There are so many lessons you learn from failed relationships! We’ve been through bad breakups at different times in our lives and they are the price that we have to pay for having to grow and figure ourselves out while at the same time coming of age in a romantic and emotional sense! There are those lucky few who get it completely right the first time round and never have to return to the dating pool, but for the rest of us, it can be hard to get back on the wagon and open ourselves up to doing it all over again. However, breakups don’t always have to count for nothing, here are some important lessons you learn from failed relationships.
One of the biggest lessons you learn from failed relationships is more about who you are. Don’t just come out the relationship remembering all of the things that your ex did wrong. Try to own up to all of the things that you also did to contribute to the end of the relationship, and when you have pinpointed them, you can work to make sure that you don’t repeat those behaviours in your next relationship. Consider your failed relationships as lessons for how to succeed in your next one.
When you start a new relationship, you should always be looking to make it stronger and more worthwhile than the ones before, so it’s a good idea to use previous relationships as a comparison for which areas you need to personally grow in. For example, perhaps be less insecure about your partner spending time with friends of the opposite sex, because that became a breaking point in your old relationship. Build trust where it wasn’t before.
Use your part experiences to realise that it is okay to be vulnerable sometimes in a relationship. It is much better than the alternative of shutting yourself off and becoming a hard brick wall because all your new partner will be able to do is bounce off it rather than become part of it. Don’t become hostile and defensive because of the trauma of an old relationship. Give your new love the chance to see your vulnerability and embrace and protect it.
Don’t try to see your past relationships as years of completely wasted time. Just because you were with him for a period, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you would have been with ‘the one’ otherwise. Try to think of it this way: your current view of love and dating is the sum of all of those past relationships put together, both the good and the bad. They have helped you to learn and to love in various different ways, and have equipped you to go forward with both strengths and weaknesses.
You should never shut off a period of romance in your memory because that would mean also shutting off a piece of yourself. Always be open to accessing the past, because it will help to shape you and encourage you to make better, more fulfilling decisions in the future.
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