15 Signs You Shouldn't Marry Him That You Simply Shouldn't Ignore ...

Alicia

15 Signs You Shouldn't Marry Him That You Simply Shouldn't Ignore ...
15 Signs You Shouldn't Marry Him That You Simply Shouldn't Ignore ...

If you are considering marriage, you need to be sure that there are no signs you shouldn’t marry him in the picture. Marriage is a huge commitment and should be for a lifetime. If the guy you are considering linking your life up with has any of the signs you shouldn’t marry him as discussed here, you need to carefully reconsider not only marrying them but dating them.

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1

They Have Been Unfaithful

One of the top signs you shouldn’t marry him is if he has been unfaithful to you. If someone cannot remain faithful to you throughout the time period that you are dating, it is very probable they will not remain faithful throughout a lifelong marriage. The bare minimum you should be able to expect from your husband is his faithfulness. That is not an extra benefit in a good marriage. It is expected.

2

They Have an Alcohol or Drug Problem

If you are dating a man with an alcohol or drug problem, you need to get away from him as quickly as you can. Run away from that relationship! It holds nothing but heartache from you. You cannot fix him or save him from himself. Save yourself the heartache of marrying a man with an addiction problem.

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Substance abuse is not just a phase; it’s a serious issue that should serve as a glaring red flag. An addiction can lead to erratic behavior, financial strain, emotional turmoil, and an unhealthy environment for any potential future family. Remember, love cannot conquer addiction. Only professional help and a true desire to change can lead to recovery. It’s painful to walk away, but it is crucial to prioritize your well-being and future happiness above staying in a relationship that could bring you down with it.

3

They Have a Different Faith to You

Marrying someone who is of a different faith than you are can bring you both so much heartache. I am not talking about little differences in denominations of the same faith. Those can usually be overcome fairly easily. But if the two of you have completely different faiths, a happy future will be difficult for you to attain. And it is much easier to choose someone from the start that shares your faith than to break it off with someone of a different faith that you already care deeply for.

4

You Fight Constantly

If you cannot get along when you are dating, most likely you are not going to get along when you are married. In fact, you will probably fight much more. I have often heard it said that your relationship is the best it is ever going to be when you are dating. Marriage is hard, even when you both love each other deeply and are committed to treating each other kindly. If you cannot work out your conflicts before you get married, then don’t get married at all.

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Conflict is a normal part of any relationship, but if your arguments are relentless and hurtful, that's a red flag. It's critical to have constructive discussions, but if it's all about blaming and never about resolving, think twice. Communication is the bedrock of marriage, and without the ability to navigate through issues calmly and effectively, resentment can fester. Those unresolved issues can turn into much larger problems post-wedding bells, often leading to a turbulent marriage. Healthy couples find ways to compromise and grow; if you're stuck in a cycle of conflict, it's time to reevaluate.

5

You Aren’t Sure if You Love Him

If you do not know deep down in your heart that you are deeply and totally in love with your boyfriend then you absolutely do not need to marry them. Do not enter a marriage with doubts in your head and your heart. That gut feeling is there for a reason and it is usually right. At the very least, postpone a wedding when you have doubts to give yourself time to sort your feelings out. If you do end up working through your feelings then your guy will still be there if it is meant to be.

6

Nobody Likes Them

Is your boyfriend a well-liked guy? What do people usually think of him? What is the general, common opinion of him? Those are very important questions to consider. While everyone has someone that doesn’t like them, if your boyfriend is disliked by a lot of people, there is most likely a reason for that that you need to consider carefully.

7

They Can’t Hold a Job

I don’t know about you but I do not want a man that I have to support. If your boyfriend cannot hold a job, don’t enter into a marriage with him. Of course, we have all had jobs that don’t work out. However, if your boyfriend is being constantly fired or quitting jobs, that deserves some serious consideration. That is probably a big clue to you as to what marriage is going to be like. After all, there may be times you cannot work due to pregnancy and childbirth and you will need him to support you.

8

He Doesn't Make You a Better Person

Personally I believe relationships should be about bringing out the best in your partner. He should make you a better person and bring out the better side of you as you should for him. If you decide to spend your whole life with him, you should feel confident that being with him won't change you for the worst. If you believe that he is a good influence on you and your life in general, this is a match made in heaven! However if you see that your whole relationship has changed you for the worst, it is better you run the other way.

9

He Constantly Lies

I think we could all agree on the fact that any great relationship is based on pure honesty. If you are not able to be straightforward with him and if he has to hide a part of his life from you, the talk about marriage shouldn't even come up. You can't spend a lifetime wondering what he is doing and who he is meeting. Marriage should be a commitment between two best friends, who hide nothing from each other no matter how awful it may be.

10

He Has Different Goals and Dreams

Dating someone who is a polar opposite of you is a learning experience, it is something fun and fresh. However going into marriage with someone who doesn't share your goals and dreams can be a little difficult. For example if he doesn't plan on having children and you do, you might have a problem figuring out where to go from there. You don't want to give up your dream of having a big family just because it is not something that he is comfortable with.

11

He is Controlling

Believe it or not, but some men propose just to gain a firmer hold on their partner. They almost like to 'claim their property' and make it official. If this is the case, don't give him more than he already has. His desire for control will only grow from there, he will prevent you from seeing your friends and even family. Proposal should be an act of unconditional love, claiming that you are the one he wants to grow old with.

12

You Have Been Dating for a Short Period

While some hasty marriages actually work out, others just end up in a messy divorce. So if you want your marriage to last forever, its important to take your relationship on a trial over a span of a couple of years. Once you become more familiar with each other and get to see the best, and the worst of your relationship, you will feel a lot more confident in the commitment you are about to make. First couple of months in a relationship can give a false impression of what is about to come, so saying 'yes' would definitely be premature.

