It can take a seriously long time to get over a bad relationship. Let’s face it, if life was like the movies, we’d spend the night in baggy clothes, eating ice-cream and crying, and then feel refreshed and rejuvenated enough to meet someone new the very next day. In reality, healing just isn’t that fast. But how do you help yourself to heal as quickly as possible so you can get over a bad relationship?
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1. Crying is Allowed…
Most people don’t like to wallow, and some completely refuse to cry. In order to healthily get over a bad relationship, some crying is essential. It releases tension, stress and emotion, and helps you to process the break-up and heal. Soon enough, you’ll find that you don’t need or want to cry anymore – and you’ll know you’ve turned a corner. Stock up on soft tissues and cry it out when you need to.
2. Make a Plan…
Getting through the days can be tough after a break-up, and you might feel that all the days and nights are merging into one long hard stretch. Don’t look into the future just yet. Instead, focus on now. What do you need to do today? What would you like to do? Accept your limitations, and don’t overwhelm yourself, but set yourself a target to have a shower, file some paperwork, watch a comedy, make lunch. You’ll feel much better for it.
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3. Be Positive…
Okay, so it hurts like hell right now, and you are probably agreeing with every tormented love song you can find, and sobbing uncontrollably whenever you remember the good times. It can be very easy to lose your positivity and become bitter and isolated, especially when you are wounded. Hey, having no contact with anyone means they can’t hurt you, right? But islands don’t last long on their own. They sink. Don’t let yourself become an island, and limit any withdrawals. Even minimal contact with friends through email or voicemail is good progress.
4. Make Yourself a Promise…
Spend some time looking at inspirational quotes and extracts. There is one rule – no heart broken lines from love songs, and nothing negative or tormented. Look for positive quotes and pin them around your house, in places when you’ll see them frequently – on the fridge, next to the bed, anywhere. One of my favorites? “Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb you.”
5. Socialize…
You probably won’t feel like fighting your way back out onto the dance floor and finding yourself another man – and rebound relationships tend to just cause more harm anyway. But human interaction is important, and we tend to build these things into big events that feel far too tough to actually do. The solution? Get out there. You don’t need to set a hard challenge. Say hi to your postman. Spend half an hour in a local coffee shop, on your own. Meet a friend. Go to the library. Anything that gets you back among people, even if you don’t want to communicate with them yet, will help.
6. Blow off the Cobwebs…
Set yourself a date in the next fortnight to go and do something new. Sound scary? Of course. Will you want to? Almost certainly not. But it’ll do you the world of good. It’ll get your body working, your hormones flowing, refresh your emotions and give you something else to think about. Go bungee jumping, volunteer somewhere, yacht race, take a photography class. Anything. Break a new personal record and start forging a new you. While you won’t want to have gone out, you’ll be oh-so glad you did.
7. Remember…
You will probably find that your head is so full of information and memories about him that everything else is falling out – and that can really set back progress. Remind yourself what you have that isn’t him. Cover your laptop, diary, kitchen, bed, anywhere in things that you love, things that you have to live for and people that love you. Wear your favorite clothes and your best jewelry and eat the meals you love. Remember who you are – all of you.
It probably feels tough now, and I’d bet my life savings that you can’t see a way to feel better. But if you are kind to yourself and you push yourself to follow the steps above, you absolutely can get over a bad relationship. Got a great tip, or just want to share how you feel? Leave a comment.
Comments
Charity: I was invovled with an older guy 9 years older than me Im 19 he's 28 He was so charming and nice he was a best friend too me we were always together inseperatable i was always their for him when he had his hard times when he had no job when the winter was hard and he had n heaters in the house i kept him warm and lifted his spirits when he was down i always encouraged him i cleaned his house and ironed his clothes i was at his house more than my own my friends start fading from me my family start fading from me cause i spent so much time with him , I listened when he cryed about his life and hardships and not having his kids i even wanted too take his kids in as my own. But i got showed no love i got disrespected i got physically abused choked slapped punched hit repeatly in my head. And after 8 months of back in forth and after all we been thru together after all the time we spent he had the nerves too tell me we were never together i was never his woman and he went on talking about gaining new women i was by his side when he was struggling too graduate school i was right by his side encouraging him the whole way and i even filled out the application for him for Nissan i did his Resume' and everything He has a second interveiw coming up next month all because of me and i get no appreciation no love nothing and honestly what hurts me the most was that i wasted my time and im confused on the inside i feel like apart of me is gone because we were around each other so much. He was the only person i talked too on the phone , hung out with , he was the only person i was ever around and he doesnt want a relationship he made that clear but i dont want him with another woman i dont want him too talk about another woman and i feel stuck i know he's not worth my time but i feel like i lost my best friend
manjit: So hard. Some days are better than others. :0(
Ana: Some really great advice here. :)
Jordan: I really like this!!
Kelsey: My ex left me after 4 years and an 8 month engagement and found a new gf within weeks. it hurts but I found a man. And we are talking and hope things progress with him :) My ex stalks my twitter somehow and knows about him and now texts and asks to hang out , I really don't get men 0_o
Arifa: For anyone going through a break up, take good care of yourself. I'm going through one myself. I have those days were I'm crying but I remind myself that it's not the end of the world, it's just the end of a relationship with someone. Women, we deserve someone who treat us great.
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