Dealing with a defensive partner is frustrating, to say the least. ๐ค Not only does it take a toll on your relationship but it leaves unsolved issues in your relationship. Theseโre some helpful hints on dealing with a defensive partner so you can move past issues with a happy, healthy relationship.
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Look for an Admission of Guilt
Many times a person is defensive because they know theyโre in the wrong. They overreact because they know that youโre right and they donโt want to admit it. This point can be difficult to move past because it shows a lack of maturity on your partnerโs part. ๐ You can point out that they need to work on this but then you have to step back and wait until theyโre ready to do so.
Decide if Itโs a Red Flag ๐ฉ
Being defensive is something all of us find ourselves doing from time to time. The trick is to evaluate if your partner is always defensive, even when thereโs really no reason for them to feel that way.
While this isnโt always the case, this can signal a bigger issue such as a personality problem or issues with anger. If you feel thatโs whatโs going on then you need to back away for your own safety. End the relationship or take a breather while your partner works through things.
Evaluate Yourself for Attack Mode ๐
Itโs also possible because theyโre defensive because of how youโre approaching them. Are you in attack mode when you confront them? Is your tone angry and accusatory? If so then you may have your own work to do. Take a deep breath and speak calmly when thereโs something you have to address.
Choose a Good Time to Talk โฐ
Thereโre good times to talk and bad times to talk. Itโs important to make sure youโre choosing a good time. While this is going to vary from couple to couple, you usually donโt want to choose a time either of you are stressed or tired. Itโs better to shelf it for a little while than to end up in a huge argument because of bad timing.
State Your End Goal
It can be helpful for both of you to state the end goal. For example, the end goal may be for you to call each other if youโre going to be late rather than offering a half-hearted apology later. Think about what you want to gain out of the discussion before you have it. Ask your partner to do the same thing. If you need to take a breather to think things over, thatโs okay.
Think about What You Want to Say before You Say It ๐ญ
One sure way to end up with a partner thatโs on the defensive is to approach an issue with no thought. Youโre more likely to speak from anger in that situation. Think about what you truly want to express. Your partner is less likely to be defensive if youโre speaking thoughtfully. Another way of thinking about this is to have a strategy before you open the conversation.
Remind Your Partner Youโre on the Same Team โฎ
Lastly, remind your partner youโre on the same team. It can be easy to forget this when you begin arguing. You feel like youโre against one another. Stating that youโre on the same team and youโre fighting for the good of your relationship helps. It gives both of you a reminder to calm down and work together.
Theseโre 7 things you can do if youโre dealing with a defensive partner. Do you feel like your partner is always defensive? Which of these strategies do you plan to try?
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