If you don’t know how to choose between two guys, I’m going to enlighten you. I know this is a really difficult position to be in because it's confusing to everyone involved. Unfortunately you are going to have to hurt someone that you care about by letting him go and that really sucks. If you need a bit of help on how to choose between two guys, here’s a couple of good ways to clarify that whirlwind of emotions going through your mind.
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1. Determine the Qualities of Each Guy
One of the best tips on how to choose between two guys is to determine what you want in a partner. Make a list and write down qualities that you think makes a good partner. Although we all have a unique criteria when choosing a guy, there are certain qualities that a good guy should have. Qualities like loyalty, kindness, compassion and helpfulness are must-haves. Think about which guy actually has the qualities that you are looking for in a long-term partner.
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When it comes to choosing between two guys, it is important to take into consideration a variety of factors. You should consider not only the qualities of each guy, but also their lifestyle, values, and goals for the future. It is also important to consider how compatible you are with each of them and how you feel when you are around them.
In addition to the qualities that make a good partner, such as loyalty, kindness, compassion, and helpfulness, it is important to consider the other qualities that are important to you. Do you want a guy who is ambitious and driven, or someone who is laid back and content with the status quo? Do you want a guy who is outgoing and adventurous, or someone who prefers to stay close to home? Do you want a guy who is family-oriented and enjoys spending time with his parents and siblings, or someone who is more independent and prefers to spend time alone?
2. How Compatible Are You?
Figure out who are you most compatible with when it comes to important factors like lifestyle choices, personalities, career goals, finances and the number of children you want to have. Now number each one of these things in order of importance. This list will serve as a roadmap and it will help lead you to the guy that is the best fit for you.
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When it comes to choosing between two guys, it's important to consider a variety of factors. Everyone has different values and priorities when it comes to relationships, so it's important to be mindful of these when making a decision. Here are 21 tips to help you make the right choice:
Consider your lifestyle choices. Do you prefer a more relaxed lifestyle or an active and adventurous one? Do you want to travel or stay in one place?
Examine their personalities. Do they have similar values and beliefs? Do they have similar interests? Are they compatible with your sense of humor?
Factor in career goals. Do both of them have similar career goals? Are they both ambitious and driven?
Evaluate their financial situation. Do both of them have stable jobs and incomes? Are they able to support themselves and you financially?
Think about the number of children you want to have. Do both of them want the same number of children? Are they willing to compromise if your expectations differ?
Consider your family and friends. Does their opinion matter to you? Are they supportive of your choice?
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3. Compare the Two Suitors
It’s time to be analytical and compare the two guys trying to win your heart. Write down the name of each guy next to the item that you have on your lists if he matches it. Weigh the importance of each item as you go. It will become a bit more clear which guy is better suited for you because he will match up with a lot of the things that you are looking for in a relationship and in a guy in general.
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When it comes to choosing between two guys, it can be a difficult decision. It’s important to take into account the qualities and characteristics that you value in a partner. Consider the following tips when making your decision:
Make a list of the qualities you want in a partner. This could include things like intelligence, kindness, honesty, financial stability, and ambition.
Compare the two guys against the list. Think about how each one measures up to the qualities you’ve identified.
Consider the physical aspects. Do you have a physical attraction to one more than the other?
Think about your compatibility. Do you have similar interests and values? Is there chemistry between the two of you?
Consider their past relationships. Have they been in long-term relationships before? Do they have a history of commitment?
Consider the future. Are they looking for the same things as you in the future? Do you share the same vision for the future?
Consider how they treat you. Are they respectful and kind to you? Do they make you feel special and appreciated?
4. Relationship Deal-breakers
Think about the things that you won’t tolerate in a partner. Some relationship deal-breakers might be like never compromises, has no passion for traveling, calls you names, tries to control you and gets angry easily. An overly-involved ex can also be a relationship deal-breaker. Ask yourself if either guy comes with a relationship deal-breaker.
5. Consider Your Feelings
Think about how you feel when you are around each guy. Which one do you enjoy being with the most? Ask yourself questions like which guy do you have more fun with? Which guy is more loving towards you? Which guy are you more sexually attracted to? Which guy causes that weak in the knees feeling and gives you butterflies when you are around him?
6. Look for Any Red Flags
Sometimes we wear rose-colored glasses when we are dating so we tend to overlook things we shouldn't. It’s time to look at the situation objectively. There may be subtle red flags popping up that you have ignored. Red flags include things like he has a negative attitude, blames other people for his problems or is moving too quickly for you.
