Knowing how to discuss difficult issues with your spouse is a great tool to have in your wedding toolbox. Think of this toolbox as essentials you will need that can help you have a successful marriage like listening techniques. Once you learn a few tips on how to discuss difficult issues with your spouse, you will be better prepared ladies the next time a problem occurs.
One of the most crucial things when learning how to discuss difficult issues with your spouse is that timing is everything. If the matter isn’t urgent, carefully select the time to have this conversation. Choose a time when you and your spouse are free from any distractions and able to give it your full attention. Avoid discussing it immediately after work or during a scheduled activity such as during a sports game. This small detail can make a big difference in your spouse’s reaction.
Choose a place where you won’t be disturbed. Start the conversation off gently. Tell him some random things that he does that you appreciate such as he brushes the snow off your car, he gives you massages after work or he pampers you with random gift certificates to the spa. Tell him that you love him and that you appreciate him.
Stay positive throughout the conversation. Many times the tone the conversation has when a person raises an issue is usually how it ends. For example, if you start in a negative tone and use harsh words, he will likely reflect your mood during the conversation. Stay calm even if you are angry with him because it’s better than a screaming match. Nothing gets solved when two people are screaming at each other.
Talk to him about the way the issue is affecting you. Avoid putting words in your partner’s mouth because that can lead to false assumptions. Don’t guess at how your partner feels about the issue. Let him tell you. Stick to the words "I feel" instead of "you always" statements. The latter can make your hubby feel as if it’s a personal attack on him rather than as a part of a team that is trying to resolve an issue.
Stick to one topic rather than overloading him with a trunkful of issues that can overwhelm him and make his mind spin. Keep your sentences short because it’s a good way to minimize him from tuning out of the conversation. Although most women love to talk about the smallest details, men aren’t built that way. They worry less about the details and go straight to looking for ways to fix it. The last thing they want is for their wife to be unhappy.
Discuss your observations about the issue. Don’t assume that your husband sees things from your viewpoint. Give examples of situations that he can relate to so he has a reference point to go on. Don’t dig up negative situations from the past. Stay as relevant as you can.
If the discussion is turning negative and you are beginning to personally attack one another, give it a temporary break. Nothing gets resolved with insults and criticisms. Tell him that you can pick up the issue at another time when tempers have cooled. It’s better to stop the conversation than saying hurtful things that can damage your relationship.
Ladies these are just some of the tips which can help you discuss difficult issues like money problems, trust issues or lack of communication. Although difficult issues are uncomfortable to discuss, its better to get them out in the open rather than be miserable. Do you have any other tips that can help raise difficult issues?
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