No one likes to admit that their relationship is heading to the dog house, but there is no point in avoiding telling signs that you don’t want to be with him anymore and that it may be time to call it quits. Breakups are icky and sometimes it takes a whole lot of little things in our relationship to disintegrate for us to see that it just isn't working anymore. If you are on the fence or have your head in the sand, then see if any of these telling signs that you don’t want to be with him anymore pertain to you…
1. You Basically No Longer Have Sex
There is a difference between experiencing a general lack of interest in sex, and not feeling sexual towards your partner specifically. If the thought of having sex with your boyfriend is as appealing as drinking a warm fish milkshake, but you are regularly pleasing yourself when he is not around, well, this is one of the telling signs you don't want to be with him anymore.
2. The Cute Stuff Isn't Cute Anymore
If his party dance used to get you all hot and bothered and now you vomit a little in your throat every time he starts to boogie, then that’s a sign you don’t want to be with him anymore. We all do things that others may not like or find particularly ‘appealing,’ but if there are mannerisms of your partner's which you once found cute but now despise, then there may be some underlying issues.
3. There's Honesty in the Alcohol
Do you remember when you used to get a bit tipsy with your man, flirt the night away and then roll home for some fun (but often short-lived) sauciness between the sheets? A good friend once told me that ‘What the heart conceals the drink reveals.’ If the light, fun and flirty you has now been replaced by a tipsy troll whom snaps, barks and inevitably ends up arguing with her boyfriend at the end of each night out, then it may be time to rethink your relationship before hitting the town again.
4. Your Mind Wanders as Much as Your Eyes
Do not get me wrong, to see a beautiful man is a lovely thing and I think it is our right (our duty even) to admire the male form, especially if semi-naked and in impeccable shape. However if what was once a harmless look has now turned into imagining what your babies would look like, or doing the ‘dip and lift’ to create maximum boob exposure every time he passes you by, you may need to check yourself and whether or not the relationship you are in is fulfilling all of your needs.
5. Your Temper's Suddenly on a Very Short Leash
Arguments are a natural part of any relationship; it is inevitable that you and your partner will clash from time to time. However, if the arguments have become a daily occurrence and it seems you can not have a conversation with your boyfriend without blowing your lid, then something is obviously up. A lot of the time we argue over the little things because we are unable to address the real issues at hand or express what is really getting to us.
6. Conversations Are Too Boring to Care
Good conversation is one of the foundations of every relationship. It may be a sign that your relationship has run its course if the conversation between you and your boyfriend has gone from stimulating to 'struggling to stay awake' dull. Do you find yourself contemplating what to make for dinner when he is telling you about his day? Would you rather watch paint dry than listen to him talk about his job or social life?
7. You've Gone from Low Maintenance to No Maintenance
It is healthy to be comfortable around your partner, but it is very much a balancing act where caring too much may mean you are not yourself around him, and not caring enough may mean that you no longer care what he thinks about you. If you let out more gas than giggles or can not remember what your lady bits look due to the ‘foliage’ downstairs, then you may be letting yourself go because subconsciously you want to let him go.
8. You Have Absolutely No More F*cks to Give
Although arguing all the time can be a sign that you don't want to be with him anymore, so can not caring enough to argue at all. If your boyfriend upsets you or does something that in the past would have been an issue with you, and instead you couldn't care less, then maybe you have used all of your energy when it comes to your relationship and have no more to give?
9. You Don't Even Care if Your Boyfriend is Faithful, Really
Jealousy is an ugly trait, but there is a difference between caring whether or not your man is faithful to you and wanting to rip his eyeballs out if he so much as looks at another woman. To be frank, it’s important that you care that it’s only you he is bumping uglies with. Unless group love is your thing, you might have cause for concern if you have no issue with the idea of your boyfriend getting physical with another woman.
10. Even Casual Conversations Bore You to Tears
Have chit-chatting about your plans or debriefing one another about your day become a chore? Communication is vital to a healthy relationship. If you can't bring yourself to have a quick conversation with your partner, he/she is clearly no longer an important part of your life and you'll probably want to think about having the breakup talk.
11. You Try Not to Be Alone with Your Man
Some couples are inseparable, however, some people still enjoy time with friends and even some time alone. If you find yourself constantly making plans without your partner and tend to ignore them when you're out with others, it's a sure sign you're ready to move on.
12. You're All about Yourself, All the Time
Loving yourself is something we should all learn and be able to do. But, if we're no longer into our partner, we can easily overlook our partner's wants and needs and only focus on ourselves. Maybe you no longer care whether he likes what you wear or whether she'll want some help with her school project. If your list of priorities has become all about you, your partner is probably no longer an important part of your life.
13. The Two of You Have Zero Respect for Each Other
Respect is HUGE in any relationship. If you didn't respect your family or friends, what do you have? There are lots of relationships with love, drama and passion but if the respect is missing, it never lasts. When a couple doesn't respect one another, you don't care how you treat her, you don't care about what he wants and you definitely don't care to be in a relationship with them.
