9 Tell-Tale Signs โš ๏ธ Your Partner ๐Ÿ’• is Controlling ๐Ÿ™ ...

There are some signs your partner is controlling and you should definitely be on the lookout for them. A controlling man isn't someone you want to be stuck with because this kind of relationship never goes well. Stubborn men aren't necessarily controlling, but it's a good idea to know the difference. Here are some signs your partner is controlling.

1. He Picks Everything

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One of the biggest signs your partner is controlling is that has to be in charge of everything. That includes what movie you watch, where you go to eat, when itโ€™s time to leave social settings. And he doesnโ€™t leave much room for debate. You thought it was sexy at first when he would order for you because itโ€™s sexy when a man is all macho. But there is a difference between taking charge and being controlling.

2. Heโ€™s Devilishly Charming in Public

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He's smart, funny, charismatic. Your friends love him and you love how it feels to be his girl. He showers you with praise and attention, and from the outside looking in you two are so in love and ridiculously happy. He does this well, and itโ€™s important for later.

3. Heโ€™s Jealous of Your Time

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He hates it when you look at your phone, and instantly has to know who youโ€™re talking to. He doesnโ€™t like it when you make plans to be with your friends, even friends that have been there way before him. Basically, he doesnโ€™t like any of your plans that donโ€™t include him. Which brings us to the next one.

4. Youโ€™re Starting to Feel Alienated

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You may not have seen it happening in real time because heโ€™s so good at being in control, but you really canโ€™t remember the last time you saw your friends. And the more time that passes, the harder it is to reach out because you feel like youโ€™ve been quiet for so long. So youโ€™re stuck in limbo. Be very careful, because this is all by design. Notice that now it feels like heโ€™s all you have, and thatโ€™s exactly what he wants.

5. He Withholds His Love

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He does this as a form of punishment. Maybe you stay out too long or donโ€™t satisfy his exact need at that exact moment, so he makes his displeasure clear by punishing you. But not in a provable or tangible way because heโ€™s too smart for that. Rather he begins a psychological warfare that is so much worse. He becomes distant, and you feel him pull away. Naturally you want his love and favor back so you engage and start emotionally begging. He tortures you until heโ€™s satisfied that heโ€™s firmly in control of you, and of everything.

6. Your Alienation Gets Worse

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You donโ€™t know how to reach out to anyone, not only because itโ€™s been so long since you did, but also because you donโ€™t think they would believe you. Remember when he was being so amazing in public and all your friends thought you had it made? Well, he was setting you up for this step. Now youโ€™re too scared to shatter the facade, and youโ€™re too scared to seem like youโ€™re crazy. And you know heโ€™ll deny it, and the saddest part is your friends and the world have evidence of him being amazing, but absolutely none of the abuse.

7. You Start to Question Yourself

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So youโ€™ve gotten over the rough patch and heโ€™s back to being amazing and loving again. What just happened? Are you crazy? Did you imagine the entire change in his behaviour? Maybe itโ€™s your hormones? So you forget the whole thing and live happily ever after until...

8. You Realize Youโ€™re Stuck in a Hellish Pattern

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He loves you, he loves you not. Thereโ€™s no one to tell. Youโ€™re all alone. You work for his love. It doesnโ€™t work and you feel awful. Then suddenly it works and you feel worthy and wonderful again. He loves you once more.

9. You Reach Breaking Point

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This is different for everyone. It depends on how much you can take, how honest youโ€™re able to be with yourself and how forcefully you can remind yourself that you deserve love. First and foremost from yourself. This is a the best place to be in (if you must go through this). Now that youโ€™re really looking at the situation (you are being abused) and the person (they are abusing you) for what they really are, you can make the hard decisions. Cut him out of your life, pick up the pieces and rebuild.

10. When It's Someone else

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This is not so much a step as it is virtual hug through text. If any or all of these steps are some you recognise, either in your own life or that of someone close to you, I want you to know that youโ€™re gonna be okay. But it wonโ€™t just happen. You have to get rid of the person hurting you, so you can do the long hard work of healing. If itโ€™s a friend, they need you now more than ever. Understand that they may not yet be ready to accept your help and love, but donโ€™t give up on them because the day will come when they need you desperately and all you need to be is there. Donโ€™t guilt them about disappearing on you, just be there. Theyโ€™ve already been through more than youโ€™ll ever know.

The good news is, if you can get yourself out, youโ€™ll be stronger than you ever were and nobody will ever be able to make you go through that again. Because you wonโ€™t let them. Weโ€™re all gonna be okay...

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