When it comes to relationship role models, you'd think that the girls who are best at scoring happily ever afters would have all the answers. However, if you tried to find love the same way as some Disney princesses, you'd most definitely fail. So unless you have a fairy godmother or a fish tail in place of legs, it's really not a good idea to look at Disney princesses as relationship role models. Here's a look at why you shouldn't use fairytales as dating guides (I'm looking at you, Taylor Swift):
Table of contents:
- who wants to be in a coma during her first kiss?
- lying around all day is no way to meet mr. right
- you shouldn't drastically change your body to impress a guy
- you shouldn't sacrifice your fab shoes to find mr. right
- kissing a talking frog is just plain cray
- a relationship shouldn't start with stockholm syndrome
- you probably won't be able to tame a bad boy
1 Who Wants to Be in a Coma during Her First Kiss?
Snow White is one of the worst relationship role models because she falls for a creep. Snow White isn't very smart—she shacks up with seven strange men and accepts an apple from a really scary-looking stranger. The poisoned snack ends up putting her in a coma, and a guy that she's only seen once in her life kisses her while she has no clue what he's doing. She then decides to spend the rest of her life with the guy even though the only thing she knows about him is that he can sing. IRL, you definitely shouldn't want anything to do with a strange dude who has a fetish for kissing girls in coffins, and you wouldn't be riding off into the sunset with the pervy prince who looks like he's wearing way too much makeup—you'd still be in a coma.
2 Lying around All Day is No Way to Meet Mr. Right
That Sleeping Beauty sure spends a lot of time on her back! That was wrong, sorry. However, no girl is going to meet the man of her dreams by snoozing her life away in a tower. If you want Ryan Gosling, you've got to get out there and stalk him so that you can "accidentally" bump into him and make him fall in love at first sight. This scenario might seem far-fetched, but there's a higher likelihood of Ryan Gosling proposing to you than there is of a prince fighting an evil fairy-dragon to save you from a sleeping curse. Doesn't that make you feel just a little hopeful?
3 You Shouldn't Drastically Change Your Body to Impress a Guy
If you think that you have to completely change half of your body to impress a guy, is he really worth it? If you think about it, Ursula uses magic to perform extreme plastic surgery on 16-year-old Ariel in "The Little Mermaid." Ariel's obsession with the human world gives her major body issues by making her want to have her tail split in two, and she also becomes a hoarder of human artifacts. So does she really fall in love with Prince Eric because he's her one true love, or does she just fall for him because he's the first human that she ever gets to see up close? Ariel seems to have quite a few issues, and she's way too young to settle down. Luckily, she has a whole new world full of hot guys to explore, so there are plenty of fish in the sea if things didn't work out with Eric.
4 You Shouldn't Sacrifice Your Fab Shoes to Find Mr. Right
Cinderella gave playing hard to get a fun twist by adding a shoe to the mix. However, leaving an amazing shoe behind at a party probably won't result in you getting married to a filthy rich guy, even if said guy is kind of an idiot. What if another fair maiden had shared Cinderella's shoe size? Would the prince have settled for her? Maybe he just had a foot fetish and was looking for a girl with tiny feet. Instead of doing the shoe thing, the lovesick prince could have gone house to house and glanced at all the girls' faces, but perhaps this wouldn't have worked because his eyes were on Cinderella's feet all night (this is the kind of guy that you get when you use a cute shoe to score dates).
5 Kissing a Talking Frog is Just Plain Cray
Kissing a talking frog is not going to help you find love. However, it might be a sign that you're tripping on something (toad licking isn't cool, kids). Things did work out for Tiana in "The Princess and the Frog," but it took a lot of voodoo and Disney magic. And even if you do kiss a frog prince who is under a magic spell, you have to already be a princess to break it. What kind of sorry deal is that, Disney?
6 A Relationship Shouldn't Start with Stockholm Syndrome
It's weird enough that Belle falls for a furry monster in "Beauty and the Beast." However, have you ever realized that the poor girl might be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome? It's that strange phenomenon where hostages start to feel sympathy for their captors. Belle gets held in the Beast's castle against her will, which is an action that would result in kidnapping charges in the real world. A guy willing to do such a thing also wouldn't turn out to be so warm and fuzzy.
7 You Probably Won't Be Able to Tame a Bad Boy
In "Tangled," Flynn is a cocky thief who just cares about himself and obtaining wealth. But of course sweet Rapunzel sets him straight by making him fall in love with her. However, bad boys usually don't give up their bad boy ways so easily. And you really shouldn't date a guy responsible for stealing a crown from the king and queen—that's a pretty big time crime. So instead of getting to chill in a castle with your Prince Charming every day, you'd only get to see him occasionally on the other side of a big glass window.
Sometimes it might suck that real life isn't a fairytale, but not being a princess does have its benefits—you don't have to worry about angry evil queens trying to steal your voice or your heart, and your only friends aren't animals. Maybe it's time for a slightly more realistic fairytale set in the real world. So would you watch a fairytale movie about a girl who meets a prince online on a dating site, or are you a fan of Disney's loopy love stories?
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