If you have gone through a devastating breakup with your ex and then reconciled, you may need a bit of help to move past the hurt. One of the worst things to do in your new relationship with your ex is to constantly remind him of the pain and hurt that he caused when he initiated the breakup. So I’m going to help you, with my list below so you can move past the hurt because I want you all to have successful relationships!
Snapshot Survey
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Please subscribe for your personalized newsletter:
1. Stop Feeding Negative Feelings
It’s normal to have emotions like anger, hurt and resentment about the breakup itself or the events leading to the breakup; but, you have to let them go girl! A good way to work through these feelings and move past the hurt is to write a letter. This is the time to write stuff down that hurt you, like how much of an ass he was during your separation, how you hate that he dated other people while you were broken up or how you wish he falls in a fiery volcano so he can feel pain like you did. Then release those feelings by burning the letter or tear it up into shreds because no one should see it. Letting go of those emotions is completely necessary because the more you feed negative emotions, the stronger they become.
2. Time to Forgive
This love stuff can be hard and confusing at times and it's not an exact science. We all stumble and fall on our faces along the way trying to find a great love. Your boyfriend is no different. You have to forgive that he made the biggest mistake in his life by letting you go. You also have to forgive him for hurting you. Give him credit for being able to recognize that the two of you share something special and it's not replaceable because some guys never get to that point.
Frequently asked questions
3. Your New Relationship and Your Old Relationship
Understand that your new relationship and the one that failed are not the same at all. It’s important to distinguish the two, especially if your new relationship is going to have a chance at succeeding. This means that you have to accept that the old relationship that wasn't working is dead. This new relationship is not a continuation of the old relationship. It’s a fresh new relationship that gives you both a chance to start over with a clean slate.
4. Make a Reasons List
Think of all the things you love about your man and write a 'Reasons I Love You' list. Write things like: he has killer abs, he has a great sense of humor, he’s good with cats or kids, and he has an awesome personality. This exercise will help remind you of the reasons why you are willing to move past the hurt to give him another chance even though he majorly screwed up by letting you go.
5. Aim for a Good Relationship
One of the best ways to move past emotional pain and hurt is to put your energy into learning what it takes to make a relationship successful. Instead of thinking about the negative things when you broke up, refocus your thoughts. Those negative thoughts can replay a million times, like a broken record player, if you allow them to. So, try to come up with ways that will help you get the kind of relationship that you want.
6. Realize There Was a Point to It All
Going through a breakup is like riding an emotional roller coaster that makes you sleep deprived, appetite-less and sick to your stomach, all while crying an endless river of tears. You may resent your man because he made you go through all that breakup crap for nothing because you guys ended up back together; but my dear, there was a point to it all even if you can’t see it now. Many couples find that after patching things up, the new relationship is much stronger, they have greater appreciation for each other and they don’t give up as easily as before on problems.
7. Good Things as a Result of the Breakup
Another way of moving past the hurt and anger of a breakup is to look back at the way you have transformed as a person. Although you may have felt tremendous hurt during the breakup, chances are some good things happened because of it. Maybe you met new friends, found new hobbies or learned more about yourself. Think of all the good things that happened during the breakup that makes you an even better partner now.
Ultimately, the choice is yours whether you choose to dwell in the painful emotions of the past or move forward. Hands down, it's better to move forward and forgive and forget all the wrongs from the old relationship if you feel that this guy is special. So girls, can you think of other ways that you can move past the emotional pain from a breakup after you get your ex back?
Comments
Jennas512: Really great tips but so far I've only dates ass holes so doesn't apply for me haha
Emjay: This article really gave me some good tips!
Melissa: Omg thank you.
Gabrielle: Great article. Such clean, clear advice. Thank you for sharing
Viviana: As much as it hurts, sweety the guy doesnt want to get back with. Let it go and move on. Its the best. He should have given you an answer long time ago or better/rational answers. When my boyfriend and I broke up for the first time (he is also my first love and everything), we are living together and he took all his belongings, 2 days passed and he was back with all of his things. And for those 2 days he was actually always with me and called me every morning. Thats love. You know right away when the guy is there for you
Joanne: I agree @Melody!! He/She is an ex for a reason...try to keep that in mind everyone!!
Jenna: my boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago but we've still been hanging out. Then he liked another girl and then on Thursday last week he told me he was stupid and that he really didn't like her and he's been kissing me and calling me baby and telling me he loves me and what not. Yesterday we hung out and everything was back to normal. He gave me a kiss, we did some things, we watched TV and cuddled, he kept asking to cuddle with me and kept kissing me. He keeps telling me that we're gonna get back together just to give it time, and it's already been 2 weeks. Last night I told him I wanted an answer by the time I leave. Well I kept asking him for an answer and he kept saying I don't know. Then he told me "It will most likely be a yes, don't worry". Well I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of dreading over the fact that I'm wasting my time when I could be moving on. I want to be with him because this is my first love, the guy I lost my virginity too, I'm close with his family, we dated for 1 year and 4 months, but I don't want to waste anymore time. I want an answer TODAY. What should I tell him? I'm gonna call him later. He told me last night we would text about it and when I kept asking for an answer he kept saying "I can't come up with an answer right now" It's almost been 3 weeks, he's had plenty of time to think. So what should I tell him when we're on the phone?
Patricia: Best article I've read on this :') thank you so much. I needed this.
Інна: I liked his a lot - it was all I needed for now.. Thanks!
Viviana: Andddddd wants to be with you
:
Feedback Junction
Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge