It's natural to want to fix all your partners problems. I gotta confess, I do it all the time. Some of us are just fixers, you know? We see a problem and we want to fix it. Unfortunately, sometimes our partners don't want us to. They don't need us to fix things for them, they just want us to be there. Acknowledging that and actually putting it into practice are two different things, but understanding that you just can't solve all of your partner's problems is the first step to, you know, stopping.
1 Sometimes, It is Just Their Problem
We all have problems. You have problems. Your boy or girl does, too. Let them have their problems. Let them feel their feelings!
Frequently asked questions
2 You Can't Take Their Problems as Your Own
This isn't fair to either of you because, like I said, you have problems of your own. Besides, your partner doesn't want to put their problems on you.
3 Undue Stress
Why? Because it stresses your relationship, that's why. It'll stress out both of you.
4 It Can Cripple Your Relationship
That's the last thing you want, right? Being a fixer isn't worth messing up your relationship.
5 You Are Your Own Person
And, let me repeat, you have your own problems. Be you. Take care of your own stuff.
6 They Need to Figure It out for Themselves
If you keep trying to fix everything, your partner won't ever figure out how to do things on their own. You don't want that, right?
7 You Can't Fix Someone else
Unless you have a degree and they're seeing you professionally, you're just not equipped to fix anybody else. It's not in your job description.
8 It Can Make You Both Unhappy
It can make you unhappy for SO many reasons.
9 You Need to Be Understanding when They Want to Talk through Their Problems
However, sometimes your partner will want your opinion. They might come to you for help. When that happens, just listen and try to understand before jumping into fixer-mode.
10 Tough Love is the Only Option Sometimes
And if you know your partner needs a little push, figure out where and when and how to push. It's hard and it takes some practice, but it works!
11 You Might Need to Take a Step Back to Help Them Grow
It might seem cruel to you, or like you're not helping, but you're helping more than you know.
12 Don't Expect Them to Handle Their Problems like You Handle Yours
You're two different people. Your partner doesn't do things the way you do them – and that's okay!
13 You Can't Change Someone Unless They Want to Change
Just like you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed, you can't make someone change unless they want to.
14 It Can Make Both of You Miserable if You Keep Trying to Solve Their Problems
The resentments build up, you get frustrated with each other, and you both feel demotivated. That's no good for a relationship.
15 They Will Find Their Way
One way or another, they will.
16 It Might Be through the Hard Way …
Ahem, again, one way or another. Just remember, sometimes people have to fail before they can succeed.
17 Be Supportive but Not Overbearing
This is the best gift you can give, though. Sometimes your partner just needs to know you're standing with them.
Do you ever try to fix your partner? Do you guys argue about it?
