Gaslighting is something that I hadn't heard about until recently, until I started doing it. I admit it, I am a frequent gaslighter and it is not a good thing. In fact, it's abuse and until this article, when I was really reading up on it and I was seeing myself in a lot of the tactics, I didn't realize it. That is not an excuse, I should've been educating myself, however, it is one thing that everyone in a marriage or relationship should be aware of. If you aren't aware of what gaslighting is, don't worry, I got you.
1. Firstly, What is Gaslighting?
The thing that you need to understand first, is that gaslighting is emotional abuse. The gaslighter spins their negative, harmful and even destructive words and actions in their favor. They deflect all of the blame and they turn it around and point the finger at you. This can really make the person that is getting lit feel paranoid, overly-sensitive and even silly, unhinged and mentally unstable.
2. The Signs
When you really think about it, you have to understand exactly how to tell that you are being gaslighted. How can you tell? How can you know that you're the victim of this type of abuse? Well, firstly, something is off about your partner and you can't explain exactly what it is. You want to apologize a lot, for no reason. You often feel confused and that you'll never quite measure up to what they need. You also don't remember the details of a lot of the past events. You've become increasingly scared of speaking up and expressing your emotions.
3. Tactics of a Gaslighter
Want to talk about some of the tactics that these people … myself included use? Well, they will discredit you. They'll make you think that you are absolutely crazy and that you're imagining things. They will use a mask of confidence, of assertiveness or even fake compassion to make you believe that you do, in fact, have it all wrong.
4. Don't Let Them Change the Subject
This is another tactic, they change the subject a ton. I do this a lot, to be honest, I'll divert the topic by asking another question or even shifting a statement that will knock my wife off of her thoughts. It's hard to stop doing it too, it's not something I am aware of, but it happens.
5. Denial and Avoidance Method
This is another tactic that can be used. The gaslighter actually refuses to acknowledge their partner's feelings and they forget anything that their partner might've said. This is something that I use a lot and it's awful and I know how it makes my wife feel. Truthfully girls, if you are being gaslit by your boyfriend or girlfriend, just put a stop to it.
6. The Twisting and Reframing
Another tactic is when the gaslighter confidently and even subtly twists and then reframes what you've said to make sure that it slips into their favor. This can make you feel like you are unbalanced, that you are unstable, that you are irrational. That's not a great feeling at all girls.
7. How to Heal
Now that you know exactly what you've been experiencing and how to spot a gaslighter, how do you heal from it? You've got to be aware of it. That's the biggest part, being aware of it when problems arise and then rebuilding and ensuring that you are taking the right steps to remove yourself from a gaslighting situation.
Gaslighting isn't okay, in any relationship or marriage. I know now that I need to stop, what are you going to do next girls? Have you ever experienced this before?