By Lucy • 3 Comments
An 'Avoidant' is one of the main types of attachment styles that can be recognised from a few major key signs.
If you're getting involved with someone new, remember that they may not necessarily be an Avoidant but it may pay to keep your eyes peeled for any telling signs of their attachment style - whatever that may be!
This will help you work out what kind of relationship it will be and ultimately if they are compatible with you.
These can vary between physical and emotional, but ultimately acts as a 'barrier' so that they can never be fully reached or accessible (which is when they feel both threatened and suffocated).
This is because talking about feelings and emotions strengthens emotional connections as they learn more about each other and their needs.
They are dismissive of their partner and their feelings since they don't want to be tied down in the least, and caring about others counts as this.
They act out to stop others in their tracks if they are getting too close or know too much about them.
They change their mind quicker than their partner can keep up with which makes it difficult to figure them out and decipher their needs and desires.
Plans and romantic outings are hardly set in stone because the avoidant has trouble committing, even so much as a date.
They are constantly looking out for threats which may invade or compromise their personal space and independence as well as being aware of those who want to create more intimacy with them.
Avoidants are incapable of being in long-term relationships without feeling the strain, pressure, commitment and expectations that come with it so they end it quickly (also before their partner has a chance to hurt them).
They tend to be alone for long periods of time as this is where they are most comfortable but may engage in a short term or casual relationship because this is the maximum amount of intimacy they can handle before feeling suffocated and tied down.
They will quickly become restless and feel the urge for space again, pulling away and cutting all strings.
Avoidants are so self-reliant that they don't seek these from anyone so they view this as weak behaviour of others.
However this is simply a defensive mechanism used by the avoidant to prevent others from getting too close for comfort and the invasion of their personal space.
This can give the impression that they simply don't care and aren't interested in confrontation or resolving issues with their partner, making them extremely hard to communicate with at the best of times. As a result their partner can feel neglected, dismissed and not cared for.
This explains why they often view others in a negative and cynical way, assuming there's malicious intent behind their motives and it's a 'trap' they must stay clear of.
They have a critical inner voice which reminds them they aren't meant to be in relationships and are better off alone, that others want to trap them and they need to focus on protecting themselves.