Believe it or not there are many hurtful things we do to guys that we don’t realize we’re doing. You may think you’re the sensitive one, but deep down inside he is just as sensitive as you are. The thing is, most guys won’t tell us about the hurtful things we do. So pay attention to my list and stop yourself from doing these hurtful things before it’s too late.
1. Leaving Him out
Whether it’s watching a show or movie without him, going to lunch with a group of friends, or spending money on a big purchase, leaving him out of decisions is one of the top hurtful things we do to guys without realizing it. Yes, we all have our own shows we like that they don’t, we go out for ladies’ night, and go shopping all the time. However, if you have a favorite show you watch together, don’t watch it without him because you can’t wait, and if it’s more than a ladies’ day out and husbands/boyfriends are coming too, pass on the date until the next one when he can join you. Be respectful of keeping him in the loop and making him feel like he is your partner and confidant.
2. Jokes That Are Insulting
When we joke about his beer gut, job, or fashion sense, we may think we’re just having a little fun, but deep down inside we’re being hurtful. On an episode of “The King of Queens,” Carrie (the wife) says to Doug (her husband) “Did you have to say you’re a truck driver?” because the new neighbors are a stockbroker and a former lawyer. She’s embarrassed that her husband’s job doesn’t sound as fancy as theirs. Ladies, instead of making hurtful comments and making it sound like you’re embarrassed of him, encourage him to lose weight, to wear clothes that don’t have holes in them, and to go back to school to further his education. A little side note for you, if you loved him this way when you married him, don’t try to change him.
3. Someone He Doesn’t Get along with
We all have that one person we just can’t stand and don’t get along with. So the worst thing you could do as a spouse or girlfriend is to talk to that person, compliment them, or stand up for them. If your guy doesn’t get along with a certain person and tries to avoid them at all costs, don’t go behind his back and talk to them, don’t pay this person a compliment, and don’t ever stand up for them. No matter how silly you think their reason is for being mad at each other, just don’t ever put yourself in the middle.
4. How to Care for the Kids
Your guy may not be the stay at home parent, but don’t treat him as if he doesn’t know how to care for his own children. OK, so he isn’t the best at cooking, picking out their clothes, and knowing what TV shows and movies they shouldn’t watch, but don’t try to teach him or make a list of dos and don’ts. If he is a caring and loving parent then he has been paying attention to the little things that matter.
5. Good Cop Vs. Bad Cop
Speaking of kids, one thing I know I can’t stand is being the so called “mean” parent because he let them do something I said no to. Ladies, as much as you don’t like being the bad cop, neither does your husband. If you both agreed that your son or daughter’s curfew was 9 pm, but s/he continues to come home later, don’t give him/her a new curfew of 10 or 11 pm if your child was told there would be a punishment for one more late night. Making your guy look like the mean parent will only hurt his feelings when your child says things like, “Mom is the best, she lets me do anything."
6. Sharing Too Much
There are just some personal things in your relationship that should not be shared. Sure, sometimes we need to vent and have girl talk, but some secrets are just that. Don’t discuss your guy’s past, demons, or funny habits with your friends, because you never know if said friend is going to bring this up as a joke to your guy. When they bring it up to your guy, he might think you are teasing him and joking about him behind his back. He told you these things because you’re his partner, and they weren’t to be brought up during ladies’ night.
7. Compare Him
Just don’t do it, ladies! No matter whom you compare him to, whether it’s his father, a friend, or Channing Tatum, it’s just never a good outcome for him or you! Also, saying things like, “I bet you can’t sing like Adam Levine,” or “You don’t throw the ball as good as your brother” are just as bad as comparing him. He will never feel like he can live up to these people, and if you compare a bad trait, he will feel even worse. A man’s ego can be crushed in seconds with hurtful comments that compare him to another guy, so don’t make him feel like he isn’t amazing just being who he is.
We aren’t the only ones with feelings, so think twice before you do something that is going to be hurtful. What are some things you have done or said in the past that really affected your guy?