Even if you were the one to initiate the breakup with your man, you might be having trouble getting over him. You and your boyfriend had a connection that won’t just vanish once your relationship ends. He’ll still occupy your thoughts and might make you miss him. It’s not unusual for your feelings to linger. There are multiple reasons you could be having trouble getting over him.
1. No Closure
Breakups can cause you to question yourself and your former relationship. Why did he leave? Did he find another girl? If he didn’t tell you why he ended things or you didn’t get to tell him how you feel about the situation, you might need some closure. It’s difficult to start a new chapter in life when you feel like the last one wasn’t finished being written. You might be having trouble getting over him because he didn’t give you the opportunity to fully express your feelings.
2. Moping around
If you spend your time listening to sad music with lyrics that make you think of him, you need to stop. What you listen to affects your mood. Put on some happy music instead and think about the good things in your life. If you need suggestions, try “I Look So Good Without You” by Jessie James or “King of Wishful Thinking” by New Found Glory. Remember that you don’t need him to survive.
3. Rejecting Other Guys
You’re never going to forget about your ex if you keep rejecting the men who are interested in you. You shouldn’t jump right back into the dating game after a breakup or search for a rebound boy. You should just let yourself be open to different opportunities and take them when the time is right. Don’t compare your suitors with a past boyfriend. You and your ex didn’t work out for a reason, so it’s good if your new guy isn’t his exact copy.
Don’t spend all of your time daydreaming about getting him back. It might make you happy to think about him knocking on your front door with flowers and begging for forgiveness, but it’ll make you upset in the long run when the scenario never happens. If you know that the relationship is over for good, end the relationship in your mind as well. Don’t picture a future with him. In order to get over him, you need to stop thinking about him.
5. Living in Memories
Remember that amazing night where he cooked you your favorite meal and told you how much he loved you? Don’t. Thinking about the positive days you shared will only make you more upset. It’s okay to think of the good times you had every once in a while, but don’t get obsessed with the memories. You have to live in the present and prepare for your future without him.
6. Seeing Him Often
It can feel impossible to keep your distance from him if you go to the same school, have the same job, or are in the same friend group. You might even plan evenings out together in order to catch up on each other's lives. There’s nothing wrong with remaining friends, but limit how often you speak to him. Some people aren’t able to get over their ex when he’s always around. You know what they say: Out of sight, out of mind.
7. Talking about Him
If you find yourself bringing up jokes that your ex once told you or complaining about problems you had when you were together, you’re forcing your mind to linger on him. When you spend a large amount of time with someone, it can be hard to stop mentioning them, even after they’re gone. However, you have to stop using his name in conversations. It’s not healthy to focus on him after you’re over. Instead, talk about the cutie that always serves you your coffee at Starbucks.
8. Talking to Him
Some people have a bad habit of keeping in touch with their exes right after a break up. How are you ever supposed to move on if you keep talking to your ex? Part of you will keep hoping that you can get back together or just like the fact that you're comfortable talking to him, but neither of those things will help you move on. Try talking or texting someone else! He might not even realize he's making things hard for you by continuing to talk to you so just try changing things up and talking to someone else for a few days. It might seem weird at first, but it will definitely help you move on.
9. You Have His Stuff
If you have things like t-shirts, books, or anything else that belongs to him it's time to give that stuff back or get rid of it. There's no reason to have a constant reminder of who you were with. Seeing his clothes, pictures, books, movies, etc. is not doing you any good. It's going to make you want to mope around and remember times with him that you're supposed to be trying to push through. Just put his stuff in a box and see if he wants it, if he doesn't it's up to you what you want to do but you should definitely get rid of it.
10. Your Friends Keep Talking about Him
It's one thing if you keep talking about him or talking to him, but if your friends are doing it you have another issue. You need to explain to your friends that you're trying really hard to get over him and they aren't helping the situation. If they really liked you guys together you have to tell them that you have no control over the situation (if he ended things) and that they have to accept it so that they can help you move on. It's not fair to you if you're trying and your friends are hindering your progress. Make sure you talk to them, I'm sure they'll understand.
11. Scared to Be Alone
A lot of people just don't want to be alone and that's ok, but that's not a reason to think about your ex. Just remember that you guys ended it for a reason, whatever that reason may be, and so it obviously wasn't going to work. It's ok to be alone and being afraid of that is definitely not a reason to hang on to memories of someone that you aren't with. In the end this won't help you get over him or learn how to be alone, it will just delay the inevitable and maybe even hurt you some more.
I hope you’re able to move on and make yourself happy. Are you having trouble getting over an ex or an old crush? What are you doing to keep him off of your mind?
This article was written in collaboration with editor Lydia Sheehan.