All Women's Talk

8 Reasons Not to Stay Friends with an Ex ...

By Alison

There are many excellent reasons not to stay friends with an ex. Sometimes it's great if you can remain on good terms with your ex, but there are many more situations when it's far from a good idea. Violence is the obvious one, although there are many reasons why keeping in touch with your former love may not be wise . Here are some sound reasons not to stay friends with an ex …

1 Abusive

Of all the reasons not to stay friends with an ex, any kind of abuse has to be top of the list. If your ex was physically or emotionally abusive to you, cut off all contact. Don't hope that they will change; even if they do, would you really want to take the risk?

2 Moving on

If the decision to split was more due to one partner than the other, then staying in touch is not a good idea. Whether you chose to end the relationship or they did is immaterial. The partner who was dumped may well cling to the other in the hope that they can win them back. Severing contact truly is the kindest thing to do here.

3 Respect for New Partner

Nobody should dictate who you are friends with. If you're genuinely friends with your ex then it's fair enough to stay in contact, even if you have a new partner. But their feelings should always be respected. If a new partner is uncomfortable with you maintaining contact, it may be the best thing to stop.

4 Addiction

Have you broken up and got back with your ex countless times? If so, it may be time to put an end to this. Being hooked on a person isn't healthy, and how many times can you try again? However much it hurts, end contact once and for all. It isn't a friendship, and it's not doing you any good.

5 Hoping for Reconciliation

Don't hang onto a "friendship" with your ex in the hope that you will get back together. You are, without a doubt, kidding yourself. Likewise, if you know that your ex harbors hope of reconciliation, cut off all contact with them. Staying friends out of pity will just encourage them to carry on hoping.

6 Friends with Benefits

If two adults want this kind of arrangement, then that's up to them. However, it can be problematical with ex-partners. One may well agree to this situation in the hope that the other will realise they should be together, when the chances are that they're just looking for easy sex.

7 Your New Partner is Uncomfortable

Expanding on point three, consider the feelings of your new partner. What matters more to you - maintaining a friendship with your ex, or building a new relationship? Ask yourself how you would feel if your partner was still friends with their ex. You may find that suddenly being pals with yours doesn't look so reasonable after all.

8 Clingy

Even if they don't think that you might get back together, exes may become too clingy if you stay friends. I know, I've done it, and kept turning to the one person I should have let go of. It isn't healthy. If your ex is constantly in touch, encourage them to move on and find new friends.

It's wonderful if you do manage to salvage a friendship from a broken relationship, but probably not that common. In most cases, emotions are too much of a factor, and it can be deeply problematical. Have you managed to stay friends with your ex, and how do your current partners feel about it?

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