It’s one of the biggest decisions you can make so you want to be sure it’s the right thing to do. As well as actually wanting to, you should look for the signs you are ready to live with your SO. So what are the signs?
When you live with someone, where are you going to hide? You have to be comfortable with your SO even when you don’t have any make up on, your hair’s a mess, and you haven’t brushed your teeth yet. You’ll have to be comfortable with his random burps and farts too. You’ll have to be comfortable with each other’s bodily functions, moods, and embarrassments without flinching.
Yes, showering together can be very romantic. All those suds and that nice warm water can add a little sizzle to any relationship. But he knows there’s a practical side to that too; showering together saves water and money, money which could be used for something besides a water bill.
Moods are usually temporary things, and should be treated that way. It could be your time of the month, he could he having a man period, or it might just be a bad day (or week). The point is, you need to accept each other despite these temporary fluctuations and roll with it.
That knowing upward nod, that look you give him from across that table, that silly grunt he makes when he doesn’t like something. If you can tell what each other is thinking without even saying a word, that’s a pretty good sign you know each other pretty well.
If you already spend four nights at his place a week, or he sleeps over at your place more than he is at his own place, then you’re kind of already living together. Are your clothes already in each other’s homes? Do you have foods or other items stocked that the other one likes? If you already know what waking up next to each other nearly every morning is like, you might be ready to combine households.
You had a big blow up that you were sure would end your relationship, but it didn’t. Somehow, you muddled through and got past the disagreement and continued being a couple. It turns out this is a good indicator of how long your relationship will last - people that learn to communicate through their disagreements, even when they are major, usually can overcome other problems that may arise by using those same communication tools.
And he’ll know your favorite foods. Pizza night? He knows you like the pepperoni and olive pizza. At your favorite country restaurant? You know he’ll hone in on the chicken fried steak. Is he bringing home wine? He knows you like a good cabernet. You know each other’s food likes and dislikes, and how you both make gagging noises when people talk about oysters.
Relationship experts say going on vacation together is sort of like a trial run for living together. Going away for a week or two and spending 100% of your time together will help you know how well you’d get along if you were living together long-term. If you become irritated at your partner’s habits or attitudes, you might not be ready. But if you had a great time, it could be time to move in together.
When you’re all goggle-eyed and hormone-crazed is NOT the time to be making decisions about moving in together. Experts say that the honeymoon stage lasts for about 6 months to a year, then you can start actually seeing the person for who they are rather that through rose-colored glasses.
One person doesn’t get to make all the decisions. Sure, there are probably lots of programs you enjoy together, but neither one of you gets too upset if you want to watch a chick flick and he wants to watch an action-packed shoot-everyone-you-see show. You find a way to compromise and maybe even sit through the programs together.
You still find each other attractive whether you’re all glitzed up to go to a party or just staying home in your PJs. You recognize that neither one of you is perfect, and accept each other flaws and all. In fact, you may even help each other with those flaws. You accept that he’s better at some things than you, and vice-versa, and help each other with things you’re not so good at doing.
If you feel pressure from anyone to move in together, don’t do it. No amount of pressure from parents, friends, or even your partner will make it right if it’s not right yet for you. Anytime you feel that nagging doubt, trust yourself. Perhaps you could compromise and move closer to each other, or suggest you wait a determined amount of time before you visit the topic again.
So, you’re afraid the tie the knot so you want to move in together instead? It’s a big mistake most people make in their relationships. It’s a little like shopping for a car - maybe you don’t want to buy one, so you decide to lease or rent. In your mind, is your partner just on lease, or are you looking to buy? Moving in is great if buying is what you both have in mind.
Your relationship is pretty much doomed to failure if you tend to ignore your problems then move in together. Look at the kinds of conflicts you and your SO have - are they the same arguments that keep creeping up, not getting resolved? If no one is working on these issues, they will only get 100 times worse once you’re living together and in close proximity all the time. They build up until one of you explodes, causing even more damage. If both of you are trying to make some progress, there’s hope, but learn these conflict resolution skills before you move in together.
Yes, he might harbor a love for ‘70’s metal bands, and you might think Selena Gomez is an underappreciated starlet. He may not be able to appreciate this music the same way you do, and you may not be crazy about his love for old metal, but you can compromise and take turns listening to each other’s music without complaint.
Yeah, that “what are we?” talk should have already taken place before you decide to move in together. It might sound ridiculous, but there are so many interpretations of the “what are we” question that it’s not a good idea to presume. It’s so much better if you’ve sat down and defined your relationship. If you discover, for instance, that you think you are a steady couple headed towards marriage and your partner has a different idea, it’s best to know this first.
Face it. The fireworks in a relationship only last so long. It’s always best if you can base your love on friendship and not on momentary passion. Friends, however, can pal around together even when the sparks aren’t aflame and the desire is on the back burner. If you can cultivate the desire to be with each other even when you aren’t burning with the need to be intimate, you could have a long term relationship that could only benefit from living under the same roof.
This isn’t a bad thing. It only goes to show that you are not being cavalier about this decision. It’s a big one that deserves a lot of thought. In fact, it you are not the least bit apprehensive, relationship experts suggest taking a step back just to be sure you are not in fantasy mode or you’re not just thinking about how fun it would be to play house with your lover.
It might seem counterintuitive, but if you’re not thinking of your SO as the piece that’s missing from your life, that’s all the better. No one should think they are ever incomplete if they aren’t with their lover. You should never think you have your better half because that means you are only half and you’re not. If you have a great life even without your partner and see your SO as the cherry on the cake of your life, you’ve got a good thing going. If you see him as something that completes you, you’re not ready to move in together.
Are you thinking of taking this big step soon?
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