13

He Tries to Change You

Changing someone to fit your needs and desires is plainly selfish and unfair. True love is about accepting each other and loving every imperfection that that person comes with. You can't just pick at the parts you like and change the rest to the way you want it. So you if you feel that is exactly what he is doing, explain to him that he either takes you the way you are or you are walking away.

14

You Have a Rocky Relationship

If you can describe your relationship as an on-and-off one, you and him are not ready for such a strong commitment. If your romance is not stable, that means that you just need to take a little more time before diving into marriage. First you need to sort out if being with him is something that you want because calling it quits every other day is not what marriage is all about.

15

You Find It a CONVENIENCE

If you are considering marriage to save your relationship or to improve your financial status, you are doing it for all of the wrong reasons. Once again marriage is about an immense amount of love for one another and it is not just something you do because it is convenient. Don't marry just because you want to settle down at this exact age, because love doesn't go by a plan, things always have a weird turn of events at the most unexpected moments.

Marriage is a beautiful, precious thing but only if you are careful in your selection of whom you marry. This is not a decision that should be made lightly. Do you ladies have any input on this subject to share with other readers?

This article was written in collaboration with editor Vladlena Lee.

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

@Sara1987, First of all just because you told us that you have a 'phd in psychology' doesn't mean that it's true. Secondly, the writer gave advice, noone is forcing anyone to actually follow them, that's up tp the individual to use their judgement.Thirdly, there's nothing wrong with advicing women to avoid deadbeats, way too many women work hard to feed lazy man especially as we're the ones we get the label of 'goldigger'. People forget that in many cultures (and in the west in the past) men would marry a woman for her inheritance and if she didn't have any they wouldn't marry her at all. Women shouldn't be afraid to be assertive and think of themselves instead of always trying to please a man out of fear of being alone. The different faith part was also correct, a religious faith shapes someone's personality and the way they think. Would you marry a fanatic muslim if you knew that he wouldn't let you out of the house without his permission ? How would you raise the kids ? Don't be quick to judge, we shouldn't be afraid to address those issues just because certain people want to pretend that we live in a pink bubble. Personally i find the list VERY useful and i wish they'd give a copy to every girl. Also add that he has to do his share of housework and be a good lover, so many women feel unsatisfied because men don't care if they like it or not.

@Tanya, wow that is great that u have peace within your self to have a "house husband". I suffer the same issue at home. I'm not married but I've been with my guy for 7 years and I can't seem to accept him as a "house husband". well at least your guy has a job. Mines maybe feels it's beneath him. I'm scared of being lonely and another reason to not let him go is: he watches my son while I'm working. I still have my eyes open. Hopefully I do meet Mr right in the mean time. Any advice for me?

@Lynda Ab, if you don't trust him and if he cheated, you should leave him. It may not be so but once a cheater, always a cheater. He's not worth it x

How shallow is this list?

5 out of 7 and we're already married...bad sign?

Beyond the infidelity this list is why so many women have such a tough time finding the perfect man. You need the right guy for you. Not the one that matches a list someone else wrote. Please make your own decisions. Credentials? Only 6 yrs married to the right guy for me. Free advice, take it or leave it.

All these were good reasons to step away from the commitment of marriage. One BIG red glad I'd like to add is; if he continuously puts his family before you. Namely his mother. Chances are that you'll never measure up to his mother. Even after you've said your vows. Speak now or forever hold your peace. This is what I am seeing in a specific relationship from a close family member. The signs are there. Walk away.

1. When they are asked to give an opinion on something, they will define whatever it is by its flaws. This is usually accompanied by an anecdote drawing from personal experience about why those defects are of paramount importance. 2. They have a narrative of how their life will go, carved into their very identity. Deviations from this plan are essentially unacceptable. As their partner - you may find that they become suddenly distant if you try to get them to compromise on certain things. 3. They place greater value in constructs of authority, than in the strength of your partnership and the bond that is forged between two people who love one another. Just my 3 pence worth.

The only one I disagree with is no.3 different faith. I'm from a Hindu and Buddhist faith because my father is Hindu Indian and my mother is Chinese. My husband of 19 years is Caucasian whose faith is Christian. My two girls are brought up to believe in all 3. Every year we celebrate the Hindu religious celebrations, Buddhist celebrations and Christmas. It can be done if both are open minded and respect each other. If you love your partner and have chosen to be with him or her you would make the effort to respect their religion. There should not be any criticism on whose religion is better. There should only be acceptance of that person you love as a whole. You should not be trying to convert anyone by being in a relationship unless the person wants to.

@jbrytni, thanks. Good to see other people out there are doing the same thing. Firstly I don't think any thing I say is going to make a difference Hun,if I say what you want to hear then you'll think "great, even they see it", if I don't then you'll think "what would you know anyway". I think in this situation it's entirely on how you feel. At the end of the day when I come home and my guy sits on the couch with me, I don't feel like 'how dare you sit down, what have YOU done today', I feel happy that I can sit down without having to clean up and make tea first, and that he's there beside me. Is your guy doing this? Also, do you love him? You suggested meeting Mr Right in there, does this suggest you don't actually love him, or do you and you just don't feel his holding his own in the relationship. If this is the case then rather than wondering when Mr Right will come along, maybe your man is mr right, just with a few flaws. Try discussing this with him, express what concerns you have. But just remember not to make him feel inadequate, most men have strong feelings about not being the main breadwinner.

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