Whether you’re in a relationship with a guy or you simply like a guy, there should usually be a point in the relationship where you step back and evaluate your feelings for him. You need to ask yourself, do I like him or just the idea of him? If you start to worry that you may just like the idea of him rather than him as a person, consider these telltale signs the next time you find yourself thinking about it to save both of you some heartache from continuing a dead end relationship.
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1. You Didn’t Start to like Him until He Liked You
I think that one of the first signs that you just like the idea of someone is if you had no romantic feelings for him until you were made aware of his feelings for you. That could be a sign that your feelings from him stem from the fact that he likes you which isn't fair to either of you. If you only like him because he liked you then you clearly like the idea of a relationship better than the guy you're in one with.
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This article provides insight into how to tell if you truly like someone or are only attracted to the idea of being with them. It explains that if you didn't start to like someone until they expressed their feelings for you, it could be a sign that you are only attracted to the idea of being with them. The article also cautions that this isn't a fair situation for either person and that it may be more of an indication that you are more interested in the idea of having a relationship than the person you are in one with. Additionally, it suggests that if you are unsure of your feelings, it may be helpful to take some time to think about why you are attracted to the person in the first place. Other signs that you may only like the idea of a relationship include feeling more excited about the idea of being in one than the person themselves, or feeling more interested in the idea of a relationship than the person you are in one with.
2. The Thought of Being with Him is Unappealing
If the thought of being with him- even just hanging out- freaks you out or sounds unappealing, you probably like the idea of him more than the person. Stop wasting both your time and move on from that situation.
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Reflect on the reasons behind your discomfort. Is it his behavior, his interests, or simply the energy you feel around him that's off-putting? Trust your gut instincts. If you consistently dread interactions and find excuses to avoid spending time together, these are strong indicators that your attraction is superficial. Remember, a genuine connection should bring excitement and a sense of comfort, not a feeling of obligation or unease. It's okay to let go of a fantasy to make room for a relationship that truly resonates with you.
Frequently asked questions
3. You Start Noticing You Have Nothing in Common
When you take a step back and look at your relationship to ask yourself do I like him, you also need to look at if you have anything in common. If you do, are they interests that one of you has developed from the other person? If you had so few common interests before the relationship began, you’re probably more in love with the idea of him than your boyfriend himself.
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Having shared interests creates a foundation for bonding and engaging in activities together. However, if every attempt at shared hobbies or conversations feels forced or fleeting, this may signal a lack of genuine compatibility. Reflect on the moments you spend together—are these times enjoyable because of his presence or merely because you're attached to the notion of companionship? Take notice if the topics you discuss or the events you attend are truly enjoyable for both of you, or if it's becoming a one-sided affair where you're sacrifing your own likes just to maintain a facade of harmony.
4. You Don’t Really Know Him
If the guy you like isn’t someone you really know, but rather someone you’ve admired from afar, you probably love the idea of him more than the person himself. You really can’t be in love with someone you know on a fairly impersonal basis. You have to get to know him firsthand to know for sure.
5. You’re Trying to Change Him
If you’ve noticed that you’re constantly trying to change him to better fit the kind of person you want, you’re in love with the idea of him. If you really loved him, you wouldn’t be trying to turn him into someone he’s not because he’d be exactly what you wanted, flaws and all.
6. You’re Happier when He’s Not There
If you don’t like spending time with him, why are you with him? You’re not in the right relationship if you ask yourself do I like him and then realize you don't like spending time with him.. You should want to spend as much time with him as you possibly can not excited when you can’t be together.
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Feeling relieved or even joyful at the prospect of time apart is a sign that his presence might not be as fulfilling as you'd hope. Sure, it's healthy to enjoy some solo time, but if you're consistently more at ease when he's not around, it's worth delving into those feelings. Ask yourself what it is you're escaping from when he's absent. Is it the lack of tension, the freedom to be yourself, or simply the silence? If the thought of him doesn't bring a smile to your face, but rather a sigh of relief when he's gone, it might be time to reassess your emotions towards him.
7. You Love Being in Love
If you’re someone who just loves being in love you may love the idea of him more than him as a whole. If you're with him only to be in love, you need to cut him loose and re-evaluate your relationship.
How are you sure that you’re actually in love vs. just in love with the idea of someone? Let me know in the comments!
Comments
alexandra: Just got out of a three year relationship and this is excatly the beginning of our relationship
She: I don't think I need a guide to tell me if I'm in love thanks anyway lol
Allison: All these love posts really make me question my relationship. Ha
Karen: When I met the guy I am with now I met & made friends with his dog first. A couple of months later I finally met the dog's owner. A couple of months later later I discovered that I was in love with him, he basically moved my 2 children & myself moved in with him. About the time he moved us in to his place he told me that "he was interested in looking for a house for himself & his dog but now he wanted to find a house big enough to move us into a house that would be big enough for him, his dog, as well as myself & my kids. We started out as friends but it quickly turned from friendship to love to be with him as much as I could. I did "show" him why I was so reluctant to get into a serious relationship but he past the "kids" test (my kids really took to him right after I introduced them to Dean, as well as helping me through an "episode
Perky: This is so true. 😊😊😀
Jessica: Perfectly said Kent.. :)
Karen: from my having Multiple Sclerosis. He handled that episode which, at that time was an attack that was all in appearances of me passing out without much notification but it actually was a short circuit from my brain to the rest of my body but , in actuality I was still completely conscious. He made sure that my kids were okay & then he keptI knew then
Coolkates: Spot on. Was recently falling for the potential. Met him at a wedding and there was a fire sexual connection, but once we went on dates it was so awkward. However, he did just get out of a five year LTR. So, giving the guy time. Trusting the universe on this one, but falling for potential is something I have done many times before.
Lexi: I have a problem with #1. just because you didn't like them to start with till they showed their feelings for you doesn't mean anything. I didn't like my boyfriend till he told me he liked me. (actually loved me) haha. Anyways, we are in a healthy, loving relationship. in the start, I was mad my friend gave him my number. I never texted him back. I never snapchatted him back. He actually almost gave up on me and ended up giving my snapchat to his best friend because I liked him. That didn't work out because I knew he had to leave and go back to Italy (exchange student). I'm so glad he never gave up on me. I finally gave him a chance and I'm so glad I did. Don't let 1 prevent you from getting in a relationship.
Kent: I think, the way you may know if youre really inlove, is when you just dont know why you love him. It's like, the reason for loving is loving without reason. Youre just so into him whathever he do. And if youre far away in this, you just love the idea of him. Oh jeez.
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