Do you think that you’re having a lot of unhealthy arguments with your partner lately? Well, even though sometimes an argument can help you clarify a lot of things, in the long term it can really damage your relationship. I couldn’t agree more with what Gina Binder, therapist, said on this matter: “Some degree of healthy arguments are important. Think about the power of debate. When two people present their opposing views in a respectful and passionate way, understanding flows back and forth.” Make sure you learn how to fight in a healthy way, so your behavior will not endanger your relationship. Here are a few obvious signs that you’re having unhealthy arguments with your partner:
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1. Your Need to Win
One of the clearest signs that you’re having unhealthy arguments with your partner is precisely your need to win all the time, because this attitude actually fuels those arguments. Usually, when one of the partners wants to win in a fight, the other one becomes defensive and in the long term, you both lose.
2. You Don’t Really Listen
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. The fact that you're not really listening to your partner when you’re having an argument is a very obvious sign that you’re not fighting fair. Usually, in a fight, people tend to ignore what their partner is saying and they are only focusing on what they are going to say.
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3. You Don’t Take Turns
When you’re having an argument with your partner, it’s extremely important to take turns, so you’ll have the opportunity to understand your significant other’s standpoint. If you lose the ability to take turns, then you’re not really communicating efficiently and you’re only damaging your relationship and your happiness.
4. Allowing Anger to Enter the Argument
If you allow anger or raging emotions to enter your argument, you’re actually doing more harm than good, since this is not a good way to have a healthy conversation. That anger can make you use tones and words that can demean, hurt and that can make you easily deviate from “the rational platform” of your disagreement.
5. You Argue about the Same Things in the Same Way
If you are usually arguing about the same things in the same way, then you’re doing it wrong. If you realize that you can’t seem to clarify a certain thing from the past that bothers both of you, then try a different approach. By doing the same thing over and over again, you’re only refusing to accept that you see certain things differently and you’re actually doing nothing to solve that problem.
6. You Raise Your Voice
Do you usually raise your voice when you’re arguing with your partner? If your answer is yes, then you definitely should do something to learn how to fight fair. In an argument, if you raise your voice and if your tone becomes harsher, then your partner will not really listen to what you have to say, since they will only focus on how you're sending that message.
7. Neither of You Steps Away from the Argument
There are a lot of things on which you and your partner will not agree, but the fact that neither of you steps away from the argument when you’re fighting is not helping you. Just try to accept the fact that you are different and that you have the right to have your own opinions.
Unhealthy arguments can really damage your relationship in the long term, so try to do something to turn them into healthy ones because this way, both you and your partner will be happier together. Do you know any other signs of an unhealthy argument? Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section!
Sources: yourtango.com
Comments
Talitha: I agree @melissa
Janelle: whenever I argue with my boyfriend I figure out a way to turn him on so it can lead to sex. having sex does not fix things but talking about it again after we both climax is so much more calmer. try that!!
Melissa: actually walking away, I think is the worst. I become so much more erratic when they start getting ready to leave and they do. I never leave. I stick it till the end. I think it's sooooo rude, when he feels he could just leave the house.
Babygirl22: my parents used to throw plates at each other and they've been married for 24 years with no signs of divorce at all. so I don't really think there is a wrong way to argue as long as you make up afterwards. Everybody needs to vent and if shouting helps then so be it.
Raquel: every time my husband and I having argument he leaves the house and drinking and come home being rude to me. I never leave the the house just pretending I'm sleeping so it won't end up hurting each other physically .
Ashley: walking away is the most important one for me. when an argument gets to the point where my anger is rising and neither of us is capable of rationally and fairly listening to the other person, walking away is the best (and hardest) option. nothing productive will come from an argument that's escalating to that level--all you'll get is words you wish you could take back. also, as my anger escalates I am more likely to want to "win" an argument and not listen to my partner, rather than resolve the problem or agree to disagree. same with my ex.
Aliza: I get really mad at times that I later regret
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