If you are looking for a few tips on dealing with jealousy in a long distance relationship, I can help because I can totally relate. I’ll never forget the first time I heard some unidentified girl at my boyfriend’s apartment and instantly felt sick to my stomach. Normally I’m not an insecure girlfriend, but when the love of my life is thousands of miles away and I heard a flirtatious female giggle in the background, my coffee-colored eyes turned an extremely livid shade of green without warning. Fortunately for my own emotional well-being and the sake of our relationship, I learned a couple of helpful tips on dealing with jealousy in a long distance relationship that I’m going to share with you below.
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1. Examine Your Feelings of Jealousy
One of the best things to do when you are dealing with jealousy in a long distance relationship is to analyze your feelings to determine the reasons for it. Ask yourself if your jealous thoughts are based on real proof or is it your over-active imagination. Write your feelings down because it may help you sort them out along with seeing things objectively. If you feel that you have actual proof, its time to have a talk with your partner.
2. Discuss Your Jealous Feelings
Share your feelings of jealousy with your partner. I know that admitting to him that you are feeling jealous is a difficult thing to do, but it can help you find peace of mind. Hopefully, he can reassure you that he is still crazy in love with you. If he makes you feel worse after telling him how you feel, re-examine if this is someone that you should be with. If he cared about how you feel, he would try to calm your fears about losing him.
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Embrace the vulnerability that comes with sharing your jealousy. Openness and honesty are the bedrock of a healthy long-distance relationship. Remember, it's natural to feel jealous from time to time, but it's how you handle these emotions that matters. Your partner's response can be telling. Expect them to listen and understand, not to dismiss your feelings. After all, communication is key, and addressing issues as they arise prevents them from becoming larger problems. His support and reassurance can strengthen your bond, assuring you that the love you share transcends the distance.
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3. Replace Jealous Thoughts
Once jealous thoughts pop up, they seem to feed off of one another, making the feelings of insecurity worse. Replace jealous thoughts with positive thoughts about your relationship. Think of all the great memories you have shared with him. Think of all the reasons why you love your relationship as well. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can prevent you from viewing all of his actions through a distorted lens of jealousy that can make you lose control of your emotions.
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When you're overrun with envy, remind yourself of the trust you've built and the strength of your connection. It might help to write down your feelings or express them through creative outlets like art or journaling. This way, you give voice to your emotions without allowing them to dictate your actions. Trust that the love you share is stronger than the miles between you. Remember, love is about empowerment and growth, not possession. Let this mindset guide you to a place of security and contentment in your long-distance bond.
4. Accept You Can’t Control His Actions
Understand that just because he is in a relationship with you doesn't mean he is your property to control. He has free will and makes decisions based upon many factors such as his wants and needs just like you do. Have a conversation about what you consider cheating and then trust him to honor your relationship. Never try to control him because it won’t work and it’s a fatal relationship mistake.
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Accepting that you can't micro-manage your partner's actions is vital for the health of the relationship. Communicate your feelings and set boundaries, but remember the importance of trust. Being overbearing or possessive can push him away. It's essential to find a balance between your expectations and giving him the space to be himself. Consider employing positive coping strategies for your anxiety such as keeping a journal, practicing mindfulness, or seeking support from friends. Trust is the cornerstone of any strong relationship, especially when distance is involved.
5. Leave the Interrogations to the Police
Unless you have actual proof that something is fishy, avoid interrogating him. If you constantly torment your partner with accusations and a thousand questions about his whereabouts, it actually will result in the opposite of what you want to happen. Instead of making your boyfriend want to hang out with you or call you, he will want to create as much distance as possible. Once he starts distancing himself and drifting away, the relationship is in serious trouble.
6. He Sees through It
If your irrational thoughts and wild imagination are making you text terrorize him and call him several times whenever he is with certain people, it's best to put down the phone. The reason you have the urge to make constant contact with him stems from feelings of helplessness. The same is true if you are hacking into his e-mail or his Facebook account just to confirm your suspicions. He sees through this type of irrational behavior regardless of your excuse and it screams to him that you don’t trust him.
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*Trust is the cornerstone of any strong relationship, especially when distance is involved. Instead of letting your anxiety take the wheel, redirect your energy into positive activities that benefit you. Remember, the intensity of your emotions can cloud your judgment and lead to actions that sabotage the bond you're working so hard to maintain. It’s important to pause and reflect on why you're feeling insecure and communicate these feelings openly with your partner. Open dialogue could be the very thing that strengthens your connection, rather than actions fueled by doubt and fear.
7. Keep Relationship Fun and Enjoyable
Keep your relationship strong so anyone that tries to make a play at your significant other, doesn't have a chance of replacing you no matter how hard they try. There are no guarantees when it comes to love, but if you can make your emotional bond stronger even though you are physically apart, it increases the chances of you guys staying together. Try a variety of virtual activities that you both enjoy so you can spend quality time together such as gaming, movie dates, or listening to music.
If you allow your jealousy to spiral out of control, you can easily sabotage a relationship. Remember, each time you unleash accusations at your partner, you slowly annihilate your relationship as the foundation of trust is chipped away little by little until there is nothing left. So ladies do you have other tips on dealing with jealousy in a long distance relationship?
Comments
Brenda: I'm married now, so I don't currently have this problem. But I did. And this is great advice. ;) I'm sure someone can benefit from it that's going through what I did.
Kristine: The 3 most important ingredients in a successful LDR for me is by having constant communication with your loved one, show appreciation to him/her even though it's just from the little things he did, and saying I love you's whether it be thru video call or chat convos. By those I can say that my boyfriend and I is having a better trusting-relationship. Just keep the love alive also as what the Bread's song says. 😊
Bianca: this is great advice
Patty: @Christine, I'm feeling the same thing
Nicky: Me too!
Christine: This is just great.you are saving me right now.
Sarah: Omg I am struggling with this...I have discussed my insecurities with him and why and that I don't want to feel that way and then he always re-assures me with his commitment- WITH ME. We don't have an official date when he will be coming out here soon but bc there is a situation I am settling its been a little bit of a hold up and I think frustration for him bc we are planning on applying for a k-1 visa bc we want to be married...we want togetherness....It is so hard at times like now when I know other girls get to be around my man, breathe the same air and I am figuratively pulling my teeth out bc I am feeling jealous of them..... I hope he and I will be together and married soon so these little dart moments won't hit me bc we always talk about everything and have built our relatiinship on a great foundation yet I am in a moment and don't want it to show...I just feel really bad for having this little bug appear in me like this ....
ssgirl: Please someone help me. I just started long distance relationship with one guy and i really do care about him but im super jealous on his female friends. Mostly on one because her photos are all over his instagram profile. He keeps telling me that she is just a friend and they've never been together and never will but I just can't stop myself from being crazy jealous. :( any advice ? Anyone ? :/
Christina: This is great I feel like I can relate alot but only in a different way. My boyfriend and I moved across the country together 6 months after dating and now we've been together for two years. But with no family which I'm very close with and no close girlfriends here I get real lonely with my thoughts..it causes me Alot of issues.
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