maybe stay in and take turns showing each other your favorite movies. Go to a museum or park and take in the sights. Lock yourselves in the bedroom for a couple hours. Or just take a walk around the block. The important thing is you focus on enjoying each other’s company. And don’t forget to put down the phone!

Of course we can’t be on all the time and I don’t mean that you need to constantly tease them. Sometimes it’s not appropriate, or people just aren’t in the mood. But making a regular habit of playful banter and touching will keep the physical part of your relationship warm in between encounters. This can be things like brushing your fingers along their shoulders as you walk by their chair, or sitting closer than you need to on the couch. I always make a habit of getting a kiss before either of us leaves the house, because you just never know! Plus, kisses are fun!

Sex is everywhere, and we are used to having access to just about anything at our fingertips, so it can be easy to overlook the slow burn. But you shouldn’t, because it might be even more important. It’s anything that’s physical but not sexual, it’s an intimacy thing. It’s back rubs and it’s holding hands. Maybe lay your head in their lap. You could jump in the shower and just wash one another. This creates an atmosphere of comfort and familiarity, and when it comes time to get closer you will feel less nervous.

If you love someone and are in a serious relationship with them, you need to make a habit of showing them they are important to you. It doesn’t take much time or effort, and I have tried to share a few that work for me. But the basic idea is that you need to make an effort, put yourself out a little. Just about anything works as long as you put a little thought into it. Even if you miss, it really can be the thought that counts.

If their hair looks good today, tell them. Always make time to ask about how their day was or what they have been up to. And, you know, actually listen. Play that game they like that you’re not crazy about. Pick them up a treat if you stop by the store. If they are super-picky about something and you don’t really care, help them do it their way. I’m talking about the things that feel just a little bit extra. Things you might feel awkward doing at first but their reaction should cure that fast!

Most of this list has been things you can do, but sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing. Especially after an argument but sometimes just because, some people need some extra me-time. It’s different for everyone and you might feel lonely or rejected if your honey turns you down for a coffee or a cuddle. Just remember – they still want you! They are probably just stressed and need some R&R. Who hasn’t been there? Let them know you’re there for them and then go read that book you’ve been putting off… or bingewatch your show. They will come out of their room soon and will be even sweeter because you let them have their space.

None of these tips will do any good if none of it is returned. If you are in a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in doing a little bit extra, you may be feeling less than happy. Maybe they just need a little encouragement, and when you start putting in a little more they will too. Or maybe you should talk with them about wanting to connect more.

I have been talking about romantic relationships but most of these would work for any relationship. If you want people in your life, never let them wonder if you want them there.