When you've just been through a breakup, it can leave your self-esteem in tatters. You feel that there must be something wrong with you; why did your partner not want to be with you any more? Are you unlovable, unattractive, or undeserving? The truth is that you're nothing of the sort; your self-worth has taken a knock and you need to rebuild it. Here's how to go about it …
Suddenly being confronted with your new single status may come as a shock. It's scary to lose the support and reassurance that having a partner gives you. But being single isn't all bad; once you get used to it, you'll realise that you're coping just fine. And there are some pretty good points to it; you can do what you like with your time, and don't have to deal with the problems that your relationship brought.
Women are particularly prone to blaming themselves for the breakup. They reason that it must have been their fault somehow. Perhaps they weren't good enough for their partner. But breaking up doesn't mean that you're unlovable, or that there's something wrong with you, it just means that things didn't work out between you. Nor does it mean you'll never find love again - or that you don't deserve it.
Your confidence can really take a knock after a split, especially if your ex swiftly moves on to another girl. So you may try to give yourself a sense of validation by rushing into a new relationship, or by having one-night stands. This won't actually help your self-esteem, and could even be harmful. Don't try to prove you're desirable by having rebound relationships.
One thing that will really help rebuild your self-esteem is to spend time with people who love you. Being around family and friends will give you an emotional boost and make you realise that there's more to life than a relationship. You'll realise that there are people who think you are amazing and love you unconditionally.
Although you might not feel like it, being single has a huge advantage; you can do exactly what you want with your time. You can be as self-indulgent as you like, and do all those things that your partner disliked or discouraged you from doing. Start that hobby you've been meaning to try out, resurrect an old interest, or take that vacation to a place your partner didn't want to visit.
Too many people think that having a relationship proves they are a worthwhile person. They feel that without one, they are incomplete. But a partner should complement you, not complete you. You don't need someone else to make you whole; you're a complete individual already.
Your sense of self-worth may be low because your ex ground you down and told you that you were worthless. Everyone will believe that message if they hear it often enough. Remember that angry people say mean things; it's a problem within them, and not caused by you.
So work on yourself and your self-worth. Give yourself one compliment every day!
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