To hide the fact that you know he’s a bad boy, you might just find yourself executing one of the many lies women tell their mothers when they are dating an unsuitable man. You know the scenario. You think he’s the bee’s knees. Sure he has his faults but he treats you right, right? You know he’s probably not the greatest guy in the world but he’s trying to change, right? And he’s promised that he’ll quit with the badass stuff, right? And in the meantime, while you’re giving him all the time he needs to become a decent person worthy of your love, the lies women tell their mothers when they are dating an unsuitable man are tripping off your tongue.
1. He Treats Me Very Well
This is one of the main lies women tell their mothers when they are dating an unsuitable man. What this really means is that he doesn’t beat on me, he lets me spend time in the kitchen, he lets me cook for him and he lets me go out to work to support us. And, he’s also very sweet to me right before bedtime.
2. He Works in a Prison
He works sowing mailbags, making license plates and doing as they tell him till it's lights out.
3. He's Achieved Great Heights
Many of my friends say they have seen him getting high.
4. He's an Animal Lover
The rats in his apartment are all well fed and I have never seen him pass a hot woman without admiring her dog.
5. He’s Very Chaste and Inexperienced
Nobody else will have him and I got stuck with him at a party when my friends got better guys and now I can’t get rid of him.
6. He Works All Hours God Sends
He has business meetings that last all night, and sometimes they are so vigorous that he comes home with torn clothes and red blood stains on his collar.
7. He Has Lots of Money
Selling drugs is big business. Apparently heroin is very moreish and people simply cannot get enough.
8. He is Very Creative
He is unemployed but he will sign a record contract/book deal/get a gallery show (delete as applicable).
9. He is Very Outspoken
He always comments on how the news is full of lies and how the IIluminati are all in music videos and stuff. His diary reads like a conspiracy theory (well it would if he could write!)
10. He Treats Me with Respect
He opens the doors to the bank when I go there to lend him money, and he always buys me dinner afterwards.
11. He Pushes Himself Very Hard
He is no fun on a seesaw
12. He Know That Helping Others is the Right Thing
This is one of those covert lies women tell their mothers when they are dating an unsuitable man. For example, he often helps streetwalking ladies by giving them a lift in his car and a hotel room for the night.
13. He is a Leader
He is leading his dad’s cracker factory to wrack and ruin, and on our first date he led me to a field and then we ran out of petrol.
14. He Can Handle Himself
His hands are never out of his underwear when we are watching TV together.
15. You Can Depend on Him
You can depend on the fact that he never goes out and just sits watching TV. I know he doesn’t cheat because I always know where he is and what he’s doing.
16. He is a Very Proud Man
He is proud of his gun collection and trophy case full of hockey stars’ teeth. He must also be proud of his phone because he never lets me read the messages on it.
17. He Has Accomplished a Great Deal
His character is level 177 on World Of Warcraft. He once spent sixteen hours working straight in order to level up by killing boars in the forest.
18. He Can Laugh at Himself
But he hits me if I laugh along with him. I can often hear him laughing at himself when he thinks I am out, and I sometimes hear him crying in the bathroom. He is such a sweet and sensitive guy.
19. He is Not Afraid of Expressing His Feelings
He has had over 30 bar fights because people say the New York Giants are crap. He was also arrested for being drunk and expressing his feelings.
I know I have made light of the lies women tell their mothers when they are dating an unsuitable man, but if you recognize these lines and that you are in fact using them, time to wake up and smell the coffee lady!
Would love you to share any more lies you might use to justify your wholly unwholesome guy.