If you are considering marriage, you need to be sure that there are no signs you shouldn’t marry him in the picture. Marriage is a huge commitment and should be for a lifetime. If the guy you are considering linking your life up with has any of the signs you shouldn’t marry him as discussed here, you need to carefully reconsider not only marrying them but dating them.
1. They Have Been Unfaithful
One of the top signs you shouldn’t marry him is if he has been unfaithful to you. If someone cannot remain faithful to you throughout the time period that you are dating, it is very probable they will not remain faithful throughout a lifelong marriage. The bare minimum you should be able to expect from your husband is his faithfulness. That is not an extra benefit in a good marriage. It is expected.
2. They Have an Alcohol or Drug Problem
If you are dating a man with an alcohol or drug problem, you need to get away from him as quickly as you can. Run away from that relationship! It holds nothing but heartache from you. You cannot fix him or save him from himself. Save yourself the heartache of marrying a man with an addiction problem.
3. They Have a Different Faith to You
Marrying someone who is of a different faith than you are can bring you both so much heartache. I am not talking about little differences in denominations of the same faith. Those can usually be overcome fairly easily. But if the two of you have completely different faiths, a happy future will be difficult for you to attain. And it is much easier to choose someone from the start that shares your faith than to break it off with someone of a different faith that you already care deeply for.
4. You Fight Constantly
If you cannot get along when you are dating, most likely you are not going to get along when you are married. In fact, you will probably fight much more. I have often heard it said that your relationship is the best it is ever going to be when you are dating. Marriage is hard, even when you both love each other deeply and are committed to treating each other kindly. If you cannot work out your conflicts before you get married, then don’t get married at all.
5. You Aren’t Sure if You Love Him
If you do not know deep down in your heart that you are deeply and totally in love with your boyfriend then you absolutely do not need to marry them. Do not enter a marriage with doubts in your head and your heart. That gut feeling is there for a reason and it is usually right. At the very least, postpone a wedding when you have doubts to give yourself time to sort your feelings out. If you do end up working through your feelings then your guy will still be there if it is meant to be.
6. Nobody Likes Them
Is your boyfriend a well-liked guy? What do people usually think of him? What is the general, common opinion of him? Those are very important questions to consider. While everyone has someone that doesn’t like them, if your boyfriend is disliked by a lot of people, there is most likely a reason for that that you need to consider carefully.
7. They Can’t Hold a Job
I don’t know about you but I do not want a man that I have to support. If your boyfriend cannot hold a job, don’t enter into a marriage with him. Of course, we have all had jobs that don’t work out. However, if your boyfriend is being constantly fired or quitting jobs, that deserves some serious consideration. That is probably a big clue to you as to what marriage is going to be like. After all, there may be times you cannot work due to pregnancy and childbirth and you will need him to support you.
8. He Doesn't Make You a Better Person
Personally I believe relationships should be about bringing out the best in your partner. He should make you a better person and bring out the better side of you as you should for him. If you decide to spend your whole life with him, you should feel confident that being with him won't change you for the worst. If you believe that he is a good influence on you and your life in general, this is a match made in heaven! However if you see that your whole relationship has changed you for the worst, it is better you run the other way.
9. He Constantly Lies
I think we could all agree on the fact that any great relationship is based on pure honesty. If you are not able to be straightforward with him and if he has to hide a part of his life from you, the talk about marriage shouldn't even come up. You can't spend a lifetime wondering what he is doing and who he is meeting. Marriage should be a commitment between two best friends, who hide nothing from each other no matter how awful it may be.
10. He Has Different Goals and Dreams
Dating someone who is a polar opposite of you is a learning experience, it is something fun and fresh. However going into marriage with someone who doesn't share your goals and dreams can be a little difficult. For example if he doesn't plan on having children and you do, you might have a problem figuring out where to go from there. You don't want to give up your dream of having a big family just because it is not something that he is comfortable with.
11. He is Controlling
Believe it or not, but some men propose just to gain a firmer hold on their partner. They almost like to 'claim their property' and make it official. If this is the case, don't give him more than he already has. His desire for control will only grow from there, he will prevent you from seeing your friends and even family. Proposal should be an act of unconditional love, claiming that you are the one he wants to grow old with.
12. You Have Been Dating for a Short Period
While some hasty marriages actually work out, others just end up in a messy divorce. So if you want your marriage to last forever, its important to take your relationship on a trial over a span of a couple of years. Once you become more familiar with each other and get to see the best, and the worst of your relationship, you will feel a lot more confident in the commitment you are about to make. First couple of months in a relationship can give a false impression of what is about to come, so saying 'yes' would definitely be premature.
13. He Tries to Change You
Changing someone to fit your needs and desires is plainly selfish and unfair. True love is about accepting each other and loving every imperfection that that person comes with. You can't just pick at the parts you like and change the rest to the way you want it. So you if you feel that is exactly what he is doing, explain to him that he either takes you the way you are or you are walking away.
14. You Have a Rocky Relationship
If you can describe your relationship as an on-and-off one, you and him are not ready for such a strong commitment. If your romance is not stable, that means that you just need to take a little more time before diving into marriage. First you need to sort out if being with him is something that you want because calling it quits every other day is not what marriage is all about.
15. You Find It a CONVENIENCE
If you are considering marriage to save your relationship or to improve your financial status, you are doing it for all of the wrong reasons. Once again marriage is about an immense amount of love for one another and it is not just something you do because it is convenient. Don't marry just because you want to settle down at this exact age, because love doesn't go by a plan, things always have a weird turn of events at the most unexpected moments.
Marriage is a beautiful, precious thing but only if you are careful in your selection of whom you marry. This is not a decision that should be made lightly. Do you ladies have any input on this subject to share with other readers?
This article was written in collaboration with editor Vladlena Lee.