Looking for signs your partner is passive aggressive is a scary process. It can force you to reevaluate your relationship, but is that even a bad thing? This type of behavior is often hard to spot. However, it can make you feel downright miserable when it is going on all the time. Noticing the key signs your partner is passive aggressive may help you realise why you haven’t been happy in your relationship lately.
1. It is Never Their Fault
No matter what they do, they always find a way to be the victim. This is one of the cardinal signs your partner is passive aggressive, so do watch out for it carefully. For example, if they miss an important family engagement, lose jobs repeatedly, or something similar, they will always find a reason to explain why they are the victim. Before you know it, you feel bad for confronting them about the problem in the first place. This is a tactic to make YOU feel bad.
2. It is Always Your Fault
A passive aggressive partner may also find ways to make sure you know something is your fault. Did they come home from a meeting super drunk and late? Well, they will find a way to highlight how YOU made them do it. This eventually leads to you questioning whether you need to discuss the problem at all. Guilt kicks in, and they have succeeded in not confronting their behavior.
3. They ‘Forget’ Important Things
Got an engagement party to go to? Suddenly your partner is late or doesn’t turn up at all. Repeatedly receiving red letters? Your partner has ‘forgotten’ to pay the bills. Seriously, we are all grownups, so there is rarely a legitimate reason for forgetting something you really need to do. Passive aggressive individuals cannot express anger, so they do this to anger you instead.
4. They Won’t do What They Need to
If you live with a passive aggressive partner, you may find yourself doing more than your fair share of work around the home. If you ask your partner to contribute by doing a set task, they will leave it and do everything but that task. Dishes will pile up on the side, the curtains will go unhung. Yet, they somehow find time to clean that ornament that has been sitting in your garage for months on end. Confront them and they will find a way to make you believe it is YOUR problem, not theirs.
5. They Make Breaking up Hard
Try to break up with a passive aggressive person and you will be in for the ride of your life. They will tell you that they ‘chose’ you, so you should both work on things. As they can distort their wrong doing, they will refuse to believe there are enough problems to justify a break up. Some may even resort to telling you that breaking up will harm their mental health. This is the most challenging aspect of being in a relationship with a passive aggressive person.
6. They Don’t do What They Say
Has your partner agreed that something is important but their behaviour doesn’t reflect their words? They are acting in a passive aggressive manner. For example, they may agree that you both need to save money for a mortgage. Next thing you know, they are spending like there is no tomorrow. Passive aggressive partners are great at contradictory behavior.
7. They Continuously Express Hostility towards Others
These people will believe that their life is hard, others have it easy, and they don’t deserve to. They may also express distaste towards the lifestyle of anybody and everybody. They always find a way to criticize your friends and family. Passive aggressive partners cannot be happy. It therefore makes sense that they do not want others to be happy either.
If your partner is passive aggressive, it means they are angry but they do not have great ways to express their anger. You now have a couple of choices: you can address this with them via counselling or good old fashioned talking. Alternatively, you can break up. If you have experienced this problem, how did you manage it?