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It's crucial to trust your instincts if something feels off. Is one of them consistently disrespecting your boundaries or making disparaging comments? These behaviors can be indicative of deeper issues that are likely to surface later in a more pronounced way. Pay attention to how each guy treats service staff or how he responds to stress and disagreements. Actions speak louder than words, and consistent small behaviors often reveal more about a person's character than grand gestures. Don't ignore these signs, as they can help you make a more informed decision about who is better for you.
7. How Does He Handle Real Life?
Think about how each guy handles real life situations. For example, how do they handle a bad day? How do they deal with unexpected challenges in life? Is he the type that will learn from his mistakes or refuse to admit he is ever wrong? Which guy is most likely to be with you through the ups and downs of life?
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Observing these behaviors can be incredibly telling. A man who shuts down or lashes out when the going gets tough may not provide the steadfastness you’d hope for in a long-term partner. On the contrary, if he communicates effectively, remains calm under pressure, and shows that he can bounce back from setbacks, he’s exhibiting qualities that suggest he’s equipped to handle the rollercoaster of life side by side with you. Assessing their problem-solving skills and resilience can give you invaluable insight into what your future with either might hold.
8. Sense of Being Unfaithful
When you are with one of the guys on a date, do you have a feeling in the pit of your stomach that you are kind of cheating? Even if there isn’t a solid exclusive commitment with the other guy, it's possible that you might feel this way. It may feel like you belong with the other person instead of the guy you are currently on the date with. Most likely this is your subconscious trying to alert you that it's made a decision for you.
9. Listen to Your Heart
Close your eyes and really listen to your heart. Listening to your heart is the key to which guy will truly make you happy. Listen to that inner voice that tells you this guy isn’t the right one. Surprisingly after you have done all the work on your lists and have considered these questions, you may find that neither guy is the right one for you. If this is the case, it's better to realize this now than a few years down the road.
10. Life without One
You need to play out two different scenarios in your head, one in which you break guy #1's heart and one in which you break guy #2's heart. Which scenario seems unbearable? Which guy would you not be able to stand losing? He's the one you need to keep around.
11. Who do You Hope Texts You?
When you hear your phone beep, whose name do you want to pop up? If you're more into guy #2, then your heart will drop a little when you see that it's only guy #1 who's texting you. It's a simple way to figure out the answer to a huge question.
12. Same Conversation
If you're a movie buff, start a conversation with one guy about a film you've just seen and see how he responds. Now do the same with the other guy. When you talk to them about the same conversation and see how differently they respond, it could help you figure out which one you want around.
13. Imagine Forever
Can you imagine walking down the aisle with one of them? If you feel like you'll have a longer relationship with one, then there's a reason for that. He's the one that you should pick.
14. Feeling Bad about Yourself
If one of the guys is always hurting you mentally or physically, you don't need him. The guy who's right for you will make you feel like the most beautiful gal in the universe. He should be showering you with compliments, not trying to make you feel bad about yourself.
15. Don't Ask Others
You might think that asking your friends' opinions on the issue will help you decide, but it won't. They don't know the guys like you know them, and they can't tell what you're feeling in your heart. As difficult as it is, you're the only one who can make this decision.
16. Silence
Which guy do you feel the most comfortable sharing silence with? You should be with someone who makes you happy, even when you're just sitting on the couch together, reading separate books. His presence alone should make you smile.
17. Which One Has Potential?
Which guy do you think has a good future in front of him? If one refuses to work, but the other is headed toward a stable career, you should think about what it says about them. You want someone who is responsible, don't you?
18. What do They Want?
If you never want to have kids, but one of the guys is set on having a huge family, then he's not the right one for you. Unless one of you are willing to adjust your future lifestyles to make the other happy, the relationship will never work. You should choose the guy who wants the same type of future as you do.
19. Honesty
Who are you most honest with? If you're comfortable lying to one guy, but feel horrible when you lie to the other, then you should be with the guy you're always honest with. You can't have a relationship full of lies, so definitely choose the man you're most truthful with.
20. Common Interests
You don't have to have all of the same interests, but you want to have a few things in common. If you don't, then how will you ever pick a movie or a restaurant that you both love? Think about which guy you'll have more exciting dates with.
21. Remember Little Things
Do you know both of their favorite colors? What about their birthdays? Their mother's names? If you remember more little details about one guy, he's probably the one you want to be with.
Unless you are into polyamory, you will have to choose between these two guys eventually. If both guys are in love with you, it's not fair to keep their life in limbo. Although you might miss the other guy, the right thing to do is to let him go so he can find his perfect mate. Ladies which of these tips helped you when you had to choose between two guys?
