You may be somewhat perplexed by the title. What are the ways to break up with someone you're not actually dating? Sounds crazy, right?
Why would you need ways to break up with someone you’re not actually dating? There are various stages to relationships and some develop before you even get to the dating stage. These days we find love in all sorts of ways and we might very well progress toward a date for quite some time. You might be chatting online and getting close to the “let’s meet” stage or, you might have been crushing on someone and just getting to know him. But then you reach the point where you realise you are no longer interested in him romantically and simply don’t want to date.
You might not be official but there is still a connection that has developed that needs to be addressed. So how do you break up with someone you’re not dating?
1. Ways to NOT Break up
Just like there are ways to break up with someone you're not actually dating, there are dating behaviours that are just not acceptable. Just because you aren’t official, it doesn’t mean you don’t show the other party respect and care. The three things you shouldn't do are:
- Ghost him (this is a horrible modern trend)
- Slowly fade away until he gets the hint (you have to be thick skinned to deal with this if he continues to call you, text you or message you online)
- Act like an idiot so he “dumps” you
2. Accept That You Owe Him Something
That something is a response. A response to wherever you are in your relationship. If you no longer want to see him, chat with him online, or message him or call him, you need to tell him. If you are a decent person who cares about others’ feelings, you will want to do this. You will want to let hi, know that you are no longer interested in him because he deserves a let down response.
You may be concerned that letting him down is hurtful, but trust me, being ghosted, zombied or mistreated is no boost for anyone’s self-esteem. These behaviours also take emotional energy on your behalf. Why bother wasting that effort when you could be investing it in your next dip into the dating pool? Brace yourself for the discomfort and deal with the issue, no matter how awkward.
3. Tell Him
The best way is to keep it simple, honest and straightforward. Every situation is different so you need to consider how you make the approach. If you have only made contact by chatting online, you can let him know you are no longer interested by thanking him for the fun chats, and letting him know you don’t think you’re a good match. If it's a first date, it is perfectly acceptable to send a text thanking him for the date and telling him you don’t feel a romantic connection.
If your connection has been building up to a first date but when the time comes and you’re asked out, you decide that there is no romantic feeling, do not give into the pressure of feeling you owe him. Do not simply go on the date because it is the easiest option. All that does is postpone the need to tell him. Politely decline and explain why. You will also need to decide whether you can remain friends or if you will cut all ties.
There are many horrible dating trends these days that leave people confused, upset and angry. Be honest and fair, because after all, wouldn’t you want to be treated the same way?