Believe it or not, there are several advantages of a second marriage that a first marriage does not have to offer. While it is sad that all marriages can’t work out the first go round, the truth is that a second marriage can be even better because of the reasons I talk about here. I know this because I am in my second marriage and have never been happier. Let me share some of the advantages of a second marriage with you.
One of the advantages of a second marriage is that generally, a person chooses much differently than they did the first go round. There are those random few that seem to choose the same type of person over and over, but most people learn their lesson. You have learned what you don’t want in a spouse so you can be on guard against those traits. Typically, we approach marriage the second go round with more of a logical, analytical approach. Of course there are feelings involved, but they are weighed against the facts.
Going through the ending of a marriage has brought you face to face with who you really are. You know what your values are and you know what matters to you. You can go into a second marriage with a better knowledge of yourself. You will likely be able to have better discussions with your spouse and look for shared values. This gives your second marriage a strong foundation.
One advantage divorce gives us is that it makes us face our feelings up close and personal. Most people that go through a divorce can recognize their feelings much easier because they have spent so much time wrestling with them. Believe it or not, that is a good thing for your second marriage because you won’t be as likely to ignore the little things that bother you. You are in tune enough to address things when they are still little things. You can work through things easier.
After going through a bad marriage and divorce, you are so happy to have a good marriage with someone else. If you haven’t had your needs met for a very long time and you suddenly do, it means a lot to you. One lesson you do learn through a failed first marriage is appreciation in the second. Little things mean everything to you. My husband and I often say that it is sad we didn’t find each other earlier but if we had, we may not have appreciated what we have in each other.
In a first marriage, there are many adjustments. They may include moving out of your parents’ home or going from living alone to living with your spouse. You discover that marriage is not an endless honeymoon. There is no shock factor in a second marriage. You have a realistic picture of what daily married life is and want to proceed anyways.
I have often said that the person you chose at 20 may not be the one you would have chosen at 25 or 30. You can make decisions with a better frame of mind. You know what is important and what isn’t. You have the ability to deal with things much better than you did when you were younger. You realize that many things are not important that you once thought were.
After a person has been through a divorce, they do not want to go through one ever again. They know the horror of watching something they have worked so hard to build crumble around them. And they do not want to experience that again. So, they go into marriage the second time heavily committed. Their commitment can be even stronger than in the first marriage because they know what is at stake.
Second marriages do have some advantages over first ones. Any second marrieds out there? What other advantages would you add here?