All Women's Talk

7 Mindful Steps to Handle BIG LOVE ...

By Victoria

We’ve dreamed about it, we’ve pursued it relentlessly, we’ve cried over it on our bestie’s shoulder and we’ve also seen it happen... to others. Like, not just on big screen or alternatively on Pinterest, but that guy, Jake, who swept our bestie off her feet with one single written note on the bus — he really does exist... and similar to him, there’s a whole bunch of other good guys out there. Girls, brace yourselves, the good man is neither extinguished nor an endangered species, regardless of how many frogs you have kissed that did not turn out to be a prince — sorry to hear that...

Finally, after the drought, just as you were ready to throw the towel, Mr Perfect showed up heroically and literally out of nowhere, as if the whole thing was merely a conspiracy to prove that mom is always right : « sometimes, when you least expect it, good things happen » ...So, now what? Before you throw caution to the wind and go all gaga over your new beau, which is understandable, because he’s all cute and stuff, let’s agree on the obvious — this one is for the long run. How ? Here’s 7 steps that might help...

1 Understand Who You Are Dealing with

That’s right. Sometimes we are so focused on fantasizing over bae, that we forget that bae is human and has shortcomings. Nobody’s perfect and it helps to see bae for who he really is, this includes taking into account all these quirky little things that bae does, which we may not want to notice at first, like his peculiar habit when it comes to hoarding... issues will inevitably arise, the point is to be prepared, so as to avoid the usual fall from grace.

2 Learn from Your past Mistakes

Similarly, whether you want to hear it or not, you are still the same person, even though this is a new relationship. It means that unless you’ve done some serious work in yourself, you may still be prone to the same tantrums, which may cause the same reactions. If you have been single for a while and are looking to settle, falling in love with someone who wants the same is not something you take for granted. It’s a second chance not to mess things up, hence, as the saying goes : « know thyself » and treat this new relationship as the opportunity to do the right thing, because in the end, a relationship is only as good as how you make it to be.

3 Delay the Part Where You Get All Touchy

Nope, this is not to imply that sex is bad or dirty BUT, bear in mind that men fall in love differently, which means that, that which we interpret as attachment doesn’t necessarily come from an emotional need, when it comes to guys. In the beginning, you might find it difficult as well to differentiate between fiery hormones and real intimacy. Sex too soon can blur the lines. That’s when all of the sudden, things get confusing and you won’t walk away that easily, if you happen to notice something you don’t want in a partner. Really intimacy — into me see — is born in trust. That’s how you go from being a mere pretty face to his big love.

4 You Are Still Very Much in Charge of Your Happiness

Bae doesn’t come to rescue you, I hope you know. If anything, bae will push you to get your act together, learn about efficient time management and bae is certainly not there to make up for your ex’s mistakes. What does it mean ? It means that you will still have to explore your personal interests, take time off to pamper yourself and sort your life out. Of course, having someone who has your back and someone you can talk to, helps a great deal, but it would not be fair to become emotionally dependent on bae, because bae has his own life to run. Keep your friends, keep your improv classes, keep your weekend plans with your family, and go to that cooking class, even if it means not checking your phone for the next 2 hours. Your relationship will blossom.

5 Keep a Cool Head

That’s right. Bae may be the cutest man to ever walk the face of the earth, but don’t let what he feels for you get you so addicted that you live to impress him. Listen, the man fell in love with you AS YOU ARE for a reason. I’m all for growth and improvement and by all means, if you really want to get those extensions, please do, but don’t let it become something you do out of fear to lose his interest. Here’s a tip : if you do something that makes you happy, you instantly become more attractive, so do whatever makes you happy and don’t be overly focused on how he perceives you.

6 Don’t Rush to Make It Public

I get it, every girl wants to be a Pinterest model but I’d advise caution before your relationship becomes a public affair. When you go public, your attention automatically goes on how the world, or your entourage, perceives your relationship. I think, especially in the early stages, the honeymoon months should be kept private, because the focus should be on building intimacy. Going public too soon is a risk to fall into denial, if things don’t work out. Besides, you’ve been single so you know how it feels to see another happy couple shove their sugar coated posts in your face. Keep it for your diary.

7 Let This Love Bring the Best in You

Sometimes we lack the courage to tackle certain things on our own, for example we do not see the point of moving out our parents’ nest, where everything falls so easily in our lap. We procrastinate and do the absolute minimum that’s expected of us — get a job. When you fall in love, you get an extra boost of energy and if you are serious about bae, you now have the motivation to go out there and accomplish great things. Let love bring the best in you, think of all the songs, all the movies, all the plays that have been written in the name of love. Think of the Taj Mahal and let this love bring out the best in you,... after all, that is indeed the power of love.

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