So you're dating someone new, and you really like them. After a while, it may become clear that this is shaping up to be a long-term deal. But until this happens, you may be unsure about where it's going. And you may think you're in it for the long term while the guy you're dating sees it just as a fling. How can you tell if what you have is going to develop into a serious relationship, or if it's just a fling …?
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He Makes Seeing You a Priority
It's fine for a couple to spend time apart, in fact it's healthy for you to have your own interests. But your partner should make seeing you a priority at least some of the time. If he'd always rather see a game with his friends than go out with you, then he's really not that enthused about seeing you - and it's possible that he's just using you to pass the time.
When someone is genuinely invested in a relationship, they plan their schedule with you in mind. This might mean rescheduling a casual meet-up with pals to attend something that's important to you, or simply dedicating a weekend evening for some quality time together. Sure, impromptu plans can be exciting, but consistently being an afterthought is not the sign of a serious connection. If you're often left feeling like a placeholder until something better comes along for him, it may be time to reevaluate where you stand in his life.
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Meeting the Family & Friends
Getting serious with someone means that you'll become part of each other's families. You'll also have been introduced to his friends. If, however, you've never met his family, and distance isn't an issue, he probably doesn't see you as fitting in to that part of his life. And (unless his family are awful) why would someone who was serious about you want to keep you separate?
Similarly, if he's keen on a future with you, his friends will know your name, your likes, and probably some of your inside jokes. Friends are the extended family we choose, and they play a significant role in validating our choices, including romantic ones. If you're part of his life, integration with his social circle isn't just a possibility—it's expected. Conversely, if you're always hearing about these mysterious friends but never crossing paths, it's worth considering where you stand.
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Talking about the Future
Can you imagine a future with your partner? Do you talk about plans together such as going on vacation, whether you want children, or buying a home? If you've been dating a while but he always changes the subject when you talk about the future, the signs point towards him not seeing this as a serious relationship.
Conversely, a partner who enthusiastically engages in conversations about shared long-term goals is likely considering a serious commitment. This includes discussing the intricacies of life plans, like deciding on mutual financial goals or how you'll spend holidays with each other's families. Their readiness to integrate you into their future signals they're treating the relationship with the gravity it deserves. If your partner is proactive about setting dates for future events, or openly mulls over potential life changes with you, it's a good indicator that they're in it for the long haul.
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Going in V Staying out
I'm beyond embarrassed when I look back and think of one guy I 'dated'. It was so clear that all he wanted was a fling, but I fooled myself into thinking it was a relationship. If all you ever do as a couple is stay in … it's not a relationship. A fling is sexual, a relationship involves going out and doing other things.
A relationship blossoms in the light of day, growing through shared experiences, conversations, and adventures that extend far beyond the bedroom. It should involve dinner dates, movies, family gatherings, and just enjoying each other's company in a variety of settings. When every interaction is shrouded in secrecy or limited to one location, it's a red flag. True connections are built on more than just physical chemistry; they are nurtured by the emotional and intellectual bonds that form when you truly invest in getting to know someone in all aspects of their life.
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One of You Has Recently Split up with Your Ex
While you can't rule out the possibility that a rebound relationship might actually work, jumping into a new relationship straight after leaving another is usually a mistake. Taking time to recover from the split and working out what you want is more likely to lead to a serious relationship next time around.
Immediately leaping into the dating pool post-breakup often means you're carrying unresolved issues and emotions into the new romance. It's important to allow yourself a period of self-reflection, healing, and personal growth. Understandably, the excitement and distraction of a new partner are tempting, but these quick fixes can cause more harm than good. A true foundation for a serious relationship is built when both parties are emotionally available and not using the relationship as a bandage for previous heartaches. Take the time to rediscover who you are alone—your next partnership will thank you for it.
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Meaning is not what you start with but what you end up with.
He's a Player
Does your guy have a reputation for being a player or a flirt? You might just be the one to convert him into a long-term love … but it's not that likely. Guys who have a series of short-term flings rarely change. A better prospect for a relationship is someone who's has longer relationships but can also handle being single.
Often, men labeled as players revel in the thrill of the chase and the ego boost that comes from winning someone's affections. They may not be equipped for the emotional demands and responsibilities that come with a serious, enduring partnership. While the idea of taming a wild heart is alluring, it's wiser to invest your energy in a mate who appreciates and is ready for the depths of a meaningful connection. Remember, changing someone is a Herculean task often fraught with disappointment. Look instead for a man whose actions speak of commitment and stability.
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He's There for You
Finally, one crucial issue is whether he's there for you when you need him. Flings don't want to be bothered with emotional needs, whereas serious guys know that it's not all fun. Guys who are serious will support you when you're going through tough times.
It's not just guys who pursue flings; you may be the one who isn't after anything serious.
Flings can be fun, providing that's what both parties want. Communication is important, and so is honesty. If all you really want is a fling, you should make that clear. It's hurtful to the other person to let them think you want a serious relationship if you don't. Have you ever thought you were in a relationship, when it turned out to only be a fling?
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