All Women's Talk

7 Reasons Why First Love Rarely Works ...

By Alison

First Love is an experience that everyone goes through, and at the time the feelings are so intense that you truly believe that it will last forever. The fact is that in the vast majority of cases, first love is not going to work. There are a number of reasons why, and here are seven of them …

1 Youth

For most people, our experience of first love occurs when we are very young. At that stage in life, you lack the knowledge and maturity to make a relationship work. How many people do you know who are still with their first love? Those who meet when young and stay together are in the minority.

2 In-Experience

The first time that you fall in love is an amazing experience, but it generally happens when you are very young. At that age you don´t have much knowledge of relationships and love – this naturally grows as you get older and date more people. When you´re inexperienced, it´s hard to get things right first time.

3 Rose-Tinted Glasses

Over time, the memory of our first love can become more and more unrealistic. Just look at the number of people who reconnect with their first love on social networking sites, and break up their current relationship because they want to recapture that feeling of intensity. Thus they turn down a more mature and realistic relationship for something that didn´t work first time and chances are won´t work second time round.

4 Moving on

A lot of early relationships start in the teens, and break up when one or both parties leave for college. When we start a new stage in life, it is natural to move on from some aspects of our previous life. We become a different person, and the other person no longer fits into our life.

5 Intensity

When the early heady stage of infatuation dies down, some people can be disappointed and lose interest. This is because the chemicals produced in the brain when we fall in love are pretty exciting! However, this stage can´t really last, because it would just be exhausting. First love tends to be particularly intense, so it´s no surprise that it tends to have a limited shelf-life.

6 Development

Throughout our lives we continue to develop; our interests change, we mature as people, and we want different things from relationships. I am not the same person that I was a few years ago, for example. So the person that we were in love with many years ago may not be the right person for us now.

7 Learning Process

Through every relationship, with its highs, lows and disappointments, we learn more about ourselves, what we want and what we don´t want. First love serves a useful purpose in that it gives us an introduction to the world of romance, but it´s generally part of a learning process rather than the end of the story.

The inherent danger in thinking of our first love many years later is that we remember only how wonderful it was to feel like that for the first time, and judge our current, more adult relationships unfavourably in comparison. First love can be a great memory, but is generally not meant to last; it´s the start of our romantic journey rather than the end. What memories do you have of your first love, and have you ever met them again and been disappointed?

Top Photo Credit:

Please rate this article





Readers questions answered