Growing up, I had trouble trying to figure out why it’s okay to start dating later. It seemed as if everyone who reached 13 or 14 was in a relationship, and I felt like I was the only one left out. And I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. But the older I got, the less I blamed myself. I realized that it wasn’t me, but perhaps I just wasn’t ready yet. It’s so different for everyone, and here's why it’s okay to start dating later.
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1. The Older, the Wiser
I sometimes wonder how it would be if I had entered a relationship at a younger age, instead of at 19. What would I have done differently? To be honest, I knew nothing about relationships, so I’m guessing it probably would not have been satisfying – probably even traumatizing. The older people get, the more serious they are about relationships. In second grade, a Valentine’s candy gram equals a proposal. People learn to communicate as they get older, and that’s the key to maintaining a strong relationship. We learn so much as we grow, which is why it’s okay to start dating later.
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Entering the dating world with some life experience under your belt can be advantageous. With age, we accumulate wisdom, better understand ourselves, and recognize what we truly seek in a partner. This maturity helps in distinguishing between infatuation and real connection. When we are young, we may mistake jealousy for passion or codependency for closeness. Time teaches us to value trust over drama, and stability over fleeting excitement. Thus, while starting to date later might mean fewer stories of youthful romance, it often leads to more meaningful relationships, grounded in a clearer sense of self and mutual respect.
2. Love Takes Time
Do you believe that love will come around? Because I do. But it took a good 19 years! I thought it would never come around. It’s hard to hold yourself back from diving into relationships that seem appealing, but don’t. You’ll only end up wasting time and maybe even getting hurt. Instead, wait. Trust me, it’ll be worth the wait.
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Finding true love is like nurturing a delicate flower; you can't rush its bloom. Love flourished for me after patiently waiting, and when it did, it was authentically beautiful. Remember, love isn't something to settle for. Those almost-right relationships are tempting, sure, but they're mere shadows of what's meant for you. So go ahead, focus on yourself—grow, explore, become the person you're meant to be. That way, when love walks into your life, it finds a partner who's ready, waiting, but not incomplete. A soul fulfilled on its own, yet open to the promise of us.
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3. Young Love Might Not Last
Now, I’m not saying that middle school or high school love isn’t long lasting, but for the most part, it really isn’t. Every once in a while, a lucky couple does end up making it work, and that’s great! But from what I’ve seen, those just tend to be flings or last a few years, tops. However, I’m sure these young loves carry sweet and innocent memories.
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Often, relationships at this age are a platform for discovery, a way to understand what one wants and needs from a partner. As life brings new experiences and challenges, priorities and interests can shift dramatically during teen years and early adulthood. It's perfectly normal for those early romances to drift apart as both people grow and evolve. Embrace these changes, because they contribute to who you become. And remember, the lessons learned from these early relationships are priceless, paving the way for healthier, more mature connections in the future.
4. You Find and Love Yourself
Growing up, I struggled with my identity. But as I’ve grown older, my purposes and goals in life have become clearer. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and most importantly, I’ve learned to love myself and others. And if my partner can’t do the same, then that’s too bad.
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Finding your inner voice is a journey that unfolds over time. As the years have passed, my reflections in the mirror have shifted from being critical to being filled with self-acceptance. This self-love isn't just about embracing my strengths, it's also about acknowledging my flaws and understanding they do not define me. It's about building an unwavering foundation of self-respect that informs my choices, including who I choose to share my life with. Loving oneself sets a standard for how others should love us, and it's a standard I won't compromise on.
5. You Know What You Want
If you had asked me at 12 what I looked for in a boyfriend, I would’ve blushed and said "a cute guy." Now, I can provide a solid answer: a fun, smart, kind, and thoughtful gentleman who loves his family (and me). I’ve learned to narrow down what I want, and I’ve learned not to settle. Upon entering college, there were so many (tempting) instances when I just immediately fell for a guy, but there were so many qualities that they were lacking. I would have to constantly remind myself of what I wanted in a guy and in a relationship, and that steered me away from those guys. Just remember, ladies: you are beautiful and special, and you should never settle for any guy who can’t appreciate and love you for that.
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Over time, I've scrapped the superficial checklist and tuned into what truly matters—compatibility and shared values. Emotional intelligence and ambition are non-negotiables; they're the strong, silent pillars that a fulfilling relationship stands on. Let's not forget humor—a guy who can make you laugh can brighten even the dreariest days. With growing wisdom, I've come to recognize the importance of having someone who encourages personal growth and celebrates your successes as if they were his own. It's about finding that person who consciously chooses you every single day. So, hold out for the connection that's not just good, but great.
