10 Tips to Help You Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You ...

By Lezlie

10 Tips to Help You Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You ...

I created this list of tips to help you forgive because I needed to etch it in my heart as well. I have this conversation often with my friends and family about forgiveness. Often the question is, "But HOW do I forgive when...?" That's a great question! How do we forgive? What is forgiveness anyway and how do we know that we have truly forgiven a person? These tips to help you forgive have helped me greatly along the way.

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You're Not Perfect

You're not perfect and neither am I, no matter how hard we try to be. We are all human and we all make mistakes. I remember reading a book about a woman who had a near death experience, and one of the things she wrote about was how she realized how often she had offended people on earth and had absolutely no idea that she had done it. At some point you will need to ask someone for forgiveness, so humble yourselves and learn to forgive others when they need it… whether they ask for it or not.


You've Been Forgiven

This goes back to my first point in that at some point in your life you will need forgiveness. I'm sure you can think of at least one occasion in your life, let's think back to high school if your memory is a bit foggy. I do believe to a degree that what goes around comes around, so if you can get in the flow of forgiving others you will find that (hopefully) you will be forgiven when needed as well.


Don't Take It Personally

This can be so hard to do, but it's necessary and so helpful to get through this thing called life. I can't tell you how many times I have thought that someone was mad at me or ignoring me, when really they were just incredibly busy or dealing with their own drama or pain to even remember me. We all do it at some point. I have learned (and am still learning) to not take things so personally, because often another person's behavior has nothing to do with you. I guess I should say that my default is no longer to take things personally. There will still be times where we are the source of another person's negative reactions or words, but it shouldn't be our default assumption.


Their Shoes

We've all heard this a bazillion times: to try to put ourselves in other's shoes. There's no way to truly do that. But I do find that if I try to be as thoughtful as possible and don't take things personally, it's easier to consider the position another person is coming from and why they may behave the way that they do. I read the other day that "hurt people hurt people." It's so true. If you have a thorny person in your life they are probably dealing with a lot of pain that needs to be healed. It's not up to you to heal them obviously, but you can at least consider that when dealing with them.


Life is Short

This quote from Mother Teresa sums this up better than I am able to articulate it.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, they may accuse you of having selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You ... see, in the end, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."

Famous Quotes

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.

Bruce Lee

Say the Words

Sometimes it can be that simple. If you need to forgive someone just say "I forgive you ********__." If you aren't ready to say it to their face yet, just say it to yourself everyday several times. I have found that just confessing that I forgive a person changes my frame of mind and I no longer harbor ill feelings towards them but I am able to let go of the offense. Eventually it is nice to say it to the person, especially if they are someone you have to be around or desire to keep in your life. But forgiveness isn't really about setting the other person free as much as it is about setting yourself free from negative feelings.


Confront Them

I used to run from confrontation like I ran from eating liver. Actually, I still won't touch liver, but I have learned that confrontation is not always a bad thing. In fact, it can be healthy to confront a person if it needs to be done. Sure, it can be scary. But if the relationship is worth keeping to you it's important to get any offense off of your chest instead of allowing it to remain inside of you. If you hold on to it, it will only grow and make you feel worse in time.


Remember Why You Love Them

Unless we are talking about an enemy, most of the people in our lives have lovable qualities about them. If you are upset, surely you must care. Why do you care? Think about if the relationship is worth fighting for. If the answer is yes, take some time to reflect about the good memories that you have with that person. Why are they important to you? This has helped me to remember that there is a lot of good that comes with the occasional not-so-good.


Hug or Kiss It out

Some people just need to be hugged and told that they are loved every once in a while. If you are close, just stop and give them a hug or kiss and tell them that you care. You may find that this is the breaking point you needed to open honest dialogue and the road to healing in the relationship. If they aren't very touchy, then try to respect that and just embrace them by touching their hand or arm instead.


Let Go

Let it go ladies. Stop making a laundry list of offenses under each person that is in your life. The forgetting part in "forgive and forget" isn't easy, and often impossible. How can you forget an event in your life that impacted you? Although you may not be able to erase the memory you can choose to let it go and there is a difference. If you need some time and space in order to let things go, that's fine. Maybe during that time you will find that the relationship isn't worth keeping and that is fine too. For some reason we think that we have to hold on to every relationship we ever have and that's just not true. It's possible to forgive a person and end the relationship because you realize that you have grown apart. It's also possible to realize that you can forgive a person and keep going no matter what.

Forgiveness is an issue that we all have to deal with in life. We are humans and we are imperfect. But hopefully, we can learn this life lesson of forgiveness and choose to love. Have you had a hard time with forgiveness? I'd love to hear your tips or struggles!

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Thank you, I needed this

I lost my father 3 years ago to heart attack unexpectedly. At his last 6 months, he was starting to come back to take care of the family despite not being there for us at most times grow

Could you do an article about being Strung Along, like the meaning, the signs, tips, advice, etc...

Forgiving is nice for letting negative feelings go, but I hope people realize you don't have to continue being friends or in a relationship. If someone has hurt you enough, forgive them but move on.

This article just gave me life!!!

I really enjoyed this article but I think one really important thing was left out. In my opinion and experience the most important thing about forgiveness is freeing yourself of the hurt and pain someone has caused you. I believe that when it comes to forgiveness you have to be selfish. By selfish I mean you should forgive to free yourself and not do it so much for the other person. Depending on the situation I believe that you should forgive so you can move on with your life. Say "I forgive you because I don't wanna hold on to these feelings of hurt anymore". forgiving is not saying that what they did to you is okay cause it's not. Forgiving is saying I will not let this hurt me anymore so I'm letting it go. Don't forgive for someone else's sake. Do it for yourself!

need advice pls... my partner is doing all things right but one thing he always lie to me. some time i knew what the truth is but he lies to me. he had his ex girlfriend. he told me his no more in that relationship but he keeps talkin to her over da phone. when i check his phone he delete all un nessery calls. pls advice wat shud i do.

My mother left our family for another man after 23 years of marriage. She had done a wonderful job of raising me and my sister (24 and 22.) Apparently to her that was enough, she had done her job and told us she didn't need to raise us anymore. There is a lot more to the story, but in short it has been really hard starting my new chapters in my life without my mother. She was my best friend and a wonderful loving mother to me for 23 years of my life. It's still something I can not forgive her for and have been working on for a year now. Everyday is different for me in dealing. This article was perfect for me! It was inspirational and motivating to push me in the right direction. Thank you!

sometimes things that happen to us is just a reminder that not all people who are dear to us are part of our future. sometimes God remove them to our lives because He will replace it with something better, someone who can help us for His divine purpose in our lives. So we should learn to forgive and let go.

That mother Theresa quote is the most validating part of this article. it adresses forgiving those terrible things that really are on purpose and really are life changing.