Don't you hate it when after you break up with someone you start seeing hundreds of red flags you didn't pay attention to? And then you ask yourself "Why didn't I see those things before?"
Well, my dear, you just didn't look for them before. Searching for relationship red flags when you're happy is probably not your favorite thing to do, but maybe the fact you're reading this should tell you - there's already a bell ringing in your head. Let's see if you should pay attention to it.
There are plenty of red flags everyone tells you about from guys with mommy issues to a bit too controlling, overprotective or down talks to you - that's a loud alarm.
However, I don't want to talk about the obvious things here. There are 8 relationship red flags with a man no one really talks about but they should. Some of them are not even related to you but will affect you if the relationship gets too serious one day.
1. “Let's Take It Slow and See How It Goes...”
Yep, that's what he tells you at the beginning of your dating history, and you think, "Wow, he's been hurt and he just wants to do it right this time...just like me." You might be right, I admit. But that's a rare case of honesty. However, "take it slow and see how it goes" is a huge red flag.
Well, it's more than clear that you will not go further in the relationship before he feels ready to do so. He clearly doesn't want to get emotionally involved too much.
So one day, when he needs a few weeks "alone" and you're not alright with it, it's easier for him to say "I told you I want to take it slow, but it's going too fast. I need some time."
He gets what he needs when he needs it, and you mistake it for a "protecting his heart" moment.
2. He Isolates Himself Once in a While and Doesn't Say Why
We all need some “me-time” once in a while but if your guy tends to disappear so bad that he's unreachable even over the phone or you end up apologizing when trying to discuss how you feel, he clearly doesn’t need to be in a relationship.
No one’s "time alone" should look like total isolation from the world for extended periods of time. Complete separation is an alarm, a red flag you shouldn't ignore. He’s hiding from the world because something's wrong.
On the other hand, how do you see yourself in the future - if he's in one of "those days" and you need him, will you be able to contact him to tell him you need help? No, he won't be there to help you.
3. Mommy Issues
There's a whole psychology lesson behind that one, but if a man has problems with his mother, this is a huge red flag for you.
You see, the mother is the image of a woman figure in every man's world. The way he thinks of her, treats her and communicates with her is the way he will do it with the woman he shares his life with.
We're putting aside every type of child abuse or mental illness issues, and we talking about a normal mother-son relationship. How does your guy treat his mom? Guys with mommy issues are not guys to get into relationships with.
4. He Gets Easily Offended
Do you usually spend a half hour alone with your thoughts, preparing your speech in a way that won't hurt him? Even for the smallest things? Does he get offended very often when you talk to him? That's a huge red flag, girl!
We get offended when we believe the other's words are not meant to help us or to explain/resolve a problem/situation. We are offended because we don't think this person understands us, knows us and wishes us only good.
So, in other words, if he gets offended every time something good or bad or funny happens because he doesn't believe in your intentions and he thinks there's a selfish reason for you to say what you're saying then you shouldn’t be sticking around.
5. A Child
If your man has a child/children, that's an excellent way for you to see what type of a father he could be one day. Obvious, right? Let's dig a bit more if there’s a possibility for a red flag there.
Does he spend quality time with his child? Does he care about the way his child talks, thinks, acts? Does he require regular time with his kid(s) no matter what? Is he open to conversations about his child? Is he excited, proud, responsible? Those are good! Anything opposite is a red flag to avoid.
6. Money Issues
Money issues are a huge red flag we often tend to ignore. Everyone has money issues, right? Even you, probably. But you're working on it, aren't you?
The psychology behind the money problems goes all the way from lack of organization up to lack of direction for the future. Remember though: If it's a lack of organization it is fixable.
Many men refuse to take responsibility for their money making or money spending, and that means trouble for you.
The disturbing part is that you can see how he spends his money only after you start living together. Well, if you're determined enough, the signs are there long before that. There are a few ways you could find out without even asking him anything:
- The state of the place he lives could give you a ton of information - Is it clean, does it have everything we call basics of the typical household?
- If he admits he struggles with money, does he spend them on something else, like games, alcohol, cigarettes?
- Does he often "forget" his wallet when you're out? Or his debit/credit card accidentally stopped working exactly when you have these amazing plans for the day?
7. He Asks You for Money
If you are dating a man you have future with, he would never ask you for money. He would ask his friends or get a credit card or overdraft. He would do everything and anything possible not to reach out to you for financial support.
Let me tell you the ugly truth - his friends don’t give him money anymore, because he asked them way too many times for a few bucks... or he still owes them something from the last time he borrowed.
8. He Doesn't like to Talk over the Problems
Us women always want to discuss and talk about ... well, everything. Moreover, we overreact, create unnecessary drama and cry... even we don't know why we cry sometimes. I agree with all that.
Yet, when your man cares for you, he will listen to what you have to say, he will try to understand you and make you see you overreact when you do.
However, when your man cares for you, he will not avoid talking about things that disturb you. He will not isolate himself while "the storm" goes away and you "forget" what's all about. You will never hear "there's nothing to talk about" when you put an issue on the table. If he does that, then you're in trouble because this is a huge red flag for your relationship. Save yourself!
9. Words Vs. Actions
Ok, you probably have heard about that one. Anyway, I will repeat it, just in case.
One of the most obvious and easy to see red flags is when Words meet Actions. Every relationship is based on trust. We give this trust at first for no reason, but the other's job is to prove he deserves it. That could happen only when what he says and what he does match.
No matter if it's about to change a bulb or to start saving money - when one says he'll do it, he must do it.
If he has the habit to promise things but to not do the action part, this is a huge red flag about your future as partners. Never ignore it, as it's not only skipped promise, it's a lack of respect as well.
So, have you dated a guy with mommy issues? What about some of these other red flags? How did it go?