There are so many things you hear when you have a broken heart: “time heals…”; “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”; “you were too good for him anyway”; “there are plenty more fish in the sea”; and so on and on. The words might connect in your head, but the message isn’t getting through to your heart … yet. So how do you move on from a broken heart and be better for it?
1. Deal with the Issue of Your Heartbreak Head on
Does the scent of his aftershave on his old shirt still leave you in tears? Do you still have trouble looking into the future because he isn’t in it? Do you sometimes wish that he were dead so then at least you would know where he is? The fact is, you are suffering from a broken heart, and “that feeling is not going to go away…it is just going to become easier to bear.” That is a line from a young woman called Michelle Duel, who died of cancer in 2015 in her early thirties. What she meant was that you cannot hide from your heartbreak; all you can do is either live with it or bury it and numb the pain as if it were a toothache. You have to understand that in time, you will learn how to handle the pain of the loss.
2. Being Strong is Okay, but You Have to Let Yourself Cry at Some Point
You may be very good at pushing the pain to the back of your mind and forgetting about it. You may be good at avoiding the pain with the intention of dealing with it when it is not so raw. However, the more you push it back, then the more it festers and the longer you suffer. Feel free to hold it back a little as the shock takes hold, but after that point, you have to let yourself cry about the fact your relationship is over.
3. Heartbreak is the Finest Reason on Earth to Love Life
There was a wonderful line on South Park where somebody is upset because his girlfriend left him. He said that he feels sad, but that it is a beautiful sadness. He said the only reason he is so sad right now is because he was so happy when he was with her. He was glad about the fact he had the opportunity to be so happy that he thought the sadness he felt right now was worth it. It is a wonderful sequence to watch if you have a moment. I guess this sums up “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all.”
4. Dating Again Right Away is Not the Best Solution
Rebound guys may help take the pain away a little, but the comfort you feel is not genuine. All you have done is replaced the hole that person left in your life with another person. The problem is that as you get over your ex, you start to feel trapped and lost by your own emotions, and many women subsequently find themselves settling for a man that is not for them because he was their rebound guy. Do yourself a favor and spend a little time being single and without being in a relationship so you can fully recover before you start another relationship.
5. Is There an Answer to the Question “how Long Does It Take to Recover?”
It takes as long as it takes, but it will always take longer if you repress the pain or if you try to numb the pain with drink, drugs, reckless sex or other men. It may take you a month, and it may take you a year. The worst thing you can do is rush into another relationship because that relationship will turn you sour. You may end up overly suspicious, paranoid, unable to orgasm and/or unable to love. Don’t set time limits. Give yourself the time you need.
6. You Are Allowed to Hate Him, but That is Not the Point
Hating the man that broke your heart is easy, and it does help you get over him. Hating the man that you broke up with can also help you get over him and help you stop feeling guilty. However, hating him is not the point of healing or becoming stronger. You have to reach a point where you can take a look back at your life and remember the happy times without being soured by the bad. Learn from the experience, but remember that love is different every time and that not all men are the same.
7. Do Not Get Back at Him by Getting Back at Men
The saddest and most dangerous thing about rebounding with another man is that at first, you feel comforted and nice, but soon you may start treating your substitute the same way you want to treat your ex. If your ex cheated on you, then you may cheat on your current man because “Oh, he will do it anyway, so I will do it first.” You may pay your new man no respect because at the back of your mind he represents your ex because he is his replacement. Use what you learned about the failure of your relationship to be better, both as a partner and a person. The lessons are more valuable than you imagine.
When your heart is shattered into a trillion pieces, it does seem that all advice is useless, that it comes from people who simply can’t understand what you’re going through and that they’re only saying things to make you feel better. Hear through the pain. Allow yourself time to grieve but learn, move on and grow stronger for it.
Have you ever suffered a truly broken heart? A real heart-shattering loss, not just a painful breakup. What did you learn about yourself?