Let’s face it, men can captivate us with a dazzling smile or a flirtatious wink, but how do you know whether or not you’re wasting your time on him? Have no fear ladies, I’m here to share the signs that you’re down right just wasting your time on him. I was interested in someone who checked off each of these points and as much as it hurts to say it, I’ve moved on and feel free that I’m not longer wasting my time on him.
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1. You Haven't Met Any of His Friends
This tip was generously shared by one of our readers, Kells. Thanks Kells!
If a guy is interested in a relationship with you, he will want to introduce you to his friends. He needs to know that you will get along with them and that they approve of you. If you haven't met any of his friends, it's likely he's not serious about keeping you around long term.
Please feel free to add your own point at the end of the post. We'd love to hear from you!
2. You Haven’t Been Asked out on a Date Yet
The biggest sign that you’re wasting your time on him is if you have not even been asked out on a date yet. If you just met the guy a few days ago, give it some time, obviously. But if you’ve been messaging back and forth for a while now or maybe you have mutual friends with him and see him out and about, it should be a red flag that he hasn’t made a move to ask you out yet.
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It's possible he enjoys your company as a friend or is simply not looking for a relationship right now. But if you are clear about your intentions and he's still not taking the hint, then you're likely just not a priority. Don't let yourself become an option for someone when you're worthy of being someone's first choice. It’s time to step back and consider redirecting your energy towards someone who reciprocates your interest. Remember, actions speak louder than words, and in this case, his inaction is speaking volumes.
Frequently asked questions
Look for signs like him not making you a priority, being inconsistent with his actions, and avoiding future plans. Trust your gut feeling too!
You might feel this way if you're putting in all the effort and not getting much in return. If he’s not meeting your needs or respecting your time, it’s a red flag.
Have an honest conversation with him about your feelings and what you need in the relationship. If he doesn’t respond positively, it might be time to move on.
Be honest but kind. Use 'I' statements like, 'I feel like my time isn’t being valued,' and explain what you need from the relationship.
Common signs include him being flaky, not investing in the relationship, avoiding serious conversations, and only being there when it’s convenient for him.
3. You Find out He’s Still Hanging with His Ex
It’s healthy to be cordial with ex’s, but staying in touch with them, hanging out with them, buying presents for them, and spending important holidays with them…well, that’s another flag right there. The guy I was getting to know better did all the above, and worse, he posted pictures on social media NOT KNOWING that I knew that was his ex. HUGE flag for me, huge. I still talk with guys I’ve dated before, but he took it to a whole other level. YIKES.
4. You Don’t Feel Wanted by Him
Before finding out he was “catching up” with his ex and “just hanging out”, I had already experienced signs of not feeling wanted by him. It seemed like every time I expressed my quirky, bubbly, fun side (that I’m really proud of because it defines who I am) I just felt like he smiled and brushed it off, like he didn’t really care about me for me. BIG NO-NO, girl…you deserve to feel wanted.
5. You Feel like You Can’t Be Yourself around Him
Piggy-backing on the last point, I just felt like I couldn’t even be myself around him. My gut feeling was telling me not to open up to him, not to be myself around him, and not to let him in. It’s easy to fall in love with the idea of being with someone, which is why most women ignore these signs and keep pursuing their crush. The less I felt like I could be myself around him, the more encouraged I was to leave him in the dust.
6. You Question His Every Move
Jealousy is an ugly feeling, my dear, an ugly feeling. If there are surges of anger bottled up inside you because you feel that you can’t trust him or that you’re questioning his every move, stop wasting your time on that man, because your health and sanity is worth more than feeling stuck in a relationship of questioning and doubt and insecurity. Your man should make you feel loved and wanted and special and you should feel respect and trust towards him.
7. You Really Don’t Know Much about Him
If your relationship with your crush is more physical than emotional or if it’s built more around you talking about yourself and him just sitting there listening but not ever contributing to the relationship, it’s yet another red flag. Using my ridiculous experience as a testimony, I found myself talking a lot more about me than he was talking about himself. I felt like it was a one way street with him. So not worth my time.
8. You Don’t Feel like a Priority
Not every relationship is perfect, I get that and I know that. But when you’re with someone who really cares about you and who really wants to get to know you better, he’s going to put a lot of effort in making sure that you’re feeling like a priority. Think about the one guy who you’re so not into (either because you think of him as a brother, or a creep) but who is completely infatuated with you. He tries hard to make you priority, doesn’t he? It might annoy you or push you further away from him, but he’s trying. Why should it be any different with the guy who you like who actually likes you back? Think about it.
9. You Are Always Initiating Things
Hands down if you’re finding yourself being the one to ask him out on a date or asking him to meet you at the movies or asking him to be your gym partner, then he’s not worth your time. Again, it goes back to what I said about a one-way street. You shouldn’t always be the one initiating things.
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In the article "10 Signs You're Wasting Your Time on Him," published on a women-focused blog in the category of love, the author discusses signs that indicate a relationship may not be worth pursuing. One of these signs is when the woman is always the one initiating plans and activities. This can be a red flag as it suggests that the man may not be equally invested in the relationship and is not putting in effort to make it work. This can lead to an unbalanced dynamic and ultimately a waste of time for the woman. It is important for both partners to take initiative and show interest in each other for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
10. You Get “Miss You” Messages with Zero Action
Actions speak louder than words. We all know this. If you are feeling upset by the messages that go unnoticed or unanswered, stop wasting your time on him. Internalize that you are worth so much more than a boy who is just dragging you around for his own entertainment. Last sappy part about my testimony is that I used to receive “miss you” messages all the time and days would go by without any follow up messages or “let’s hang out” messages.
Follow your gut. Ultimately that's what it comes down to. If after reading this article you feel angry or confused because you know, deep down, that you're not meant to be with the person that you're trying to get to know better, then take this as a sign. It's better to stop wasting time on someone in the relationships' infancy stage rather than date, build up years together (which may end up being more miserable than happy) and then break things off. Be smart, follow your inner guide, and know that you're loved no matter what decision you make. What signs made you realize that you were done wasting your time on your crush?
Comments
Vatonii: I'm going through this too! Thank you for the article, it's really helping.
Gaby_: The 'miss you' messages part is so true. Thanks for this.
Sarcastic225: If they keep making up excuses. There is a problem. Sadly we have to experience things like this in life.
Linda: then don't waste any more time on him . he doesn't deserve to be with you. that's the first flag . he is a narcissist.
Slim: Thank you this is something I really can use, and start thinking about myself!!!!
johnsepticeye: i will still never give up even if she does not feel like that toward me!#NEVERGIVEUP
im_a_unicorn_077: so.....
Chill: Thank for the article learn so much about it....true hurts but for good reason...time to let go and move on
Amaris: Thankyou sooo much this article is a lifesaver
Pamy_Dee: Wow! This though ...... I really need to re evaluate my life hey as in yesterday
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