14. There's No Trust between You, Either
You need to trust the person you're dating. If you assume he's cheating on you every single time he leaves the house, something is very wrong. You can't start fights whenever he goes somewhere without you, so you need to learn to trust him or leave him.
15. Your Man is Always Your Last Priority
If you choose your friends, your job, and your family before him, your relationship will suffer. Yes, some things are more important than he is, but you should still put him high on your to-do list. Why are you with him if you don't consider him an important part of your life?
16. He's in Your Way, Not Part of Your Life
Is he in the way of you achieving your dreams? If you don't think you'll ever land your dream job, because he's dragging you down, dump him. If you don't, you'll resent him for the rest of your life.
17. Everything He Says and Does Gets on Your Last Nerve
Do you get mad at him for every little thing he does? If you get angry when he tries to hug you or buys you flowers, then you're looking for reasons to scream. Don't stay with someone that makes your blood boil whenever they enter the room.
18. You Don't Carve out Time to See Him
Do you make time to see him? If you cancel plans with him, because you don't feel like showering, then you must not be too interested in him. Your partner should make you want to get out of the house to see him. If you can go weeks without seeing his face, don't bother to remain a couple.
19. You Complain More than You Converse
When you talk to your friends and family about him, do you brag about his accomplishments or complain about all of the things he does that bother you? If you're always complaining, you shouldn't be with him. Your partner is meant to cause you more happiness than pain.
20. Tbh, You Prefer Doing Things Alone
Would you rather go to that new movie you've been dying to see alone than turn it into a date with your partner? You should want to spend as much time with him as possible. If you'd rather do things alone, you might as well dump him to be alone.
21. His Nudity and Advances Make You Cringe
Do you cringe whenever you see him naked? If you do, it's going to weigh on your relationship. You should think your partner is the sexiest person on the planet, even though he has flaws. If you are no longer excited by the sight of him, then you might have to end it all.
22. His Pain Isn't Your Pain
When he loses his job or gets the flu, you should be upset for him. If you couldn't care less, then why are you dating him? You shouldn't be with someone if you aren't concerned whether they're dead or alive.
23. You Never Feel Butterflies Anymore
Remember how you felt light when he'd kiss you and would get butterflies in your stomach whenever he looked at you? Those feelings aren't supposed to persist after years of dating, but you should still feel some sort of joyful emotion when you're with him. If you don't, then something is wrong.
24. Sometimes You Tell People You're Single
When you meet cute men, do you forget to mention that you have a boyfriend? Maybe you blatantly lie and say that you're single. Either way, it shows that you're sick of your boyfriend. If you wanted to be with him, you'd brag about him every chance you got. If your mouth is shut, then your relationship is over.
25. You're Pretty Sure You've Fallen out of Love
Here's the biggest sign that you should break up. If you used to be head over heels in love with him, but you know you've lost those feelings, you shouldn't stay together. Every couple has issues, but if you've genuinely
fallen out of love with him, there's no sense in sticking around.
26. You Never Talk about the Future Anymore
Once upon a time, the two of you discussed your future constantly. You took delight in every similar vision and spent hours planning the house you wanted, where you wanted to settle, how many pets you'd have, if you wanted kids. Those talks are long gone, though.
27. In Fact, You Can't Even Imagine a Future with Him
You've stopped talking about the future mainly because you no longer see your man in your vision of the future. There's no place in it for him, and when you imagine happiness, he's nowhere in the picture. It's easier to avoid talking about it at all.
28. Being around Other Couples is Awkward AF
Seeing happy couples just reminds you that you're not part of one. It's difficult to spend time as a couple around friends who have healthy relationships. You're constantly reminded of all the things your relationship lacks.
29. You Ignore Your Problems Instead of Fixing Them
Where you used to talk things out and try to fix your problems, you no longer bother. What's the point? If there the same problems you've been dealing with since the beginning of the relationship, you're no doubt tired of them. Even if they're new issues, you've reached a point where you just don't care about fixing them.
30. The Whole Relationship Feels like an Obligation
Spending time together, being intimate, having a conversation, even being in the same room – everything feels more like an obligation than a relationship. You have to be there. It's something you have to do, not something you genuinely want to do. Obligation is definitely not a healthy emotion in a relationship.
Relationships are not black and white; everyone I know has had doubts about their love relationships at one time or another in their lives. We don’t always know without a doubt that the relationship we are in is the one for us but there are signs that indicate which way things are going. Often our bodies, moods and emotions tell us what we are really feeling before we are ready to face it ourselves. Does anyone have any other telltale signs that you no longer want to be in the relationship you are in?
This post was written in collaboration with editors Lyndsie Robinson, Lisa Washington, and Holly Riordan.