17 Things Your Partner Never Ever Wants You to do in Bed 😴 💤 ...


Sleeping with someone – really sleeping with someone – is awesome.

See, partnerships, long-term relationships, marriages, what-have-you … they're not all sunshine and rainbows.

The two of you will deal with all sorts of petty little annoyances.

Lots of them will exist not just in the bedroom, but in the bed – and no, believe it or not, the majority of the things your partner never wants you to do in bed have nothing to do with sex.

1. Eat Anything

Eat Anything

If it crunches, squishes, or leaves crumbs, your partner doesn't want you to eat it.

They may say they don't, but they're probably staring at the opposite wall, gritting their teeth in silence.

2. Especially Sun Chips

Especially Sun Chips

It's the bag.

That damn bag.

It breaks the sound barrier.

I am forbidden from ever eating Sun Chips in bed.2

3. Put Something Somewhere It Shouldn't Go

Put Something Somewhere It Shouldn't Go

You have to ask first!

Don't stick a finger somewhere it's never been before unless you've asked.

Ditto with penises and sex toys and things.

4. Make Them Sleep in the Wet Spot

Make Them Sleep in the Wet Spot

Somebody's gotta do it.

Nobody ever wants to.

5. Do a Dutch Oven

Do a Dutch Oven

Completely understandable.

That is gross and heinous and mean!

Never Dutch oven someone!

6. Have Insomnia

black and white, monochrome photography, emotion, photography, muscle,

Spend a night tossing and turning, and your partner's gonna let you know about it.3

Heather makes me go sleep somewhere else.

7. Suffer through the Flu


Heather … makes me go sleep somewhere else.

You know.

Heather's kind of a butt hole.

8. Steal the Sheets

Steal the Sheets

What your partner probably does not realize is that the only reason you steal the sheets in the first place is because you're just trying to steal them back.

9. Throw All the Covers on Their Side

Throw All the Covers on Their Side

Yank too hard and this happens, though.

No lie, either, this morning I woke up and I was buried in blankets.

Heather got hot and threw all of hers onto my side.

Slip an Arm beneath You
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