6. You’re More Stable
Have you noticed that time seems to slow down the older you get? With time, people get more serious about things, especially relationships. I can almost guarantee you that a 30 year-old man will approach a relationship differently than a college freshman. And that can be a good thing for some people. I would much rather enter a relationship later in life, knowing that it’ll be meaningful, rather than just a college hookup.
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Beyond the whimsical allure of youthful romances, maturity brings a deeper level of understanding and appreciation for companionship. This isn’t about age, but rather the wisdom that comes with life experiences. As we mature, our priorities shift, our tolerance for games recedes, and what we seek in a partner evolves. We look for emotional security, shared values, and mutual respect. This doesn’t negate the thrill of romance; instead, it enhances it, grounding it in reality rather than fleeting passion. Being stable in who you are allows for a more authentic connection—one less likely swayed by superficial desires.
7. You’ll Respect and Appreciate
Relationships are two-sided, and it’s really important to respect and appreciate your partner. This is a skill that we learn as we get older. Our partners are special, and they should be loved and respected for that. And I’ve realized that day-by-day, I appreciate my partner’s presence in my life more and more. That’s something that I think kids understand, but won’t be able to grasp until later in life.
Just remember, that getting into a relationship isn’t a race. You should do it when you’re ready and when you find a good guy! When did you have your first relationship? What are some reasons why it’s okay to start dating later?
Comments
Nandini: Ur case is sooooo similar to mine... I got into a relationship n seriously... I believe i made a wise decision by waiting for 19 years.... ☺️
Katie: Thank, thank you so much for publishing this. Rig now, today, I'm struggling with not have had a " real relationship yet. I'm going to be 25 in June. Many nights I beat myself up emotionally with " what the hell is wrong with yous." Always afraid of having to explain to the the next guy why I hadn't had a relationship last long. ( I've been rather unlucky in love and I had a rotten first relationship when I was 21) Now, it bothers me a little but I keep telling myself at least I know I'm comfortable bring on my own. Too many girls cannot function without a relationship, and although valentines and Christmases can be lonely, I'm glad I can be ok with myself.
Katie: Sorry for the bad grammar/ spelling lol
Stacy: I thought I was the only one, I'm 25 and only now do I feel like I am ready for a relationship and the best part is I have absolutely no regrets
Cassieculbreth: I'm only 16 but everyone I know is like in "love." In middle school I decided that young love USUALLY doesn't last so it wasn't worth it to start a relationship. Last year I wanted to know what the big deal was about having a boyfriend and ended up hating it; I wanted him to not text me, to go away, to stop doing so much PDA. I regret it and I thought something was wrong with me for pushing away a boy once he started likening me back. I think I have trust issues but I still don't really mind being single :)
Isabella: I'm one of these girls too! Always wondered if I'd ever have a boyfriend, and i waited til I was 20 until i asked someone out, myself! Best decision ever, i don't think i could have done relationships before then.. So girls, be patient and it'll be worth the wait
Hannah: I'm 24 and have only been on 1 first date. And that was last year. I find that as I get older I like who I am and an able to do the stuff I want to do. I also know what I want in a man and I am far from settling with any guy. I think it's better to be on your own for a while, than to date early. There's no rush! :)
Anaya: The first time I had my relationship was in middle school. This boy I had just met asked me for my number so I gave it to him. He texted me one day and was like I like you. And I asked him as a friend or more than a friend. And he replied more than a friend. I was so overwhelmed and didn't know how to respond. He wanted me to be his girlfriend so I said yes, big mistake. High School came and we were still dating but our relationship was wobbly. I didn't know where I stood with him in our relationship anymore. He never came to talk to me or anything and he just stood up against the wall looking lost. He and I didn't really get to know each other in middle school when we were younger. I got hurt emotionally in our relationship, he told me to go to hell and he just treated me like a dog. Now looking at it I wish I had waited he and I broke up and we are not together anymore whatsoever and I think it was for the best. I finally know what I want and what I deserve in a guy. I want someone who has a good personality, makes me smile, loves me for who I am, and is willing to work our relationship out not just me doing all the work. So that's my story I really wish I had waited it would've saved a lot of heartache. I'm done settling for just any guy and going back to someone I know I need to walk away from. A relationship to me is like a full time job. I don't want half of you and I don't want part of you I want all of you. If he can't do that then don't lead me into a relationship if your gonna leave me laying on the ground. I want someone who will be real with me someone who is almost or close to the same page as me into a relationship. So I'm going to wait because I know its for the best and I know there's a guy out there just waiting for me I just have to find him.
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