No one likes to admit that their relationship is heading to the dog house, but there is no point in avoiding telling signs that you don’t want to be with him anymore and that it may be time to call it quits. Breakups are icky and sometimes it takes a whole lot of little things in our relationship to disintegrate for us to see that it just isn't working anymore. If you are on the fence, or have your head in the sand, then see if any of these telling signs that you don’t want to be with him anymore pertain to you…
1. ‘It’ Just Ain't Happening
There is a difference between experiencing a general lack of interest in sex, and not feeling sexual towards your partner specifically. If the thought of having sex with your boyfriend is as appealing as drinking a warm fish milkshake, but you are regularly pleasing yourself when he is not around, well, this is one of the telling signs you don't want to be with him anymore.
2. It’s the Little Things
If his party dance used to get you all hot and bothered and now you vomit a little in your throat every time he starts to boogie, then that’s a sign you don’t want to be with him anymore. We all do things that other’s may not like or find particularly ‘appealing,’ but if there are mannerisms of your partner's which you once found cute but now despise, then there may be some underlying issues.
3. Snarly Sue
Do you remember when you used to get a bit tipsy with your man, flirt the night away and then roll home for some fun (but often short-lived) sauciness between the sheets? A good friend once told me that ‘What the heart conceals the drink reveals.’ If the light, fun and flirty you has now been replaced by a tipsy troll whom snaps, barks and inevitably ends up arguing with her boyfriend at the end of each night out, then it may be time to rethink your relationship before hitting the town again.
4. Wandering Eyes
Do not get me wrong, to see a beautiful man is a lovely thing and I think it is our right (our duty even) to admire the male form, especially if semi naked and in impeccable shape. However if what was once a harmless look has now turned into imagining what your babies would look like, or doing the ‘dip and lift’ to create maximum boob exposure every time he passes you by, you may need to check yourself and whether or not the relationship you are in is fulfilling all of your needs.
5. Temper Temper
Arguments are a natural part of any relationship; it is inevitable that you and your partner will clash from time to time. However, if the arguments have become a daily occurrence and it seems you can not have a conversation with your boyfriend without blowing your lid, then something is obviously up. A lot of the time we argue over the little things because we are unable to address the real issues at hand or express what is really getting at us.
6. Lack of Interest
Good conversation is one of the foundations of every relationship. It may be a sign that your relationship has run its course if the conversation between you and your boyfriend has gone from stimulating to 'struggling to stay awake' dull. Do you find yourself contemplating what to make for dinner when he is telling you about his day? Would you rather watch paint dry than listen to him talk about his job or social life?
7. Very, Very... Low Maintenance
It is healthy to be comfortable around your partner, but it is very much a balancing act where caring too much may mean you are not yourself around him, and not caring enough may mean that you no longer care what he thinks about you. If you let out more gas than giggles or can not remember what your lady bits look due to the ‘foliage’ downstairs, then you may be letting yourself go because subconsciously you want to let him go.
8. Who Cares?
Although arguing all the time can be a sign that you don’t want to be with him anymore, so can not caring enough to argue at all. If your boyfriend upsets you or does something that in the past would have been an issue with you, and instead you couldn't care less, then maybe you have used all of your energy when it comes to your relationship and have no more to give?
9. Healthy Jealousy
Jealousy is an ugly trait, but there is a difference between caring whether or not your man is faithful to you and wanting to rip his eyeballs out if he so much as looks at another woman. To be frank, it’s important that you care that it’s only you he is bumping uglies with. Unless group love is your thing, you might have cause for concern if you have no issue with the idea of your boyfriend getting physical with another woman.
10. No Talking
Have chit-chatting about your plans or debriefing one another about your day become a chore? Communication is vital to a healthy relationship. If you can't bring yourself to have a quick conversation with your partner, he/she is clearly no longer an important part of your life and you'll probably want to think about having the breakup talk.
11. Exclusions and Limitations
Some couple are inseparable however, some people still enjoy time with friends and even some time alone. If you find yourself constantly making plans without your partner and tend to ignore them when you're out with others, it's a sure sign you're ready to move on.
12. All about You
Loving yourself is something we should all learn and be able to do. But, if we're no longer into our partner, we can easily overlook our partner's wants and needs and only focus on ourselves. Maybe you no longer care whether he likes what you wear or whether she'll want some help with her school project. If your list of priorities have become all about you, your partner is probably no longer an important part of your life.
13. No Respect
Respect is HUGE in any relationship. If you didn't respect your family or friends, what do you have? There are lots of relationships with love, drama and passion but if the respect is missing, it never lasts. When a couple doesn't respect one another, you don't care how you treat her, you don't care about what he wants and you definitely don't care to be in a relationship with them.
Relationships are not black and white; everyone I know has had doubts about their love relationships at one time or another in their lives. We don’t always know without a doubt that the relationship we are in is the one for us but there are signs that indicate which way things are going. Often our bodies, moods and emotions tell us what we are really feeling before we are ready to face it ourselves. Does anyone have any other telltale signs that you no longer want to be in the relationship you are in?
This post was written in collaboration with editor Lisa Washington