The wedding season is here in full force – and so, it seems, are a whole bunch of myths about marriage. It’s a topic that everyone seems to have an opinion on, and there’s a lot of conflicting advice – so we went straight to the people who’ve made it work for over 30 years, and found out what they think the biggest myths about marriage are. Ready? You’ll be surprised!
1. No Arguing
This is one of the most common myths about marriage – it’s written in at least half a dozen marriage handbooks! While the idea that arguing signifies a bad marriage isn’t new, that doesn’t mean you should pay attention to it. We all have disagreements sometimes – even the bestest of friends get a little fed up of each other. If you need to argue, do it. A bad marriage is one with no communication and plenty of simmering resentment, not one where there is a little arguing every now and again.
2. You Need to Find Your Double
Okay, so marrying someone that you have nothing in common with is probably asking for trouble. Let’s face it, it’s a wonder you’d even be able to agree on enough to arrange the wedding in the first place! If your basic morals match, though, that’s all that is necessary. You don’t need the same religious views, hobbies or friends, as long as you can compromise, and you know any significant beliefs before you tie the knot. If you go in with your eyes open, you are likely to be just fine.
3. Marriage Comes Last
Another of the big marriage myths – it doesn’t need to come last. Early weddings were always seen as a sign that the bride was pregnant, but that’s not the case anymore. If you want to get married straight out of college, or before you own your home, go for it. It’s not a good idea to get into debt for a wedding, but as long as you can afford to tie the knot and you both want to, that’s all that matters.
4. Your Soul Mate is out There
Looking for your soul mate can feel like a thankless task – there are millions of people, and there is almost nothing to narrow it down. Planning to find “the one” and settle down into a perfect marriage with them puts a lot of pressure on yourself and on any future or current partners. You could let a lot of relationships go because they just need a little work, and never find that effortless relationship that you’re searching for. All marriages require work. This whole soul mate = perfect, easy and effortless marriage thing? Wishful thinking.
5. Sleeping Angry Breeds Resentment
Okay, I’ll be honest – I live by this one. I just can’t sleep if I know someone is angry or unhappy with me. Sometimes, though, it’s necessary. It’s a break from the fighting, and time to calm down and process your thoughts. Time apart can do you both some good, and sleeping provides that. If you really aren’t getting anywhere, don’t stay up fighting just to avoid sleeping angry. Chewing over the same fat won’t get you anywhere, so try sleeping on it, and trying again with fresh eyes and new optimism.
6. Your Life Plans Must Match
It’s very rare to find someone with exactly the same life plan as you. Marriages, like relationships, take commitment and compromise. While it’s a good idea to settle down with someone with a similar idea of the future – getting married, for example, or both wanting kids, sometimes you just need to take it as it comes. Talk about the things that you won’t compromise on. If you are desperate to live near your sister or be a stay at home mum to your children, it’s worth talking about that now. Anything else can wait, and you can work it out together.
7. It’s Happy
This was one of the oddest myths about marriage – and the saddest, too. Not all marriages are happy. Sometimes, the people in the marriage are terribly unhappy, but are staying together for other reasons. Sometimes, you just have to accept what you’ve got, or be bold enough to look for more.
8. Sex Becomes Boring
Single people love to say that they don't want to get married because the sex becomes less frequent and/or boring. This isn't true for all married couples. If you get married and you don't choose to have boring sex, then you won't. You've been in a relationship with your partner for a while so if it was going to get stale it would have already.
9. You Lose Your Freedom
This isn't true either! While it may be slightly true in the sense that you're not going to have all of the freedom of a completely single person, you don't lose it all either. You and your spouse are more than allowed to have your own lives separate from each other! Just like in any long term relationship there has to be some sort of divide, don't let that change just because there's a ring on your finger.
10. Marriage Will Change Behavior
If you've been with someone for a while and they have annoying habits or things they do that get under your skin, they are not going to change just because you marry them. Unfortunately a lot of people believe that if they marry someone that all of the bad stuff will go away, it's not true sadly.
11. Children Make a Marriage Happier
This is a common misconception about marriage. Sadly statistics show that this is the complete opposite of the truth. Children can actually decrease the happiness of the people in a marriage. This seems like a sad fact, but I think that it's only true for when you have a child to try to fix a marriage. Don't try to use children as a band-aid!
Myths about marriage is a topic that gets everyone talking – and I heard some amazing stories from couples who are celebrating big anniversaries! Have you heard any bizarre myths about marriage? I’d love to hear them!