7 Steps to Take when You Leave an Abusive Relationship ...

By Alicia

There are certain things you need to do when you leave an abusive relationship in order to take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. I do know what you are going through if you are in this situation because I have personally been in an abusive relationship and left it to move on with my life. I can offer you some guidance to follow when you leave an abusive relationship. You will get through this difficult time period - truly!

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1

Put Protective Measures in Place

When you leave an abusive relationship, you have to think about how to protect yourself. The first thing you need to do is put protective measures in place. Do not be afraid to file for protective orders. Those measures are there for people in the situation you are in and are meant to protect them. You have to think smart at this point in time in your life.

2

Stay on Guard

While it is good to file for protective measures, you cannot completely trust them to keep you safe. Most times, if not all times, when you are leaving an abusive relationship, you are leaving an individual that does not have the normal respect for people and rules that they should. You need to be careful where you go and who you are with. I know this is a terrible way to have to live but it is most likely temporary and you have to look out for your own safety. This is an important time to be street smart and look over your shoulder.

3

Seek Legal Representation

As difficult as it is, you need to seek legal representation if there will be any kind of court dates. It is always better to have legal representation than to try to go it alone. This is doubly so if you were married to the person that abused you. But don’t settle for anyone. Ask around and make sure you are going with a good choice of a lawyer.

4

Surround Yourself with Support

This is a very hard thing to go through. I remember it well. It is really important to surround yourself with supportive family and friends right now. You need the reminder that people care about you. You also need people that will be there for you and listen when you need to talk.

5

Begin Taking Steps to Move on

It is important to shift your focus when you leave an abusive relationship. While you will have times of grief, hurt, regret and maybe even shame, it is important to start thinking of what is waiting for you in the future. This is a good time for a life change. Maybe you could go back to school or look for a better paying job. It is good to look to the future and stop looking back.

Famous Quotes

One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.

Albert Schweitzer
6

Realize It Will Take Time to Heal

What you have been through is a tremendous ordeal. It is going to take time to heal. It isn’t unusual to have bad dreams or feel afraid. Be patient with yourself as you go through all of these powerful emotions. Assure yourself that you will get better.

7

Take Care of Yourself

You know, you certainly deserve some pampering with what you have been through. Be kind to yourself right now. Do things like getting your hair done or go out to lunch with a girlfriend. Buy something you would like to have, just because. These little gestures help you return to a sense of normalcy.

Although leaving a relationship is very difficult, these things can help you to move on with your life. If you have been through this situation, what advice can you give other women in that place? I know they would appreciate all the bits of wisdom you can offer.

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

@alicia that would be wonderful I look forward to reading it :)

"#3 seek legal representation" this one is oppression women who do not have access to affordable legal representation. "make sure you are going with a good choice of lawyer" this statement has now excluded anyone who cannot afford a lawyer. good job.

Emily, that sounds like it would be a good topic for an article... How to help a friend or family member in an abusive relationship. I will see if I can put together some useful information in that subject.

@emily, please don't give up on her. It took me almost 20 years to leave an abusive drunk. It's so hard because you have an ugly cycle: abuse, guilt, apology, honeymoon period, then it starts all over. And you know that you'll likely have to leave with the clothes on your back, and often go into hiding. It's a HUGE step. Are there children involved? If so you can report it to CPS. If not, please just be there for her. You are seen as the enemy to her husband, especially if he's aware that you are on to him. Admitting it is one if the hardest steps. She must trust you if she said something to you at one time. If and when you get the opportunity to see her or talk to her try not to bring it up right away. She will need to know you are there for her no matter what. I know how frustrating this must be for you but know that you are doing a wonderful thing by not giving up on her. Hugs and prayers being sent your way.

First, I'd like to say that I believe wholeheartedly in the good intentions of this article....however....where are the contact numbers for women's shelters? Very important....know, most women do by the time they leave, the number for your local domestic violence organization, these people are dedicated and have been there. Secondly, I'd like to say never tell a woman to go get a protective order...I know it's mentioned in point after this, but, As most abused women know...use your instincts, if your insides tell you that the protective order is just a piece of paper, go with your gut....that can be done later. Does the author realize how dangerous it is to tell a woman that? That's what tipped my almost killer to break in....again....this time with weapons of choice, and try to kill me. Trust your instincts, some people ARE crazy enough to do the unthinkable. Be safe...keep your kids safe, and if you need to go, keep in mind that most domestic shelters will pick you up, but, they won't do so if he's around.1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) the hotline.org. 24/7. Ps....I'm still trying to maneuver my way out of another one...this time it's psychological abuse, and my family has deserted me. And I have 2 disabled children, and I am disabled myself. Thank you to those willing to be and stay there for loved ones....you are invaluable.

Thank you both. That's good and wise advice. I see her rarely but try to contact her by phone or text tho I know those are monitored and sometimes he pretends to be her. I am in two minds whether to report it or no. She wrote me what she described as a very honest letter but he found and destroyed it and now she tells me how wonderful he is. He knows I'm on to him as he went for me once. Sadly not to the point I could press charges. I think, Jean that you are exactly right about the cycle. There are no children involved thankfully. I am now the only friend she has contact with and her family are also shut out. I will be as good a friend as I can. Any tips welcome.

I'm in one too n he often tells me how much he loves me but I really don't know if that's what love should be like :(

I need help. my friend is in a relationship with a violent drunk. She admitted it to me once but has gone back to telling me he's so lovely and amazing. She's totally isolated and no longer allowed to see me. She's hiding bruises under clothes and makeup I know she is and has been diagnosed with nervous disorders. Any advice?

For me I don't need any step, it's always the same pattern, I'm always in a abusive relationship ... The last one had a girlfriend and I had no idea ! How stupid I am !!!

I also have experienced an abusive relationship. People stay in abusive relationships because they don't start out abusively. These relationships begin with charming, wonderful, loving people. The abuse begins gradually and over time the abuser isolates their partner from family and friends. I wasn't able to leave until I felt that it was my only option. I am so thankful for my family and friends who stood by me during that time in my life. Leaving an abusive relationsip and rebuilding my life from scratch was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I needed my family and friends to be my strength at times when I had difficulty being strong for myself. It is difficult to watch a loved one endure an abusive situation. The victim of abuse is the only one who can stop the cycle of abuse by leaving the situation. It may take a while by I believe your friend, Emily, will eventually make that decision, It's at that point that she will need you more than ever.

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