All Women's Talk

7 Crucial Tips for a Peaceful Divorce ...

By Lyndsie

The idea of even finding tips for a peaceful divorce might seem impossible, but you can do this. Divorce is so often acrimonious, known for tearing families apart in more ways than just the dissolution of a marriage. It's hard on the participants, their children, their family, and even their friends, especially the people they know in common. You can keep things amiable and even friendly, however. Just keep in mind that you have to really want to follow these tips for a peaceful divorce.

1 You Have to Want It

If you don't want to keep things civil, even friendly, then the rest of these tips for a peaceful divorce won't work. You have to want it and you have to be willing to work on it. If there are issues that keep things from being really peaceful, then you can either do your very best to deal with them or you can go for the cordial approach instead. You may not be able to stay friendly with your ex afterward, but you can keep the process as peaceful as possible.

2 Deal with the Emotional Baggage

Some types of emotional baggage are more easily dealt with than others, obviously. If your spouse cheated on you, you may have trouble getting over it enough for a civil divorce. Every couple is different, and every person is different as well; you'll have to decide what you can forgive. Try talking it out with your partner, if that's a possibility, or discuss things with friends, family members, or a therapist. Anything that helps you come to terms with the emotional baggage of your marriage is helpful.

3 Forgive Any Transgressions

And then it's really time to forgive. If you can't, you can't – no judgment. Again, some things are much more easily forgiven than others. Just think about how important a peaceful divorce is to you, and how much you want a cordial aftermath. This is especially important if you have children, because remember, you'll be in each other's lives for a long time.

4 Learn to Let Go

Here I'm not talking about past hurts or recriminations. I'm talking about letting go of your emotions. This might sound strange, but if you're still in love with your partner, the chances of a peaceful divorce decrease significantly. Your emotions are too high and that can lead to all sorts of things, even a desire to be spiteful because you don't know how to handle your emotions (more on that later). However, you also need to let go of anger, hurt, resentment, and similar emotions. I know, easier said than done, but it doesn't have to happen overnight. Like divorce itself, it's a process, and you simply need to work on it.

5 Be Fair about Your Assets

On a more practical front, you have to be fair about the assets you have. Although it might be tempting, avoid trying to take back gifts that you gave your spouse over the years. Don't insist on taking something just because you bought it or found it, especially if it's not something you use or need. Family heirlooms and things that are yours, that's understandable, but be fair about the things you acquired throughout the course of your marriage.

6 Stop Acting Spiteful

It's all too easy to be spiteful, after all, to say that you're going to keep the PlayStation or the TV because you paid more or because they were gifts. That's not fair. Try to compromise at the very least. You also shouldn't act spitefully toward your spouse's friends or family members, don't do negative things just to get his or her attention, and try to avoid being mean for the sake of it. The urge is understandable but acting on those urges is counterproductive.

7 Find a Way to Vent

Still, you have to vent your feelings, especially if you're going to successfully avoid saying mean or nasty things to your ex. This is, again, where you turn to your family, your friends, or a therapist. Find a safe place to vent your feelings, to cry and scream and curse, even to hurl insults for a time if you need to. You'll seriously decrease your chances of having an outburst in front of or directed toward your ex husband or wife.

Divorce is hard enough as it is; it's heartbreaking, hurtful, and harrowing. There are certain circumstances that may destroy even the attempt at a peaceful divorce, but if you want to stay on good terms with your ex, and if it's possible, you can do it. If you've been divorced, what's your relationship with your ex? Have you ever encountered a truly amicable divorce?

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