This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.
Comments
Lovelivelaughlikemonroe: Two. What a big number... It's two more then i have
Shelby: I have lived through this! I've had feelings for this one guy for YEARS and when he finally wanted to move our relationship to the next level, I met someone else. I was torn between the 2 guys, but one night while still deciding between the two, I felt like I was cheating on the new guy in my life. All me and the other man did that night was watch a movie and take funny face pics on my laptop, but I still felt horrible and dirty. The next time I saw the new man in my life and he said he wanted the same amount of kids I did and the other guy didn't want kids at all, it proved to me who I had to pick. That "new guy," is now my Husband. :)
Henna: I need two guys to like me first!!
Rochelle: English men oh yea!!!!
Jojo: What do u do if one guy makes u weak at the knees & gives u butterflies...but patently doesn't want ur kids?? He tells u he loves u & that's what u hang onto, yet u found out he's looking for a house with someone else!?? #get a clue eh?!
Amber: I'm in serious trouble here...I've been in an 8 year long semi rocky relationship, except for the fact he's got a great job and provides me with stable security and support. He's a good man but we don't have very good communication skills and we have been separated but still working on our relationship...trying to anyway. But then I met a man through a site and I didn't expect to have such strong feelings for this new guy. we've been talking for a few months now and he wants to take our relationship to the next level. I've been putting off meeting the new guy for obvious reasons, and because I'm terrified. He gives me butterflies, non stop conversation, excitement, warmth and all of that just through the phone. It' would be intense if I met him in person and I just have to make a decision. He doesn't have a job is the only thing. I really don't know what to do...but the new guy is starting to pressure to see me and I know if I did that, I'd have to make a decision and let one go but I don't know which one. Either way, one man is going to be really hurt and I will be too. :(
Dee: NEED ADVICE**911**My situation is kinda different.. please no judgement.. as I really don't know what to do..this won't be short..in a 8year relationship w/someone who is serving yet another 2-3 year sentence.. love was perfect except the obvious he keeps going back to jail for petty crimes..& thats what scares me..that he will keep going back(trying to plan a family here) my family adored him & he treated me amazing..as I stood by his first bid faithfully in trust that it would never happen again..I turned my loneliness&anger; into a love affair that now has me torn.. currently secretly have a man living w/me..that I've been seeing for over a year.. one that was my eye candy for about 3years but I never dared to cheat..even crazier we work together so it makes things that much more complicated.. secret lover man has 3kids & a whole lot of baby momma drama ugh..is responsible financially.. emotionally ehhh..he has his moments...is really fun & loves life..absolute insane sexual connection..although..during our year of dating managed to get involved with 2other woman that based on a technicality that we are not "official" I overlooked it especially knowing what I was hiding.. he "knows" of my guy but thinks I ended things..yes somehow i fell for him.. head over heels ..in love with him.. he has strong feelings for one of his childs mom...or as he likes to say it.."I'm over her I just don't want no other man raising my kids".. is a super social butterfly when it comes to facebook & social media which drives me insane... but has proved himself somewhat worthy over the past couple months.. 8year now may get released early.. I KNOW I am being unfair by leading both men on.. but at some point you have to be selfish & think about whats best for you & that I cannot decide (not getting younger here) I can't let go of my 8year .. and I'm worried that I may be messing up what me & love affair guy now have.. something we worked our way up too & it wasn't easy.. I feel like a "lady" with new guy.. with 8year I just felt like a babysitter.. but he knows me.. he knows me better then I know myself & is that guy that will stand by my side no matter what.. however .. if I choose him & he hears anything of new guy through neighbors or what have you.. I will be risking new guy for no reason cause 8 year will not accept that.. It just seems easier to start a life with new guy.. but I can't let go of 8 year.. whats worse is that now I am really feeling the pressure of making the decision & the guilt.. I like out burst in tears at any given moment cause I truly don't know what I'm going to do.. yes I have met new guys children only one time though.. & fell in love with them instantly...yes I repeat to him at least 3times a week that if he wants to fix his family then to do it..also giving him the option of clearing my second bedroom so his kids can stay whenever he wants..please no critcism.. if you knew me & what horrible things my love life has been like in the past you would understand.. and I can't afford to make any more wrong decisions & waste time on the wrong guy.. yes I've done wrong with the cheating but I just wanna be happy like anyone else.. please help..
Tamara: I really... Really wish I have seen this way sooner. Because I truly coward on what I really needed and lost this special person, probably forever. And it's been 5 months.. And it's been really hard not to dwell over it. And I'm not the type to do so...
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