All Women's Talk

Are You Dating a Narcissist ?

By Khadija

Loving Mr. Narc. Are you dating a narcissist?
“You look beautiful. Do you mind if I ask what your name is?” His approach is questionable but smooth. He keeps eye contact as if he truly means what he has said. You start to blush but are still hesitant. “Amanda” You give in and boom it’s all downhill from then on. What could I possibly be talking about? Coming across a narcissist.

Now, this article is not to discredit anyone who comes across this way but to simply inform my lovers looking for love to be mindful of the person looking for the opportunity to break you and control you. If you haven’t heard of a narcissist, Google will be your best friend. The person could be a man or a woman and they are the epitome of snake charmers. First off, they only choose the best of the best. Good looking people to date, marry or befriend as the people they try to entice are an extension of their self. If you are desired by many and are out there living your best life, they will try diligently to be a part of that by any means necessary.

How do you know they're a narcissist? In the beginning, it is a lot harder to distinguish as they tend to come off as kind, emphatic, loving and strickenly beautiful people inside and out but that is all a façade to get you into their twisted world of their own. After they have hypnotized you with their charm, that’s when the real crap begins. It will start off as most ‘real’ blooming relationships do. Outings like dinners, movies, drinks, art show or even a family event. So, are you dating a narcissist?

They will even mimic you to seem as if they could possibly be the one you are looking for all your life, as some like to call it, a soulmate. They are only mirroring who they think you want them to be to get what they want from you. What do they want from you, your soul…okay, I’m pushing it, but they take all you are and turn you into a wreck!

I have seen it for myself. Girlfriends with highly dysfunctional relationships, friends being pushovers for who they consider being their best friend or even family members that take and take and when you confront them, they act completely oblivious to their wrongdoings making you question yourself.

Below, I have listed the important traits to beware of when encountering these people.

1 The Lovable Phase

This is the “get you” part. The devoted attention they give you. Communicating with you every day, throughout the day. Love texts, plenty of phone calls and surprise date nights during the week.

2 The Devaluing Phase

This is the phase that makes you think you did something wrong as they start acting less interested and not doing nearly half of the things they used to do. That’s all because they're testing you to see how you react. They love a good reaction, good or bad, it’s all attention to the narcissist.

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3 Silent Treatment

The part that hurts the most is when you go from hearing from them less and less to not hearing from them at all. Days, weeks and even months. This is for them to see if you will reach out and give in to their games. Even if you do, it only allows them to daggle you on a string at their own convenience.

4 Hovering Phase

After finally getting your groove back and realizing you are the bomb.com, they magically appear like nothing happened. Trying to make small talk or even dates for the coming weekend. You think this is flattering only to be left disappointed when you cave into their demands making the next time worse than before.

5 Devaluing Phase

Recycling isn’t only for cans and boxes but for hardcore narcs. Before you know it, you're back to feeling like nothing all over again. When they're low on supply and need some attention, contacting old flings is easier to get it from and less work than starting fresh. These people are ruthless who are created in a laboratory, as this is all a game to them.

Spare yourself the confusion and pain and remember what you felt like the first time they put you through it and how hard it was to bounce back. When you implement the no contact rule, some will go to great lengths to get you to reach out and talk to them so they can sucker you back in. Even pull a Brad Pitt scene and cry, tell you a relative died or they have a terminal illness to get you back right where they want you.

If you want to test if you’re dealing with a narcissist, kindly say no to their suggestions playfully but be stern. Make them wait to take you out, take some time before you respond to their calls and messages and don’t be at their beck and call. This is not you playing a game, this is you ensuring you’re not being played with and are getting involved with someone that actually wants a real relationship with you and not someone that has mommy and daddy issues. To all my lovers, be safe and beware.

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