Women and men both are guilty of the biggest breakup mistakes that often lead to a chaotic outcome. It's impossible to deny the agonizing sting of a breakup, and we tend to slip up when we're feeling weak. While realizing that someone no longer wants you in their life is painful, it's important to maintain your composure. It's not the end of the world. Because I’ve recently gone through a lengthy and unpleasant breakup, these biggest breakup mistakes are fresh in my mind!
1. Maintaining Contact
One of the biggest breakup mistakes I’ve struggled with is breaking off all communication with him. I understand there is nothing visibly wrong with a greeting or a simple check in every once in a while.You would be surprised however, by how quickly "hello" can transition to "I still love you." If you broke up with him, you're disrespecting yourself by contradicting your initial decision to break it off. He'll notice this and recognize your inability to commit to life without him. If he was the one to break up with you, speaking to him not only lengthens the time it will take you to move on, but it doesn’t give him the chance to miss you.
2. Daydreaming about a Reunion
One of the most important things about breaking up is realizing that it is, in fact, the end. Breakups are permanent, not temporary, so it's crucial that you move on with your life rather than fantasizing about your ex, sobbing on the couch watching When Harry Met Sally. Daydreaming that you will reunite doesn’t permit you to move on. By the time you comb your unwashed hair and throw the used Kleenexes away, your ex may be happily in a new relationship. You're broken up because one or both of you no longer wanted to be a part of that relationship, so condition your hair, put on some makeup, and go make something of yourself!
3. Forgetting Life Goes on
I know this is the last thing you want to hear. While I’m sure your ex was irreplaceable, your other half, and one of a kind, there are many more where that came from. If you aren’t ready to accept the "other fish in the sea" line, at least understand that there are worse things in life than losing someone who no longer wants to be with you. You'll be much happier when you realize it's not wise to dwell on those who don't care about you. You survived without him before this relationship, so thinking you cannot go on without him is a foolish, but common fear. Having faith will allow you to escape this denial and ultimately be happy without him.
4. Seeing Him
School and the workplace are unavoidable, but social events are a bad place for two exes to be in close proximity. He will either give you attention or ignore you. You may experience a magical reconciliation and phenomenal make up sex, but your problems will reappear considering the break up is recent and inescapable. If he, on the contrary, chooses to ignore you (and worse, focus his attention on other women), you'll find yourself upset. Avoid the opportunity of being hopelessly disappointed by refusing to see him until you're ready.
5. Doing It Alone
Surrounding yourself with people who dislike your ex is a quick way to get over him. Because he is your ex-boyfriend, loyal friends will hate him for what he’s put you through. It's immensely helpful to have a friend constantly reminding you that your ex was such a "loser," "waste of space," and "embarrassing phase of your life." Regardless of whether these things are true or not, it's important for now that you recall the bad in that relationship rather than the good. When you feel the need to text him, alert your friend so she can bash the awful decision and make you regret even considering it. That’s what friends are for!
6. Publishing Your Grief
Not only is this an unnecessary ego boost for your ex, it also fends off potential future suitors. A negative attitude repels others, meaning constantly "subtweeting" depressing song lyrics is not a way to attract company. Although you may be helplessly unhappy, it's best to keep those feelings between you, your family, and your friends – and no, I don’t mean the thousands on your Facebook friends list. Whether it’s online or in the general public, be a person people want to be around!
7. Doing Nothing
Sitting around and doing nothing will cause your mind, amidst its boredom, to wander toward your ex. You may even go as far as shooting him a desperate text or call. Now that he’s left your life, you need to replace his company with other activities. Exercising and meeting new people are ideal, but even working harder in school or developing an obsession for a TV series works. Popcorn and a feel good movie can be entertaining, or it couldn’t hurt to engage in a new book. Anything that will keep you occupied is helpful in distracting yourself from thoughts of your past relationship.
Sacajawea led Lewis and Clark to the Pacific Ocean, and Amelia Earhart flew alone across the Atlantic. Women have unfairly assumed the stereotype of being weak, but we are not! Overcoming a breakup is difficult but don’t you want to confront it as a woman ready to conquer the world? Do you have any breakup mistakes to share that you’re guilty of?