Facial Hair is one of those things that girls usually either love or hate. Facial hair is also one of those things guys like to play around and experiment with, even though they kind of really shouldn't sometimes. You're with me, right, ladies? Some types of facial hair just do not look good, period. So, for ladies who'd like a laugh and for lads who'd like a little learnin' on this subject, let's take a look at some of the things girls really think about facial hair...
1. The Shaving Part
Do you know what the worst thing about facial hair is? The part where it ends up in the sink. When guys shave, they have a tendency to leave the remains in the sink, which is gross. We try not to leave hair in the bathtub, you know – but we can start doing it if you don't start washing that stuff down the drain!
2. The Distinguished Gentleman
Even still, when some girls see a well groomed beard, it creates positive associations. Papa Ernest had a beard, you know; for a time, so did Dan Conner (what? I love Dan). Abe Lincoln had a beard and he was always honest, so that's cool. Also, your beard makes us think of fuzzy teddy bears. So, see? Sometimes, we really like it!
3. The Fuzzy Factor
In fact, that aspect of facial hair deserves its own category. Beards and mustaches can be soft and kind of cozy – at least when they're full grown. When they're not … well, I'll get to that in a minute. Anyway, if you keep your beard nice and soft and cushion-y, I bet your girl won't mind it half so bad.
4. Beard Burn
Here's another thing many girls don't like about facial hair: it burns! When a guy's stubbly chin or cheek rubs against your skin, that hurts like fire. Not cool! Girls don't like beard burn, it creates unsightly blemishes. Guys, remember that five o'clock shadows look really sexy, but they don't feel too great.
5. Watching You do It
What I mean, of course, is watching him shave. When I was little, I loved to watch my dad lather on his shaving cream. I thought it was awesome, how one minute he had stubble and the next minute his cheek was all soft and smooth. Plus, when you watch guys do this, you invariably get to learn that neat toilet paper square trick.
6. To Shave and Not to Shave
Guys who get hardcore into their chin hair go through this cycle. I've seen it with my dad and various boyfriends, to the extent where I'm much happier to now be dealing with the Better Half; leg hair I can handle. See, these guys will first decide they don't want to a beard anymore, so they shave. Then, in 3-6 months, depending on the guy, they want one again, so they stop shaving. Just as you get used to seeing him with a beard again, another 3-6 months have passed and he's ready to shave it off. And that's a shame, because...
7. He's Got the (New) Look
Some guys look really good with beards, whether they're long and full or just a little bit of shadow. Facial hair can completely transform the way a man looks. I think that's cool, because I can't really do that, even if I change my hair color. Girls like the mystery attached to this facial phenomenon.
I don't think I have to say anything else, do I? I think there should be a new rule. If any guy with a beard or a mustache gets food stuck in his mustache or beard, and doesn't notice, and leaves it there an inordinate amount of time, he has to shave. Period. Because that mess is nasty. What are you doing, saving it for later? Eat a snack-pack!
9. The Manly Factor
This isn't sexist, it's a fact. Women, well most women, physically can't grow beards, therefore making it manly. And who doesn't love a manly man? Clean shaven men can be dashing, handsome, and suave. But a man with some scruff, whose in tune with his unshaven caveman ancestors, now that's manly!
10. The Overall Look
When growing a beard, it’s important to take into consideration the overall look. There’s a difference between the type of beard your neighborhood homeless man sports and David Beckham’s. One is... wow! The other, not so much. So fellas, dress nice, earn the beard, and work the beard!
11. It Makes You Seem Masculine and Strong
Even if a guy isn’t the dictionary definition of masculine or strong, a beard can make him appear that way. This goes hand-in-hand with the manly factor; you look a little bit like a caveman when you don’t shave, like someone who could protect his family from saber tooth tigers.
It’s been said that “girls mature faster than boys.” And no woman wants to date a man who’s still stuck in his boyish phase! Beards make a man appear more mature and wise; even if it’s just an illusion and it’s the same immature guy underneath, the initial attraction will be stronger for some women!
13. Knowing when to Stop
Don’t get me wrong, I love beards, but some guys just don’t know where to stop! They let their beards grow out until they have a Gandalf look going on! That may be right for some girls, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t the ideal look for most. Men need to know when to stop growing and when to start trimming their beards, then they maintain the grizzly, attractive aspect of their beard, but don’t let things get out of hand.
I’m not completely sure this is an actual thing, but it’s worth considering! Pogonophobia is an extreme dislike of all things relating to beards. If your lady-of-interest suffers from pogonophobia, you’ve got to make a choice: her or the beard? Do any of you ladies think you’ve been struck with pogonophobia?
15. It’s All a Ploy
Some women think that beards are just men’s tools for covering up a baby face. They put up a facade of masculinity to hide the fact that they lack true manliness—the kind that can’t grow out of your face. Hopefully us beard lovers haven’t actually fallen prey to the opposite sex’s attempt to bamboozle us!
16. It Isn’t Necessary
For some people, beards simply aren’t necessary. They may merely be icing on the cake, or even a little bit off putting. But in general, they aren’t needed. Some women think that men look just fine without beards, and shouldn’t cover up their natural bone structure with facial hair.
17. The Issue of Patchiness
Nothing is worse than a patchy beard. It’s trying to be a beard, but just can’t quite make it. In this case, women often believe that it’s better to have no beard at all. A patchy beard doesn’t scream manly and mysterious, but rather, if anything, that a guy forgot to shave the past few days. And there certainly isn’t anything attractive about being unhygienic or lazy.
Facial hair is a personal choice, I get it. These are just opinions, but do I really think every guy in the world is going to change his facial hair based on what girls think? Nah – but it may help them to know. Opinions on facial hair vary as much as styles of beards! But what about you – are you a fan of facial hair, or would you rather guys give it a pass?
This article was written in collaboration with editor Sabrina Yates.